"Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up." - Ray Romano (on Everybody Loves Raymond)
Ray couldn't have been more right. Except in my house there's an extra comparison as well....everyone is obsessed with breasts.
I don't understand men and their fascination with our lady lumps. I have to agree with Julia Robert's when she says, "What is it with men and breasts anyway? I mean your mother has them, your grandmother has them, every woman in the WORLD has them. They make milk for goodness sakes. What's so special about them?" Here, here Julia. And yet men seem spell bound by them. Now on my husbands end I have to say that even though I don't claim to agree or understand I am amazed and honoured that he still finds something sexy in mine.
It's my daughters obsession that's becoming the problem. She is eleven months as of yesterday and still seems to have NO intention of stopping her sucking addiction. Perhaps some of the problem springs from the fact that she's never really bought the idea of a bottle or sucked on a soother. Her sippy cup is the closest she's come to something other than mommy's milk. Half the time I think she's just using me as a soother instead of actually needing the nourishment. The strange thing is that out of all my friends who were pregnant when I was, I would have been voted least likely to breast feed at all, never mind beyond six months. I just wasn't that interested. My daughter, diva that she is, demanded other plans. Actually my husband did as well, being ever protective of his baby girl and completely buying the idea that "breast is best". Somewhere along the way as I watched her suckle I got sucked into it too and soon, without warning or wanting to admit it, was almost afraid of the day she would decide on something else. Now out of all our friends with babies around the same age...I am the only one with a baby still at my breast.
This wouldn't worry me if it wasn't for the fact that I do NOT want to be one of those mothers with a toddler tugging on her shirt. At some point, in the not so distant future, this breast addiction needs to be nipped in the bud. I've tried several tactics but most only make life miserable. My latest plan of attack is entitled "Fill and Distract". The "Fill" part of the plan consists of me shoving a sippy cup and sometimes snacks in her face every hour or so. This part of the plan dropped us down to four feedings a day...not bad but still more breast than I'm willing to show. That's why I've added another weapon, "Distract". I started this morning by popping her in the stroller instead of nursing her before her first nap. It worked so well that after we got home she still slept in the stroller for an hour and I managed to do a little house cleaning! We'll see how she holds up...and what I'll do when the weather won't work with me.
But, despite the breast addiction, the thousands of throw ups, the broken, dirty, damaged decor, and the seeming assumption that I don't need sleep....I'm glad I got into this frat house.