I can't seem to stop thinking about the storm we have been facing. Maybe it's the fact that the last three days have been nothing but damp, dark and dreary but I just can't stop the fear from practically suffocating me. Even as I go about my day acting as if everything is fine...hidden back in my brain is the fear of our upcoming scope and all the weight the evaluation will carry. I feel like you do on those days when the heat and humidity make you unable to do anything but sweat and feel as if you are suffocating. It doesn't help that in the past few days Lancelot has been a nosier baby again with a lot of "musical" breathing, "Darth Vader" sounds, and a new one that sounds like a squeak toy. Prince Charming passes these off with a shrug and says, "Maybe he'll have a great movie career!". If only I found it so easy to be so cavalier about my son's vocal cords.
I hate the paranoia. As a child I had a phobia of the wind and would do almost anything to avoid being out in it. Just a slight breeze had me planning and back-up-planning every worst case scenario. What if a tornado would hit? Where would I go? What would I do? I feel like that now. Someone coughs near by my baby and I instantly feel my entire body tense. I want to scream at parents of other kids who come near. I want to wrap us all in bubble wrap or lock us up in a storm shelter. However, at the same time...I also want so badly to be back to normal. I am constantly battling that inner tug-of-war wondering where to draw the line.
The scope is on Monday. On Monday we will know whether we continue in this dreary weather...this wondering...this worry...this waiting. Or maybe we get good news. I think that would feel like a get-out-of-jail-free card. With how musical my little man has been I find it hard to believe we'll get the news we want. But I also know that God does miracles and I need to believe the best for my little boy.
Please continue to pray with us for complete healing of the vocal cords and that 1) the scope will go smoothly on Monday and 2)The cords will be fully functioning allowing us to walk out of that doctors office and never go back!
Thank you for your prayers and support!