Friday, June 15, 2007

To be or not to be...

To be or not to be...THAT is the question that can raise some of the most dangerous debates of our day. Should I/you be a stay at home mother or not? This may be the single most sensitive topic of motherhood. On one hand you have the work outside the home mothers who fight for their right to rise in the business world, to keep their individuality, to perfect the balancing act of being both corporate and cuddly. Some of these work because they have to, others work because they want to. Either way you can rest assured they have a defensive answer to anyone who questions the wisdom of their decision. On the other hand you have the work at home moms who feel they are fighting the pressures or NOT being in the business world. Who worry about money or making it on a more minimal budget. Who face the monotony of days at home and the judgement of the working class for not pursueing their careers. Each side has their reasons and I've found each side to be, at least on occasion, extremely heated about them. This is why this post may get me some backlash but I am going to throw it out there anyway. I'm not saying which is right or wrong for the world. Just simply what is right for me and why. The other side may have just as good a defense but this is my blog so I'm going to discuss my decision.

I am a work at home mom. I don't like the term stay at home because it implys that you actually stay in your home. Which I rarely do. I have been without a "career" since being placed on bed rest during my pregnancy and plan on working at home until my daughter (and any children to follow) are starting school. This is at the very least (unless of course some horrible thing happens that forces me to return to work) the amount of time I plan to be at home. My mother has been a SAHM(yes I know I said I hated that term but it's easier to write for now) since I was a baby and still is to this day even though my youngest brother is already sixteen. I would like to follow in her footsteps.

There are many reasons why I made the choice to be a sahm. But above all it is because I can't imagine missing out on this miracle. My husband and I didn't think we would be able to have biological children and so my duaghters conception and arrival were a miracle to us. Every minute I am reminded of that and I can't imagine not watching that miracle unfold. Now to clarify, I would have stayed home even if our daughter was adopted because I see all children as miracles. How could anything so intricate come into being without an incredible designer? I want to see what else is in store.

Here are a few of the things I would have missed in just the last two weeks if I was not a full time mom.

- My daughter learning to sip from a straw

-My daughter saying 'momma" for the first time

- Little Lady learning to clap with both hands together rather than just slapping her knee.

-Her learning to turn on her radio.

-Little Lady pulling herself up on a pool cue!

-Her learning how to ring the doorbell

-Her first popsicle (home made from frozen unsweetened apple juice and water)

-Little Lady learning to push herself on her toy car

-Taking Her for her nine month pictures

And so many more! I know that some of these are not major milestones. But they're still so amazing! This baby was completely helpless just nine months ago and now look at all the new things she's learning! How could I miss out on even one of these incredible moments? All this happened in the span of just two weeks. What would I be missing if I was gone most of the hours of her day Monday through Friday? Already my husband misses out on so much and he spends all the time he can with her. I can't imagine both of us missing her grow.

So for me the decision is easy. It may be momotonous. It may be a bit tighter on the budget. And it certainly doesn't make much business sense. But I won't be missing a minute of my miracle!


Lara said...

Good for you - you have to do what feels right. I'm going back to work in a few months for various reasons, including financial, and I'm sort of looking forward to it, but not as much as I'm dreading it. I think in a perfect world I would work 2-3 days a week, so that I had me stuff, and stay home the rest. But oh well. Either way, I'm sure your experience will be a fabulous one.
And she's done all that?? Wow! I love watching the new stuff unfold!

nutmeg said...

Thanks for reminding me why I stay home!

Vicky said...

I was also on bed rest for the last few weeks of my pregnancy. I did a lot of thinking, and realized that I did not want to go back to my old job/career. So I applied to Teacher's College, and I'm going back to school in September. I've heard the job market in Ottawa isn't that great for new teachers, but I am happy to supply teach for a few years while I have my family. I think that will give me the best of both worlds- staying home with my children, but also bringing in some money. Your daughter is beautiful, and I think it's great that you are capturing all of her milestones in your blog.