A year ago today I was tired....actually exhausted is more accurate. I was uncomfortable, grouchy, and basically at the very end of my rope as far as the whole pregnancy thing was concerned. All I could think about was how the hormones were a wild hurricane inside me and SOMEBODY GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME ALREADY! I'm not joking when I say we had been trying just about every trick in the book to get the labor train rolling and Prince Charming was far from charmed by my advances at that point. My doctor had been assuring me for WEEKS that I was already partially dilated and my water was bulging and on the very verge of breaking...her exact words were "If my finger nail was a LITTLE sharper you'd be in labor already." I was seriously considering filing my fingernails to a point. Little Lady's arrival was much the same and so I suppose I should have expected it....and really I had little to complain about considering I didn't even reach my due date either time. But after nine months of every conceivable pregnancy symptom from nausea to immobilizing pain, after bed rest and medications and stress and worry and test after test....well you're just ready for it to be over.
I think the worst thing is actually how babies mess with your head. For MONTHS in both pregnancy's I would have contractions. Even really regular ones that lasted for hours at a time so I was never really sure if THIS time was THE time or not. The only way for me to know for sure was when my water broke both times....and even then my daughter took ANOTHER TWENTY-TWO excruciating hours to arrive. Stubborn from the very beginning.
Lancelot on the other hand...when he decided he was finally going to make his entrance he did it with a bang. Just as he approaches most of life. "I'll decide when I'm ready but trust me you're not going to miss MY entrance!"
Anyway, my point in this post is that a year ago today I couldn't fathom being here. And in that first week of his life I often wondered if we would ever get here. To Lancelot's first birthday. Tomorrow my baby turns one. I can't tell you how monumental that feels to me. There have been so many times I thought I wouldn't get to see this day in my little boys life. But he is here and he is a bundle of energy with a bright smile and bubbly personality and I WILL get to celebrate this milestone with him. Just reflecting on everything in the last year, and the fact that, despite still being exhausted and definitely worn from the journey, we are HERE....makes me feel so blessed. I remember overhearing another mom in the NICU have a conversation with a nurse about how she didn't think she'd be able to get over her sons start in life in time to go back to work at a year. The nurse said that in a year she'd be so busy with an active, healthy boy that this would just be a memory, a small bump on the road. I wouldn't quite go that far yet...probably because for us things haven't totally settled down yet, but in a lot of ways she was right.
Happy almost Birthday Lancelot! Can't wait to celebrate with you!
Check back in a couple of days for party pictures!