Lately I've been thinking about how we often have a lot of dreams, ideas, and good intentions but how they don't always manage to materialize. For example, you might visualize your relationship with someone to be a certain way but without putting in the effort to achieve that it's not just magically going to happen. I might imagine that Prince Charming and I, ten years down the line, are going to travel together and laugh and be the couple that never runs out of conversation. But in order to actually get that image in my mind to be a reality I have to put in the work now. If I visualize myself as being really close with a friend that won't be reality unless I am putting in the time and the effort to be there, make the phone call, etc. There have been times with friends where I have assumed that we are very close but over time I begin to realize that we are drifting or have drifted apart and usually it's because we have both been busy and without even realizing it have been neglecting each other. Sometimes it's because I've been making the phone calls, sending the messages or gifts, planning the get togethers, but it's been a one way street and I've eventually got tired of being the main person to put in the effort. In any case, I've realized that our perceptions of our relationships don't mean much if they are not based on real actions.
One of the areas where I realized that I haven't been putting in the effort to get the results I want is in my relationship with Little Lady. One of my fears about having a daughter was that we would have a strained relationship where she would feel as if she couldn't quite measure up. Sometimes since her brother was born I've been afraid that I am fostering exactly that kind of relationship since so often the focus has been on him and his sickness, achievements, etc. I know what it's like being the big sister who can't quite compete with the cute little miracle brother and I don't want her to feel the same. Although I realize it's not reality, I want a Gilmore Girls esq relationship with my Little Lady...or at least as close as reality will let me come. So lately I've decided to do something about it. Here and there I've been finding ways to connect with her as a friend and not just a mom. Looking online for dresses (she's a shopper), watching wedding movies (she's all about brides lately), etc.
Last night we had our first spontaneous sleepover and it was SO worth it! We hauled out the double bed mattress from the spare bedroom and set it up on her floor with lots of special blankets and pillows. We rented a girly movie and ate a ton of junk food. We painted our nails shades of pink with tons of sparkle. We giggled and chatted and every minute was so special. Even as she fell asleep she kept randomly giving me kisses and saying "I love you" or "You're so special". I will treasure these moments forever and hope that they are working to make the relationship I want a reality.
Oh and I almost forgot! About a week ago Little Lady made up a song all on her own...with a tune and lines that actually made sense! Her song : "Jesus is the yarn that holds it all together. Jesus holds me all together. Jesus holds me all together." A budding little song writer!