Friday, June 29, 2007

The Poopcapades

*sigh* Someone should have warned me of this when I signed on. Oh I knew there'd be dirty diapers, and I'd seen baby's (i.e. my brother) spit up so much that no matter how many loads of laundry were washed another few were waiting. So I wasn't entirely unprepared for poop and puke. But what I WASN'T counting on was the explosions. The horrific, heart stopping, expelations (is that a word?)

I was acclimatized to the throw up fountain who was my daughter by probably week six and so had yesterdays explosion been one of puke I probably wouldn't have batted an eyelash. Fortunately she stopped her extreme projectile puking at about seven months. Unfortunately I was not so lucky as for this particular incident to be of the puking variety.

Warning to the faint of heart or weak of stomach: Walk away while you still can. Those who are first time pregnant woman savouring the sweetness of that little bump, choose now whether you want to be well educated or enjoy a few more months of baby bliss.

I was sitting on the couch with Little Lady when I hear a "POP!" I'm serious. It wasn't your traditional fart, it was like a shot gun going off. I look at her in shock. She smiles sweetly up at me as if to say "Sucker!". I lift her up to take her to the nursery for a change and I gasp in horror. In two point two seconds flat my suede couch is now sporting a new and not so stylish covering. What do I do? I bring her to the bathroom to put her in the tub and strip her but not before poop spews forth on my floor (thankfully the tile not the carpet) as well!

Even when she had diarea I don't think she had a diaper disaster like that! Thankfully her dad came home during this delima and was able to help me handle it. It likely would have taken me hours otherwise. Oh and don't worry, I scrubbed and scoured everything so you don't have to stay away!

Anyway, the moral of this story is...make sure you know the specifics before you sign up!


Selah said...

haahaa the only reason this happened is cause you are having company this weekend! lol Very funny..i'm not gonna lie.. you are an amazing mother! Which is why i'm choosing to live vicariously through you and like.. never have children. :oP

nutmeg said...

Just wait until she gets roto virus and that happens every twenty minutes for a week! Fun shit, pun intended!

AmandaD said...

Oh the explosions! Can I tell you another litte secret? Wait until it's blueberries or worse, asparagus, that fuels the explosion and not breast milk...yeah, asparagus, not just for pee. But seriously, breastmilk poop, an aromatic delicacy compared to what comes later. And I loved your description of the sound. A "pop," brilliant!