I think I'm finally coming around. For months I've been missing something. Missing girls nights, missing me time, missing make out sessions and afternoon sex. Basically just missing life before a baby. It made me feel so frustrated because I couldn't understand why I wasn't 100% happy when I had everything I had ever wanted. This weekend I finally realized why.
When you fly on an airplane they always give you that lovely little speech before take off. Really I think it's a bunch of bologne just there to make freaked out flyers feel better, because if any of those "events" ever actually happened ...you'd probably be dead before you had the time to do anything. Never the less, I have realized that in that little limerick there is a nugget of golden advice.
"In the unlikely event of a change in cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from the compartment over head. Please don your own mask before assisting others."
PLEASE DON YOUR OWN MASK BEFORE ASSISTING OTHERS.
If you try and help your husband, your kids, or the old woman across the aisle first...you're going to pass out and creat an even bigger problem! Get yourself some oxygen and then lend a helping hand.
I've been running myself ragged feeling guilty for not being good enough. Not being a good enough mother, wife, woman. But all this time I could have been better if I'd focued even a little on getting myself some oxygen.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still panicking at the thought of packing up and leaving my little sweetheart for more than a couple of hours. And I'm still not wild about going out without either of my two favourite people on a regular basis. But I think I may be getting better.
My best friend came to the rescue again this weekend. Somehow she always seems to see me. And by seeing me she helps me take a look in the mirror. This Saturday I spent four hours away from Little Lady and Prince Charming just shopping and sipping lemonade with Kellie. It was the first time I had been out alone without one of them in almost a year. It was incredible. Kellie helped me to see that I am a passionate person and I need something more to pour myself into. Something for me. She helped me to realize I don't need to feel guilty about going out occasionally and that it really will make me a better mother (and wife). Having that time with her filled me with hope and made me feel about ten year younger. When we were in high school we had matching fish called Shalom and Selah. Siamese Fighting fish named peace. :o) This weekend she brought that back to me again. Peace in the middle of a beautiful mess. While we were out I also picked up the book "Breaking the Good Mom Myth". I don't agree with everything in it but it's been a very inspiring read so far.
This past weekend was also mending on the marriage field. Saturday night we decided to take a mini second honeymoon (baby in tow) and snuck off to my parents cabin alone. After putting Little Lady to bed we sat in the jacuzzi and reconnected in a way we hadn't done in months. On Sunday Little Lady was a doll and took 2 two hour naps....We used our time wisely! ;o) I don't doubt that had I not had that time out I wouldn't have been willing or ready to enjoy the weekend that way.
In other news: Little Lady started taking steps holding on to us with only one hand. Prince Charming enrolled in schoool for September (only part time distance education but he'll finally be learning computer programming the way he always planned). And today I completed my first successful day of weaning! We cut out one feeding without TO much whining. Only four more left to face!
One more story before I stop this LONG post:
Little Lady is a wild little rebel. Not only has she become the world's smallest tease with the biggest attitude...she's also a shop lifter! On Friday I was walking out of Costco when suddenly I saw a sweet little princess sleeper clasped in her hands. I'm not sure how nobody noticed but somehow she snuck it by! Also, earlier while we were looking at movies she kept picking up the Carman Electra lap dance DVD!!!! I kept putting it back and handing her Friends box sets and DVD's on flight but somehow she kept finding it! No matter where I put it she would pull it out. Who ever thought a baby could make me blush? Apparently it's her favourite! I think I better start scowering books on discipline....:o)