It's time for a Cosmo confession. I hate cats. And by hate I don't mean strongly dislike...I really do mean hate. Hate is a strong word says my mother. Well mom, if you don't mind, I think my feelings are strong enough to warrant the statement. It's not just the fact that I get sneezy, sniffly, stuffy, SICK around them. It's not just because of allergies and diseases like Toxoplasmosis that scare me silly. It's because I'm actually secretly terrified of them. Not scared. I'm heart pounding-palm sweating-tongue tying TERRIFIED. I don't admit this easily. After all, many of my friends love cats. Many of my friends HAVE cats. And it's not exactly polite to tell your friend you are not only freaked out over their pet....you think it's the spawn of the devil. Yes, that's right. I secretly think most cats are possessed. Why people keep them as pets is beyond me. But that's actually beside the point.
The other morning I walked into my garage to get the door when a strange shape caught my eye from the window sill. I turn...I cringe....it can't be....but it is...a huge orange cat! Sitting there as if it owns my garage. How am I going to get rid of it? I call my husband in a panic.
"There's a CAT in the garage! A CAT! What do I do? I can't go back in there!"
"Why are you laughing? This is SO not funny!"
"Sorry but you sound hilarious. Just chase it out."
"Uh-uh. I'm not going back in there!" Silently I am shuddering at even the THOUGHT of all the diseases that stray thing is probably hosting.
"Just get a broom from the closet, open the garage door, and chase it out."
"Ok..." I set Little Lady down and SLOWLY creep into the garage. I'm hoping it's somehow disappeared but there it is, still on the sill. I swat the broom in it's direction.
"Shoo. Scat. Aaeeeeiii!"
More laughter on the line.
"I'm hitting it! It's hissing! It's arching it's back and it's hissing and it's not even moving! It's possessed. I can't do this. I'm going back inside." All this time I am also screaming and n0w so is my traumatized daughter who is waiting inside wondering what in the world her mother is up to.
Anyway, to make a long story short I end up calling my brother to come over and remove the cat but when he arrives we can't find it anywhere. We assume it has already escaped through the open garage door. I am relieved. The cat is gone. The world is alright.
Later as I drive to an appointment I hear a strange thump, bump, tumble sound and I look in my rear view mirror.......
The cat runs across the road. I assume it was snuggled up under my engine and finally couldn't take the heat. Thank goodness for that. At least now I know it's REALLY gone as it will take at least some time to come all the way over here from the other side of town. But I am still terrified.