It is 4 a.m. and I am awake. Several years ago this would have been a regular occurance. For much of my life I have suffered from insomnia...staying awake hours after I should have been asleep, waking without the ability to fall back asleep. Despite the shortage of slumber I seldom felt irritated with my insomnia...it was simply an aspect of my life. For most of my life I have also dealt with undiagnosed health issues. Almost constant pain and frequent stomach "attacks"...recently these were diagnosed as Fibermyalgia. But then again I have been diagnosed in the past with Ulcerative Colitis, ovarian cysts, lack of B12, Irritable bowel syndrom, and probably several other things. Not all of these have been accurate and doctors seem to frequently change their mind so who knows if this diagnosis will stick. Anyway, the symptoms are exaccerbated by lack of sleep which means that the times I have suffered most from insomnia I have also been the sickest. The sicker I am the more I stay up. Downward spiral. All this is to say that in recent years I have actually slept slightly better and recieved (some) reprieve from my symptoms.
That is until about two months ago. It seems I have past down my insomniac genes. At this moment Lancelot is happily nursing away after almost two hours of laughing on my lap. I love this boy. I love his laugh. I love that even when we are awake at a time when most of the world is asleep he still has the biggest smile. And more than anything I love to snuggle. But I am slowly losing all capability to function. For two months this boy who slept through the night pretty much since birth has decided he likes to be awake both night AND day. He is being treated for an ear infection which may be part of the problem but I suspect that the end of the ear ache will not yet mean restful nights as this has being going on for some time. I slog through my days and my mind feels like sludge. All I want to do is sleep! I feel sorry for his sister who definitely get the short end of the stick as far as mommy's attention goes since it takes all my energy just to maintain life durring the day. I wish we could all just cuddle up under our covers and drift off to dream land for a solid 8 hour sleep....or maybe even 12....for a week straight.
Anyway, this little sweetheart has momentarily drifted off to dream of breast milk and teething toys and all the wonderful wierd things that make him laugh. So I am off for another attempt at shut eye. Sweet Dreams!