Thursday, June 4, 2009


Today is what we are trying to focus on. Just getting through today. Our house is a little topsy turvy, school is on the back burner, most things are actually on the back burner. We have been missing appointments and forgetting to do stuff and sometimes it feels like we are forgetting to even talk about anything except Elijah or our Little Lady.
It is so great to know what is wrong with Elijah but I still feel discouraged. Although the surgery did help, he isn't instantly healthy of course and the reality is that unless the vocal cords regrow their nerves it will be a long time before he will be. Which means even when we get to bring him home he may be a baby we have to jump for every time he gets upset....which happens pretty easily if he is hungry....which is always because he is a little monster! I already feel so drained that I am worried about this. I am still praying that the cords will be healed completely and SOON so we know longer have to worry about him. The other problem is that I miss Little Lady SOOO much and she also misses us so much. And I worry that even when we get to come home...which we really don't know when that will be...if Elijah still needs so much attention she's still going to be feeling lonely. I am torn and heartbroken over this.
Here is an update on Elijah today:
He is still in NICU but he has started to feed quite well and they are hoping over night to slowly take him off IV.
He still sounds pretty terrible but they are hoping that will improve as he recovers from surgery. Although unless the vocal cords completely heal he will sounds terrible for quite awhile.
He still has a bit of trouble with oxygen. It is much better than before surgery but he does still desaturate when upset. I hate this.
Here are our prayer requests today:
Rest for us all. I have to go into NICU to feed him every couple of hours so it is very exhausting but hopefully the sleep in between will be good.
For Alliana. She is missing us and we are missing her.
For Elijah to be able to come off IV and be sounding MUCH better by morning.
For Elijahs de-sat's to be significantly better so that even though he may cry he will not turn blue or need intervention.
For us to be able to come home soon and hopefully with a healthy baby that we dont feel too worried about
For peace and balance....if these are possible.

Things you can do to help:
Some of you have been offering your help so besides praying like crazy and all the encouraging notes you have been sending (hugely appreciated by the way...we especially take comfort in the verses and songs people have left), here are a few other things:
-Anything to help Alliana out. Things that make her feel special in any way. Helping us be able to do things with her or doing stuff with her or whatever way that works out. We want her to know she is not forgotten in this time.
-We would appreciate any help with keeping our life organized. Food, light cleaning, whatever.

Thanks again for all prayers and support. We feel it and it means the world.


Evan and Mel said...

You have got to take a serious step back girl, you are going to burn out really fast at this rate and that will help no one in this situation. When we brought Micah home from a 3 week hospital stay we had Emmanuel at home who hadn't really spent anytime with me and had been living in the Ronald MacDonald house. I didn't ever worry about home life, I was just worried about my daughter's heart. Emmanuel bounced back within a couple days and we settled into a routine that included Micah needing care 24/7 and a Million doctor's appointments. It really does work, Micah wasn't ever allowed to cry and I was running to her all the time. Invest in a great sling and spend a bunch of time at the park with the baby in the sling. Ali will be okay, show her love when you can and allow others to pick up you slack when you are finding that you can't care for all her needs.
One thing I realized through losing our baby is you need to except help when offered and not feel bad about it. when your life slows down you will have more then enough opportunity to pay it back to someone else.
Take heart sweetie, don't give in to discouragement and do your best.
call me if you need to talk.

LeRoy and Faith said...

Carissa, we're praying for you and Ernest, little Elijah and Alli. Yes I am sure it is very hard for Alli, sensing something is really wrong. She is in good hands, and I am sure having lots of fun. We pray for Elijah to be healed immediately and that you can take your healthy son home soon.