"woosh, woosh, woosh" The sound of different babies beating hearts whirls around me as I walk down the corridor towards the waiting room. I want to stop and stand in silence, to soak up the sound that echoes around me, testament to the miracle of life. Like a whisper of hope, of another world, of an amazing and wonderful creator. I listen to the lullaby of baby's hearts beating through the hallway and wonder how anyone can hear a babies heart beat and not marvel at the miracle of life.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14
We had our second fetal assessment today. Perhaps because the possibilities felt less frightening this time around I was able to soak up the experience and for some reason found it incredibly moving. I allowed myself to feel swept away by the beautiful sound of little beating hearts that could be heard throughout the halls. I marveled as I watched my miracle baby move around inside me. Kicking, squirming, and bouncing as baby hands flailed in front of a beautiful baby face. I found my eyes welling up with tears of wonder as I watched my baby's eyes open and close and counted five little fingers curl and uncurl on a feisty little fist. My children are both blessings sent straight from heaven, each with their own special story. As I contemplated this throughout my day I felt happier and more content than I have in weeks. Our life in the last little while has been difficult and I have often found my days dreary, my mind discouraged, and my emotions depressed. Somehow for that moment, of holding my husbands hand and focusing on yet another one of God's miracles, put all of my pressures in crystal clear perspective.
Our baby looks healthy and whole. I even feel less frustrated by my weight gain as we were told today our baby is measuring about two weeks bigger than our due date would dictate. They won't move the due date but if I go to term they predict it will be a pretty big baby. My daughter actually measured small at her ultrasound and if they had moved her due date it would have been almost a week later. However, she was born two weeks early and was still almost seven and a half pounds! We'll see how things work out with this one. I'm really hoping I don't go quite full term as the evidence points to a very big baby in that case...and more painful pushing!
My husband and I will still be having some genetic testing done on ourselves to see if we are carriers of any of the genetic diseases that are dispersed throughout our families in case problems may arise in the future. However, there is no immediate need to worry about the baby. We are praying that all the genetic tests will come back showing that we neither have nor carry any of the genetic diseases and therefore will not pass them along. It is still a very serious prayer request but at this point one we do feel a little more at peace about. Our biggest concern is Ataxia which runs in my husbands family. It is the only disease for which one of us is still possibly susceptible and for which there is no real treatment at this time. Please continue to pray with us that my husband does not have or carry this gene.
I end today with tender thoughts and praising the God of grace who has given me a heart full of hope....
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power, that is at work within us, to him be GLORY....throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" Ephesians 3:20-21