My kids have alternately or together been sick for three months....THREE MONTHS! I HATE Winter! I hate cold and flu season! I hate that I hate what used to be my favourite season because "oh the snow is soooo romantic and everything looks beautiful" and blah...blah...blah. I was so naive then.
More than any of that I hate the way I feel that my kids are being punished for me trying to be and do something positive. I know it probably sounds ridiculous...but around Christmas I made two decisions....1)to get more involved in our community and to let my name stand to be part time director of our local youth drop in center, and 2) to be more positive about life because I am such a pessimist. Well, it seems like every time I make a move towards being more positive, like saying "The kids seem to be on the upswing" rather than saying "The kids are STILL sick."...they get sicker. Or when I try to do something for the drop in ministry like have a meeting or get together with the teens....the kids get sick. And I feel like they are being punished in order to keep me out of commission. That probably sounds like a crazy paranoid pessimist talking...and maybe it is...but it's how I feel. And it makes me want to scream and cry and rage and be anything but perky and positive.
For example....three times now I have tried to have some local teens over on their lunch break. We live right by the high school and I thought it would be a good opportunity to get to know them and get their ideas on the drop in. Every time, the NIGHT BEFORE, my kids get sicker and we are up all night.
This time I really thought it would happen. I mean we've been sick for THREE MONTHS, we've been at the doctor EVERY WEEK, SURELY this time we'd be healthy. And until the last minute we were. Until Lancelot woke me in the night retching for the first time in his life and his sisters rash which she has had for over a week and has been prescribed lotions for decided to have a wicked flare up and send her into a tailspin monumental breakdown. And so we cancelled....again. And right now I just want to give up.