Friday, June 22, 2007

To be or not to be.... Part Two

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just want to rip out your hair? Moments when you feel about ten feet past your wits end? I had one of those moments last night. Where all I was wishing for was a bubble bath, a good book, and an entire basket of chocolate. I wanted a few baby free hours, a few moments to myself.

And yet I didn't. I know this will make me sound more than a little crazy but hopefully some of you other moms will get me. While on the one hand I desperately desire an escape from being a full time mommy, on the other hand even that thought makes me insane with guilt. I love my daughter more than life itself and every moment I'm away from her is like ripping my heart right out of my chest. It's like this battle wages within me every time I even think about leaving my baby for even an hour!

The most horrible part about it is that my husband simply can NOT understand. Whenever I try to explain these feelings he feels I am attacking him and it leads dangerously close to a fight. He doesn't understand why I feel guilty for leaving my little girl to go out with the grown ups. He doesn't understand why I feel trapped after two days of talking to no one except a nine month old and occasionally him.

These are the downfalls of being a day in day out mom. But there are also moments that are so priceless, and despite the rainy days...I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just had to link this post by Cheeky Lotus because I think she sums up the struggles of a SAHM perfectly.

To all you SAHMS out there, stay strong!


nutmeg said...

GO OUT! I promise, it will make you a better mother. You need to cultivate 'you' because you are your daughter's best example of self-esteem and self-respect. Push aside the guilt!

Erika said...

That post cheered me up and made me sad all at the same time, I love you Riss and I think that you are an amazing mother. I wish that I lived closer to you to insist that you take a girls night!

Erika said...

Did you get my email that explains my 'jerkiness'?

Vicky said...

I've often felt like I needed moments of not being a mom anymore. I can understand the feeling of guilt too. But I agree with Nutmeg. You will be a better mother to your daughter if you take care of yourself. What if you scheduled some daddy-daughter time? Maybe you wouldn't feel guilty about taking some time for you if you knew that it was so your husband could have some alone time with his daughter too?

The best thing my husband does for me is takes Joel in the morning when he wakes up so I can get another hour of sleep. They get to spend the morning together getting ready, and I get some extra sleep that really makes a difference in my day.

Hang in there!

Lara said...

I remember being told before Kiernan was born that it was important to take time for myself after he was born and scoffing at the person who said it to me. I thought "you don't know me. I'm not going to need to get away from my baby". So when I did feel the need to get away, I felt really guilty. But I did it anyways, and it did me good.
And it got easier, and I do it more often. I know that those me moments are the ones that rejuvenate me and make me a better mom when I come back.

Selah said...

where ever i am there's always pooh, there's always pooh and me.
what ever i do he wants to do,
"where are you going today?" says pooh.
"well that's very odd, cause i was too!"
"let's go together" says pooh, says he.
"let's go together" says pooh!

You are a brilliant mother and a BEAUTIFUL woman! don't ever forget it!