Ode To Umbrella Moments

Don't you ever grow up Part One

2010-12-21T15:43:00.007-06:00

Working with the "update" theme I thought it was time to also fill you in on where Lancelot and Little Lady are these days. I'll update on Lancelot first.

-Lancelot is now 18 months old and continues to be our friendly monster! He was up to 32 pounds but dropped around 6 pounds while he was hospitalized. He is recovering it quickly though and is already back to 30! It sounds like a lot but he actually isn't really chubby at all, he's just tall and sturdy! He wears size 2T or 3T in clothing and size 3T-4T in hats, socks, and mittens. I think he's about 32 inches tall right now. He is in size 9 shoes! Prince Charming likes to joke that Lancelot's size comes from him but in all reality we have no idea how we landed such a giant! Prince Charming is on the smaller side for a guy and I am tall for a girl but nothing crazy. Most of our extended family is on the smaller side as well. The only exceptions are a few random people on my mom's side and then several on my dad's side so I guess that's where he gets it!

-Everything on him must be muscle because we are continuously surprised by this kids strength. At a year he could already crush a pop can with his hands! This has been a real challenge in the parenting department because of course Lancelot doesn't understand his own strength at all yet and most people do not expect a toddler to be able to out maneuver them...but he can. When he was in the hospital it took FIVE adults...using most of our strength...to hold him down whenever they needed to take blood or do procedures. He is the incredible hulk!

-He now has a large vocabulary and tries several new words almost every day. For the most part he still only uses one or two words together at a time but every once in awhile he'll pull out a complete sentence. The other day he was becoming frustrated after jabbering to me for almost a minute about something where the only words I could make out properly was "daddy" and "ball". Finally with a look of exasperation he said, "Where did Daddy put it!?".

-He is a momma's boy and loves to cuddle with me which is something I am cherishing knowing that he is my last baby. He doesn't like to cuddle much with anybody else...although his sister and a few choice friends do get hugs...but he is almost always up for a cuddle with mommy. It is one of the few times in a day where I see his quieter, more gentle side. Most of the day he is the Energizer Bunny just getting into one type of trouble after another...but now and then he'll come to me with his arms outstretched and say "Up Mommy" and I'll get a few sweet seconds of snuggles.

-Besides mommy his two favorite people in the world are his sister and his Pappa. When he was in the hospital I think one of the hardest things for him was not seeing Little Lady. He talked about her constantly and the one time she was actually able to visit he lit up like a Christmas tree and screamed with happiness!

-He still loves anything to do with a ball. Hockey, golf, football, soccer. It doesn't really matter as long as some type of ball is involved. The first thing he will go for in a play room is the balls. He is thrilled to see them on tv or video games and basically anywhere one might pop up. He has some kind of radar for them. I won't even notice there is a ball around but you can guarantee that if there is one within the boundaries he is allowed to roam...he will find it.

-His second favorite thing is cars and trucks. He loves to shout "TUCK!" every time he sees a truck when we are driving and is able to turn almost anything into a vehicle complete with sound effects. Yes he is ALL boy. I marvel at this sometimes. When Little Lady was a toddler she was the most girliest little girl you could ever meet (still is) and people would often tell me it was because she spent all her time with me and I am so girly. Well if that reasoning were true then Lancelot should be an extremely feminine little fellow since he not only spends all his time with me but now there is a second girly girl added to the equation! But no, he is all snakes and snails and puppy dog tails.

-Which brings me to his third love. Puppies. Little Lady always liked pets but really she could take them or leave them. Her attitude was, "Sure they're cute to look at but there are much more fascinating things to find". Lancelot on the other hand thinks puppies really ARE perhaps a boys best friend.

-Lancelot also loves drums and any music with a beat. He usually watches in complete awe whenever somebody is drumming. He especially likes a visual component to music...like watching music videos.

-A few other favourites: Sesame Street (specifically the Old Spice parody commercial on YouTube or anything to do with Grover or Elmo), "DuhDuh" or in other words Dora, Handy Many/working with tools/helping daddy work with tools, Hide and Seek, everything sweet, popcorn, chicken, pasta, cheese, apples, dancing, and balloons.

-I used to say that Little Lady was high maintenance...and she is, emotionally. But I had no idea how easy I had things physically!! Lancelot is much more even keeled emotionally but in other ways he is every bit as high maintenance as his sister....maybe even more! He gets into everything. And that's not exaggerating. I mean it. Literally. Everything. You can not take your eyes off this kid for one moment. You turn your back and he's climbed inside the stove, you walk into the other room for a moment and you come back to find him in another room...eating toilet bowl cleaner! He has climbed the ladder to our tree house, mastered child proof locks in order to eat dish detergent, climbed shelving, jumped across an entire room to hang by his arms off the bathroom vanity in order to play with the soap, ...the list goes on...and on. He is so tall, strong, and determined that he just keeps going til he figures something out, opens a door, unscrews a jar. Little Lady might have tried but most of the time she would just burst into tears the moment it didn't work immediately. Lancelot on the other hand will just do it over and over until he figures it out. Prime example: He likes to climb on the dining room table to play with my centerpiece. Sometimes I will pull him off ten times in a row and block his strategy, but that won't change a thing...he'll just find a new way to get back up. He won't fuss or cry that I've taken him down, just immediately look for a new strategy. Or just yesterday, he wanted some bubbles which I said we could play with later. I put them at the back of our counter where he couldn't reach. So he went and got his stool. Still couldn't quite reach. So he went and got one of his books, climbed on the stool, lined the book up with the bubble container, "curled" the book across the counter top so that it knocked over the bubble container enough that he could reach it, then happily claimed his prize! The determination is phenomenal, it is only matched by the challenge this creates for parenting!

-He is still on the bottle for night and nap time. I know I should have him weaned. He does drink from normal cups or no-spill cups already the rest of the time. But the bottle is one of his comfort objects and with the many times he has been sick or in the hospital I just haven't had the heart to remove that comfort yet.

-He has been showing an interest in potty training for the last couple of months and has gone on the potty quite a few times already and definitely gets the concept. I don't know if I want to pursue it yet but I do let him go whenever he wants. Since he is already in size 6 diapers (Little Lady never wore anything bigger than 4!) I should probably start pushing the potty idea but I'm just not sure I want that hassle yet.

-Tonight as I write this post he is sleeping in front of our Christmas tree (it is our tradition to have a sleepover on our Christmas Eve), hopefully dreaming sweet sugar plum type dreams. He is so excited to open presents and was thrilled tonight when he got new superman pajamas and slippers to go to bed in! Of course he wanted to open all of his presents at once. Hopefully the kids won't wake us at 4 in the morning ready for Christmas to start!

It's a (Wonderful?) Life

2010-12-21T15:23:00.009-06:00

It has been literally months since I have stepped inside this blogging box and attempted to describe to you the life we are leading. In fact, by this time I am probably talking to myself. But that's alright because I feel I should start putting my thoughts down on "paper" again, even if I am the only one who will read them. It's a way to organize the part inside my mind that sometimes feels overwhelmed trying to process all the thought patterns that scramble through on any given day....or minute. For the record, I did not intend to stop blogging but after our camping catastrophe this summer the stuff that fills our lives became so all consuming that every time I thought about blogging I couldn't even begin to see where I would start. Of course it didn't help that blogger erased my old lay out and I have found it impossible to find a new one for free that fits my desired design. Who wants to write on ugly paper? Silly I know but I'm shallow like that. If it weren't so difficult I'd pen my pent up emotions on beautiful frayed parchment with a fountain pen. But alas, this is the convenient, time efficient way to express emotions (doesn't that sound like a bit of an oxy moron?). It seems to me that after an absence of this extent I should supply some sort of update about our lives...however, a complete update would be almost as overwhelming to read as it was to live and would be way to lengthy to type. So instead I will take the easy way out and give you our last few months in sentences. And maybe I'll slip in a picture or two.

-Little Lady celebrated her fourth birthday Fancy Nancy style. Fancy Nancy is a book series for little girls that we discovered almost two years ago and Little Lady has been collecting everything Fancy Nancy ever since. In Fancy Nancy's world everything is elaborate, dramatic, and expressed with big words. We had makeovers, made tiara's, accessorized, had a fashion show, read a few Fancy Nancy stories, and finished it off with a fancy tea.
-We said "So Long" (What a strange phrase) to dear friends of ours as they moved to another province. This has been especially hard on Little Lady who misses their daughter terribly.

-Lancelot had his third surgery. It went well although the recovery has been a long long road.
-Our computer crashed and my laptop crashed, twice. I lost all of our photo albums...including all of Lancelot's birth to six month album which I create on the computer. The cost, time, and memories lost was a major blow.

-I celebrated another birthday and feel extremely old. I know, I know, 26 is not old...blah,blah, blah. It's hard to explain. Have you ever watched Jerry Maguire? At one point the female lead is having a conversation with her sister and her sister reminds her she needs to be responsible while going out for an evening. The female lead says, "Do you know how other girls my age are spending their time? They are finishing their degrees, they are dating, they are dressing up and going out all the time, (etc.). I am constantly thinking about how to pay the bills, what to do for my four year old, (etc.). (and here's the part that I really identify with..) I am the oldest 26 year old in the entire world!" When I was 18 and engaged I didn't think I was too young. When I was 21 and pregnant I didn't think I was too young. Now I am 26 with two kids, have been married almost 7 years, and have put my life, education, and career on hold 3 times in order to make my families life work. I have what everybody supposedly aims for....husband, 2 kids, owning two cars and home with a nice fenced yard...all I need is the dog (which will NOT happen) and I'd essentially have "The American Dream". Yet something in my head keeps screaming, "I am too young for this!"

-Prince Charming graduated with his Masters in Business.

- I went through three new doctors to finally find one I trusted enough to help me try and fix my increasingly debilitating health issues. I went through weekly/biweekly appointments and a new prescription that multiplied all my issues by about a thousand and made everything a million times worse.

-Prince Charming and I went on a much needed week long vacation. It was our first trip alone together since our honeymoon and the first time we had left both kids for more than a night. We got extremely lucky in that his company needed to send somebody to Hawaii for a one day job exactly the week we were hoping to get away and they sent him! This meant that our costs for our vacation were cut in half which was a huge relief and we also got to experience a dream of ours and go to Hawaii which is something that likely wouldn't have happened for years otherwise. The downside of this trip is that during this time I was still on the previously mentioned medication which made most of the trip so much more miserable then we would have liked. The upside is that we got to sleep, soak up sun, and surf and so we still managed to capture a few much needed magical moments.- We all got sick on a nice little sickness merry-go-round. Our household has not been fully healthy since Early/Mid-November.

-Lancelot was hospitalized with a very serious illness called Kawasaki's Disease. This was a nightmare. He will be monitored by cardiologists for 3 months. Hopefully all is clear in those months and the monitoring will not have to continue.

-During the sickness merry-go-round I have not been able to work much, we had to cancel many events, two weekend trips, and numerous other things got moved around or lost in the shuffle.

-We had numerous disappointments in my job with the drop-in.

-We've had numerous small financial set backs that added with everything else feel much worse than they actually are.

-My brother got engaged to this beautiful girl and I am finally getting a sister!-I finally found a specialist who could diagnose me. Currently I have been labeled with 5 different conditions. No that's not a typo. Five. We are still in the testing phases to determine some of the severity and the correct approach. I have been told I will never be "cured" but they hope I will eventually feel "healthy". I am currently on a very restricted diet and also have to make considerable lifestyle changes. This will not change regardless of test outcomes but some medications will likely be added as well.

Well, that's a summary of our lives since I last set foot here. To sum up...we are struggling. On the up side (because I feel that I need to end this post on some sort of up side), I recently enjoyed my annual review of "It's A Wonderful Life" and despite the discouragement in our lives I was reminded of one thing...there is always a reason we are here. We may not be sure of it's existence...but somewhere...somewhere behind the darkness there is hope.

P.S. Next time I'll give you an update on the kids because despite their ride on the sickness wheel they have a lot of exciting things to share!

The Camping Chronicles

2010-08-22T11:40:00.003-05:00

You know how you can take a wild animal and train it to become domestic? You know how they always say that it doesn't work the other way around? That they can't release zoo animals back into the wild or Orca Whales from Sea World back into the ocean? That the animal will not be able to survive in the wild? Well, in the last two weeks I discovered that this is also true of humans.

A family friend was getting married a couple of provinces away and as we had never done a family vacation before my husband and I had the extremely intelligent idea to turn our trip to the wedding into a family get away. The theory of this was really very sound and would likely have worked out wonderfully...IF we had been been more wise in the way that we executed the endeavor. Our "inspired" idea was to turn it into our very first family camping trip. Naively we thought we were being brilliant. Think of the money we would save without staying in hotels! Think of the magical moments roasting marshmallows in the evenings and and playing games in the trailer on rainy days! Think of how hassle free we would have things without having to haul stuff into a hotel every night! Oh how innocent we were.

We started off on the wrong foot to begin with. We were late leaving town and immediately realized we had forgotten some very important items...like an axe. This put us even further behind schedule since we obviously had to go back to pick ours up since chopping firewood with a kitchen knife is pretty near impossible. As it turned out we needn't have bothered. Camping, it seems, has changed since I was a kid. Not a single campsite, except for the one we stayed at in the city where we attended the wedding (take note I said IN THE CITY, all the other campsites were in the country) allowed fires. Not only did they not allow them...they didn't even have fire pits! The closest we came was one campsite that had a small fire STAND! Something like a mini barbecue on top of a pole.

As for the saving money without staying in hotels thing? Again, naive. We quickly discovered that the cost of driving my dad's pick up truck (our SUV is not large enough to tow the very heavy trailer we borrowed. It's not a big trailer but it's old so it's heavy) plus pulling a trailer is about tripple what we had originally expected. We had to fill up gas a minimum of every two hours and each fill cost around 80 bucks. And if we didn't find a gas station every 100 km or so (which happened three times)....we ran out of gas. Costing us even more money as we had to either call a tow truck or walk to find fuel. In a matter of days we realized we were totally blowing our budget.

Then there was the hassle thing. We travel a lot and so honestly we are pretty excellent packers. The hassle of hauling stuff into a hotel every night and then out again the next day ended up being WAY less than setting up and taking down a campsite daily. Add to that the fact that when camping you are still washing your own dishes, cooking your own food, cleaning up your own area....and we quickly deduced that this was NOT vacation. This was simply taking your life on the road, cramming it into closer quarters, and doing it while sleeping closer to your neighbour than if they actually lived in your own backyard.

By the time we reached our first official stop we were SO ready for a break. We spent two days in a mall, at a water park, and on amusement park rides. That part was all a welcome relief and the kids LOVED every minute. However, while there my cell phone, containing my entire brain as well as access to all my information, was stolen. So we ended up spending our first full evening and a good part of the second day working on trying to resolve that issue.

When we finally reached the wedding city we had decided we were now MORE stressed than before we left home and were DONE with this camping idea. We were tired of being dirty. Tired of tiny camp showers and trying to cook our meals on a teeny tiny stove. We were tired of driving and tired of campsites. We were done with constant disappointment and ready for REAL relaxation. I.E. A hotel. So we decided that after the wedding we would simply head straight home rather than extending our stay for the initially planned second week. We decided that even staying in a fairly nice hotel and paying for our food would still end up SAVING us money compared to what we were spending on camping.

We spent a wonderful few days attending the wedding and seeing friends and family in the wedding city. That part of our trip was 100% worth it. Honestly I wish that had been our whole trip. Next time we will probably just fly there and stay with family or at a hotel. It was SO incredible to see all our friends and family. Made me very homesick for them and for that city!

The day after the wedding we began our trip home and it was a good thing! Just a few hours into the trip Lancelot got a wicked high fever and was very sick. We stopped at a hospital where they said he had a throat infection and put him on antibiotics. The next day Little Lady had it. By the time we got home we were all sick and everyone but PC was on antibiotics! Not much of a vacation!

However, determined to still salvage our vacation we packed up and headed for a hotel in the city. Thankfully we had an amazing time there! We swam a LOT, shopped a little, ate out or ordered in and played with the kids. The perfect vacation! And we are totally ok with being domestic animals!

Reunion

2010-07-31T11:39:00.002-05:00

Last night my grad class had a little mini-reunion. It's been 8 years since grad and even though some of us live in the same town...and our grad class was only 25ish people...I honestly hadn't seen some of these people since our graduation day! It's strange how even the people we are closest to in high school can become people we never see. For instance one of my best friends in high school I hadn't seen since I was pregnant with Little Lady four years ago! Even my maid of honour and I hadn't connected more than a handful of times in the past 6 years.

While it was slightly awkward to be the ONLY girl who has kids and therefore the ONLY one who doesn't have a gorgeous, toned, identical-to-the-one-she-had-8-years-ago body...it was actually amazing to reconnect. Initially I was worried it would be awkward and I was super nervous about heading out for the evening....but I quickly realized that while we have all made our way down different paths, we are still the same people at the core.

Which brings me to my point! This morning I am feeling so lucky. Lucky to have my kids and my husband. Lucky to have good new friends. And Lucky to have amazing old friends. I always knew that I was pretty lucky to go to school with the people I did but I realized it even more last night. For one, they have all become amazing, successful adults but what struck me even more is that even after all this time and distance and differences they genuinely still care about and look out for each other. This probably won't make sense to many of you without all the context...but I just had to write about it because I was so blown away by it.

To elaborate a little more..I had two very different high school experiences, one in a private Christian school and one in a public school where there were very few Christians (this is where I graduated). In the Christian school I always felt extremely judged, ostracized, and out of place. It was not a good experience for me at all. In the public school I had tons of friends who fully accepted me...regardless of the fact that I had some different beliefs...and who ALWAYS ALWAYS looked out for me and protected me and were there for me. It always made me think. What is so attractive about Christianity if a Christian feels SAFER with non-Christians?

People often ask us where we will send our kids to school. Our answer is always a resounding "Public School" because for BOTH of us our experiences were better in a public setting. Some people don't understand why we wouldn't send our kids to the Christian school for the "Christian environment" and to be honest? It's because to us the public school has the more Christ like environment even if it isn't "Christian".

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Gandhi

Over the past few days I have been thinking a lot about that quote. And yesterday just brought it into even sharper focus. As I am the director of a "Youth for Christ" drop in for teenagers I have to consider "How do I make the last part of Gandhi's statement different for these teenagers?" When they graduate will they say "I felt safer and more accepted with my non-Christian friends than with the Christians"? I find it so sad that that has been...and often still continues to be... my experience. How will we change this for the future?

Now I lay me

2010-07-27T21:37:00.003-05:00

Little Lady's prayer tonight after accidentally seeing one of her birthday presents...

"Dear Jesus, please, please, PLEEEAASSE tell me when it's my birthday and our camping trip so I can get those books. (Long Pause). There's not really anything else to say. "
.

Making the moment

2010-07-25T11:06:00.003-05:00

Lately I've been thinking about how we often have a lot of dreams, ideas, and good intentions but how they don't always manage to materialize. For example, you might visualize your relationship with someone to be a certain way but without putting in the effort to achieve that it's not just magically going to happen. I might imagine that Prince Charming and I, ten years down the line, are going to travel together and laugh and be the couple that never runs out of conversation. But in order to actually get that image in my mind to be a reality I have to put in the work now. If I visualize myself as being really close with a friend that won't be reality unless I am putting in the time and the effort to be there, make the phone call, etc. There have been times with friends where I have assumed that we are very close but over time I begin to realize that we are drifting or have drifted apart and usually it's because we have both been busy and without even realizing it have been neglecting each other. Sometimes it's because I've been making the phone calls, sending the messages or gifts, planning the get togethers, but it's been a one way street and I've eventually got tired of being the main person to put in the effort. In any case, I've realized that our perceptions of our relationships don't mean much if they are not based on real actions.

One of the areas where I realized that I haven't been putting in the effort to get the results I want is in my relationship with Little Lady. One of my fears about having a daughter was that we would have a strained relationship where she would feel as if she couldn't quite measure up. Sometimes since her brother was born I've been afraid that I am fostering exactly that kind of relationship since so often the focus has been on him and his sickness, achievements, etc. I know what it's like being the big sister who can't quite compete with the cute little miracle brother and I don't want her to feel the same. Although I realize it's not reality, I want a Gilmore Girls esq relationship with my Little Lady...or at least as close as reality will let me come. So lately I've decided to do something about it. Here and there I've been finding ways to connect with her as a friend and not just a mom. Looking online for dresses (she's a shopper), watching wedding movies (she's all about brides lately), etc.

Last night we had our first spontaneous sleepover and it was SO worth it! We hauled out the double bed mattress from the spare bedroom and set it up on her floor with lots of special blankets and pillows. We rented a girly movie and ate a ton of junk food. We painted our nails shades of pink with tons of sparkle. We giggled and chatted and every minute was so special. Even as she fell asleep she kept randomly giving me kisses and saying "I love you" or "You're so special". I will treasure these moments forever and hope that they are working to make the relationship I want a reality.

Oh and I almost forgot! About a week ago Little Lady made up a song all on her own...with a tune and lines that actually made sense! Her song : "Jesus is the yarn that holds it all together. Jesus holds me all together. Jesus holds me all together." A budding little song writer!

Lancelot's Surgery

2010-07-22T08:42:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was Lancelot's ear surgery. I hate hospitals and I was so worried about the surgery but we all managed fairly well! If you remember this you'll know how much hospitals break my heart and how one of my biggest fears for the surgery was having to not let Lancelot eat again. Our experiences with him having to be NPO at birth were so traumatic that I just couldn't imagine going through that again. Thankfully though this time was much different. Lancelot actually did really well with not eating. In the morning he was a little upset at breakfast but we distracted him by taking turns playing toys in the kids bedrooms while we got ready to go. He slept all the way to the hospital and then we managed to keep him distracted enough with balls we had brought along until his surgery that the only time he got a bit irritated again was when he accidentally saw the bottle we had brought along for after.

Even I held up okay! There were a few moments when I almost lost it and ok, a few moments when the tears did fall, but I held it together and managed to not completely break down. So yay me! When we first got to the hospital I was REALLY panicky that I wouldn't be able to do it. The hospital smelled like hospital...a total trigger for my PTSD....and we had to walk through a lot of the areas where we were when Lancelot was born. Then when we checked in there was this mom there who was probably no more than 3-5 years older than me who had three little kids with her...and the youngest, a 3-4 year old girl...was clearly there for cancer treatment. And looking at that mom all by herself with three kids in a hospital obviously trying to navigate a nightmare yet still looking totally calm and put together....that was just about to much for me. I wanted to turn and run and deny all reality. It made me wonder if there will ever be a time when our kids are healthy and we can stop focusing on that and seeing that around us all the time and have a normal life with different problems besides health. Will that day ever come?

The other two things that almost made me lose it were this ten year old boy who was having surgery at the same time as Lancelot but for something else and was trying SO hard to be brave that he just broke my heart, and watching Lancelot go into surgery.

Going IN to surgery was actually no big deal for Lancelot. They had all these different types of cars for the kids to play with in the pre-op waiting room and he was so excited by them that he was totally distracted. The nurse that came to take him to surgery let him drive this one little car while she pushed it and he was having so much fun he wouldn't even let us kiss him! He drove through the O.R. doors and didn't even look back!

However coming out of surgery was a little traumatic. They had promised us that the moment he started to wake up they'd come get us but apparently he came out of the O.R. awake already and they still took 20 minutes to come get us!!!! So needless to say he was a bit traumatized. That was honestly probably the worst thing for him. For the rest of the day if one of us left his sight he would start crying as if we weren't coming back. Even in the car on the way home when Prince Charming got out to fill up gas he totally broke down. That is EXTREMELY unusual for him because he's a pretty independent kid and while he might occasionally cry if I leave he pretty much NEVER cries when Prince Charming does...especially if we're just in the car filling up. So we could tell that the experience had made him a bit insecure.

But overall he did well. By the time we were in the main recovery room he was laughing and trying to run around already! And last night when we came home he even ate some supper and was back to his usual goofy self trying to make us laugh by putting food on his head! Plus he was so excited to see his sister again that the two of them got totally hyper and chased each other all over the house. I had to put an end to it since I didn't really think Lancelot was up to being so boisterous...even though he thought he was....but it was good to see my kids so happy together!

Despite the good result I still struggled with the day and with knowing we will have to be back there in a couple months for his other surgery. I am actually debating cancelling it...so we'll see. Please continue to pray for us in this regard and thank you to everyone who prayed for us yesterday!

Work in Progress

2010-06-26T20:44:00.001-05:00

Well I found a template that kind of works but it's still not what I want. So bare with me as I try to figure this out.

Help!

2010-06-22T21:07:00.001-05:00

Blogger changed and I lost my beautiful blog layout...and I don't know how to make a new one! Somebody please help me! I hate this one!

Lancelot's Ball Themed Birthday Bash

2010-06-04T19:08:00.007-05:00

I haven't uploaded photos onto here for awhile so I can't quite remember how to do it properly. So forgive me for these being a little out of order and the captions are strange, etc. Below are some balloons, His birthday hat that had his name and a big polka dotted number one sewed on (it came with a matching T-shirt from Etsy and it was SOOO cute), and the goody bags for the kids who attended. Each kid got a nerf ball!
One of the bouquets of balloons. Each bouquet had a foil balloon in a different color with a bunch of multi-colored 1st birthday balloons. The decorations on the wall were made by Little Lady and I. We cut them out of construction paper.
The main ball cake and Lancelot's personal ball cake. Both were made from a vanilla almond pound cake and were filled with blueberries, whip cream, and vanilla pudding. I dirty iced them with a butter cream icing and then did the rest with marshmallow fondant.The three cakes. The other cake was an extra cake since I didn't think the ball would be enough for all the guests. The extra cake was called Butter Rich Cinnamon Coffee Cake and was iced the same way as the other two.

A shot of the food table. The hanging balls were made by Little Lady and I as well. We took Styrofoam balls and covered them in multi-colored tissue paper then attached ribbon.Here is another shot of the food table. All the food was round or balled. We had balled melons, round crackers, cheese cut in round slices to match the crackers, round chocolate chip cookies, round oreo cookies, round jello jigglers, tostitos rounds, other round chips, cucumber slices, m & m's, blueberries, round burger patties with round burger buns, round tomato slices, round onion slices, round cheese cut outs to match the burgers, round fries, etc. Some more shots of the main ball cake from both sides. I did one side as a little smiling monster!The next picture is Lancelot climbing out of his ball pit into his bouncy castle. The inflatable ball pit/bouncy castle was a gift from my parents for his birthday and has been a HUGE hit around here! Both kids spend at least an hour in it every day and all the kids at the birthday party thought it was amazing! By the way...remember that baby who had everyone freaked out because he wouldn't grow? Well this picture of him on his FIRST birthday...know what size of clothes he's wearing in it? 2T!

ONE

2010-05-27T22:08:00.002-05:00

Lancelot is ONE! This picture was taken this morning when he first woke up. For the last few days when you ask him how old he is this is what he does. Then he laughs and claps. :o) So happy to be where we are today rather than where we were a year ago!!! Feeling extremely grateful.

Lancelot had a fabulous day and enjoyed all the ball decorations I have already set up for his party Saturday. Every time somebody walked into the room today he made sure to point them out with an excited "Baw! Baw!" and he could hardly go down for his nap because he was so excited about the "baws". It was the first thing he said when he opened his eyes from his nap, "Baw?" to make sure they were still there.

He also chose today to take his first couple steps!! He only did it once, I think because he wasn't paying attention so he just took off, and then his sister pulled him down. Little Lady was about at the same spot on her first birthday and by the following weekend was walking pretty well so we'll see how he does in the next few days.

We had a great family party with my parents and Lancelot happily destroyed his little cake I made for the occasion (very different from Little Lady who was completely a lady, surprise surprise, and ate her first birthday cake with a fork!). I couldn't believe he even ate cake because I had made his favorite supper of chicken fettuccine alfredo and he had eaten like a horse! Actually he didn't so much eat the cake as lick all the icing and then destroy the cake looking for all the blueberries which he was THRILLED to discover look like "baws!" when mommy doesn't cut them up or mash them!

After cake he was very excited to open his presnts...well Little Lady was very excited to open his presents FOR him and he was very excited to play with them. We finally have some "boy" toys in the house and he was totally enthralled with his tool set and trucks and went right to work "fixing" them. I thought it was pretty cute that just by watching daddy do it a few times on our car he had already picked up that concept! My parents bought him an inflatable bouncy castle with an inflatable ball pit attached and after a few minutes of warming up to it...which probably took longer due to the EXTREMELY excited three year old who couldn't stop bouncing... he was super hyper and throwing himself head first down the slide or doing belly flops into the ball pit! Definitely an entertaining toy and should be a blast for the party Saturday!

Happy Birthday baby boy! I am a very blessed mama to have you in my home and be able to hold you in my arms! I love you so much!

A Year

2010-05-26T10:33:00.003-05:00

A year ago today I was tired....actually exhausted is more accurate. I was uncomfortable, grouchy, and basically at the very end of my rope as far as the whole pregnancy thing was concerned. All I could think about was how the hormones were a wild hurricane inside me and SOMEBODY GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME ALREADY! I'm not joking when I say we had been trying just about every trick in the book to get the labor train rolling and Prince Charming was far from charmed by my advances at that point. My doctor had been assuring me for WEEKS that I was already partially dilated and my water was bulging and on the very verge of breaking...her exact words were "If my finger nail was a LITTLE sharper you'd be in labor already." I was seriously considering filing my fingernails to a point. Little Lady's arrival was much the same and so I suppose I should have expected it....and really I had little to complain about considering I didn't even reach my due date either time. But after nine months of every conceivable pregnancy symptom from nausea to immobilizing pain, after bed rest and medications and stress and worry and test after test....well you're just ready for it to be over.

I think the worst thing is actually how babies mess with your head. For MONTHS in both pregnancy's I would have contractions. Even really regular ones that lasted for hours at a time so I was never really sure if THIS time was THE time or not. The only way for me to know for sure was when my water broke both times....and even then my daughter took ANOTHER TWENTY-TWO excruciating hours to arrive. Stubborn from the very beginning.

Lancelot on the other hand...when he decided he was finally going to make his entrance he did it with a bang. Just as he approaches most of life. "I'll decide when I'm ready but trust me you're not going to miss MY entrance!"

Anyway, my point in this post is that a year ago today I couldn't fathom being here. And in that first week of his life I often wondered if we would ever get here. To Lancelot's first birthday. Tomorrow my baby turns one. I can't tell you how monumental that feels to me. There have been so many times I thought I wouldn't get to see this day in my little boys life. But he is here and he is a bundle of energy with a bright smile and bubbly personality and I WILL get to celebrate this milestone with him. Just reflecting on everything in the last year, and the fact that, despite still being exhausted and definitely worn from the journey, we are HERE....makes me feel so blessed. I remember overhearing another mom in the NICU have a conversation with a nurse about how she didn't think she'd be able to get over her sons start in life in time to go back to work at a year. The nurse said that in a year she'd be so busy with an active, healthy boy that this would just be a memory, a small bump on the road. I wouldn't quite go that far yet...probably because for us things haven't totally settled down yet, but in a lot of ways she was right.

Happy almost Birthday Lancelot! Can't wait to celebrate with you!

Check back in a couple of days for party pictures!

To Circumscise or Not to Circumscise...apparently that is the question

2010-05-20T15:46:00.003-05:00

I did not mean for this to become a debate on medical issues but apparently it has and so I wanted to clarify a few things.

First of all, Thank you Tara for your kind comment and insight. Yes those comments from people who have no idea what they are talking about DO bother me. I think it is incredibly rude for you, the random reader who knows nothing about me except a few words on a page, to make assumptions and judgmental statements. I am most frustrated by the comments of those who try to dispense medical advice when they are a)not medical professionals as far as I can tell b) have no idea about my families medical history c) are female and therefore don't even have personal experience! and d) are, as far as I can tell, not mothers so they don't even have any clue what it is like to be a parent or have had a similar experience with their child. If you fall under any of those categories and still want to leave your two cents...don't bother. From now on I'll be deleting all those types of comments. And if that bothers you then find another blog to read. This ones not for you.

If however you are a friend, even a friend I haven't met, and just want to KINDLY share our support you are more than welcome to. You are also welcome to leave comments about personal experiences. I'm not against hearing other peoples stories, and maybe even learning from them, but I AM against other people assuming that their stories automatically apply to me or my family. Just because something was the right decision for you or a family member does not necessarily mean it is right for us or my son. Please do not imply that it is.

Now that that's off my chest, here are a few things to clarify.
1. If nothing appears on Lancelots test they will consider doing a circumcision to stop the SYMPTOMS of a UTI. If nothing shows up on the tests then they are fairly sure that it is not UTI's he's been having but rather localized infections due to the nature of his anatomy. Because of the nature of his anatomy they have never been able to get a truly sterile urine sample from him which means that the infection may not be coming from inside but rather outside. So in answer to all those comments about circumcision not stopping a UTI...yes I am aware of that. Obviously. Please do not assume I am an idiot and that you know more than an entire team of medical professionals.
2. I am aware of the risks of surgery both for ear tubes and circumcision. See above statement. Surgeries carry risks. I know it well...I've had many surgeries myself and Lancelot has had one at only a week old. I know the risks. That's why I asked for prayer. But surgery is also helpful. Lancelot wouldn't be alive without the surgery he had at a week. Also, In our circle of family and friends I know of MANY cases where these surgeries were a HUGE benefit for the person who had them. In fact NOT having the surgery would have been seriously detrimental. To share one of many stories I could tell you...and without naming names or specifics to protect this persons privacy...we know of someone who was always a potential candidate for circumcision and never had it because of all the "risks" etc. At 14 he ended up in EMERGENCY SURGERY because his foreskin was literally strangling his penis! Yes, I'm not kidding here. He would actually pass out from an erection because blood supply was so severely cut off. Do you know how embarrassing that is for a teenager? Do you know how painful that is? Are you aware of the extreme ways a condition like that could effect a guy for life? Think about that the next time you decide to get all preachy on someone about a medical issue. Yeah, you may have a point in some circumstances, maybe even most, but you are NOT GOD and unless you are a medical professional familiar with that persons specific case...you really have NO idea. Stop pretending that you do.

If anyone's still out there...

2010-05-18T22:29:00.002-05:00

I have been a terrible blogger. And actually I have a lot to say...I just haven't found the time or words to say it. And truthfully I still don't have them.

But here is two quick thoughts for now and I'll try to post more later.

1. Lancelot is ALMOST walking and he is STRONG! This morning Little Lady was being silly and sitting in the laundry basket. Lancelot crawled over, stood up, then prroceeded to push the laundry basket, with her in it, all over the house. She is almost 4...he is 11 months!!! Then later she was sitting eating a snack at the table and Lancelot comes along and PUSHES THE HEAVY OAK CHAIR and his older sister nonchalantly across the kitchen. While his poor sister screamed "PUT ME BACK!"

2. Lancelot has an ultrasound and a VCUG on June 3rd to determine the cause of his UTI's. We are PRAYING he will only need a circumcision and nothing else. Prayer has saved this little guy several times in his life already. Please pray with us. He will also have surgery in July for ear tubes. I am nervous about another surgery. Please pray. Please pray for HEALTH in our home so that we can catch our breath, and our sleep, and think about other things in life for awhile. Please.

Cope

2010-04-22T17:24:00.003-05:00

It's worse than we thought. The emergency room doctors were wrong. Lancelot DOES have a UTI and he will need to go on antibiotichs again. Plus have a kidney ultrasound and possibly more extensive testing. I am so tired. I don't really know how to cope with yet ANOTHER medical issue.

These are a few of my favorite things....

2010-04-19T11:38:00.003-05:00

This weekend we had yet another trip to emergency and I watched my son get a catheter and blood work. It was miserable...maybe beyond that. However, in the end the problem they thought was potentially very serious ends up being as minor as a probable circumcision. Not fun...but not all that freaky either. Things have been ....frustrating lately...but I have also been reminded recently of a million little wonderful moments and the song by Maria ...."When the dog bites, When the bee stings, When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel sooooo bad!"

So here are a few of my favorite things:

1. Big wet slobbery kisses from Lancelot
2. Holding Little Lady's light little frame...the way it feels like carrying a bird and the way I feel like her shelter when she slips her arms around me and squeezes. Her hugs remind me of the little girl in "The Santa Claus 3"....they warm me to the core.
3. Lancelot chortle little man laugh over ridiculously random things and Little Lady's girly giggle over things that delight her.
4. The way Little Lady still has a little baby accent on certain words. Like "gayell" for "girl" or "bootyfull" for "beautiful". Or her frequent use of words that are way to big for her like "absolutely", "apparently", and "supposedly". I also love her current favorite word when things are gross or a problem..."Nasty!"
5. Little Lady's daily obsession with obtaining a little sister. She even decided to turn my parents dog into one until she could get her own and insisted my mom buy the male dog a pink leash, collar, and bone.
6. Lancelot's Ray Charles and Hulk impressions. They were both things he did one day to be silly but now when we tell him to do them he does it on command! It's awesome! He scrunches up his nose and eyes and gets a big cheesy smile then shakes his head back and forth and clap for Ray Charles. For the Hulk he clenches his fists, clenches his teeth, and makes his whole body shake!
7. Lancelot waving bye bye enthusiastically whenever he hears the word.
8. The way Lancelot flirts with woman everywhere
9. The way Little Lady loves to shop and when I took her to the lady's room at a restaurant the other day she insisted on checking her hair and make-up and then proceeded to pretend to apply mascara, lipstick and blush and spent a good five minutes "primping".
10. Holding hands with my husband when we drive in the car, listening to music, and chatting.
11. Falling asleep next to my husband
12. Beautiful blue sky as far as the eye can see and warm sun shining down.
13. The way Little Lady mothers her brother, reading him stories, bringing him toys, playing with him, protecting him from things he shouldn't have
14. The way Lancelot loves his big sister and calls "NANA" or "ANNIENANA" (his version of her name) whenever she's not around.
15. The way Lancelot loves balls and uses them like a security blanket instead of a bear or blanket.
16. Snuggling Lancelot while he nurses and naps
17. Watching Little Lady drive her tricycle...repeatedly into the ditch while giggling incessantly.
18. The fact that Lancelot knows the theme song to Gilmore Girls because of my obsessive watching of it while he was in the womb and now will even wake from sleep or stop whatever he is doing if he hears it, grin like mad, and dance. Little Lady was the same with the Friends theme song when she was small. It just proves that kids really do hear things while you're pregnant.
19. The smell of my baby's breath and my husbands skin
20. Being with my kids and my husband and knowing that we might not have it all together...but together we have it all.

Take that Nicholas Sparks!

2010-04-12T15:38:00.002-05:00

Remember that oh-so-romantic scene in A Walk To Remember after Jamie has told Landon about her list of things to do before she dies and he, being this handsome high school boy that is not at all unrealistically chivalrous and sweet, is checking off her list? Remember when they go on that drive at night and he takes her to straddle the state line and therefore "be in two places at once"?

I wanted to BE Jamie Sullivan...well except for the dying part. I sighed and swooned as I watched her be swept off her feet by, in my teenage opinion, the OMG SOOOO sexy Landon. I actually had a lot of similarities to her before the movie so once I saw it I thought...well hey that's me....that could happen to ME! My dad was a pastor, I had a things-to-do-before-I-die list, I loved acting, I loved the stars, I wanted a butterfly tattoo, I had a quote book, etc. So I expected that my boyfriend should likewise sweep me off my feet and turn my whole world into a fairytale. I mean...it happened in the movie...that should totally happen in real life.

As it turns out, as much as I wanted to be the romantic, it is hard not to eventually become a realist. High school boys do not, on average, learn to dance, take you to expensive dinners, and find unique and romantic ways to help you achieve all of your life goals.

But it is now, as an adult, that I realize that those goals that seemed so romantic and un-achievable were really silly and small. This struck me last night as I returned from a run and simultaneously unloaded groceries, folded laundry, stretched, ran a kids bath, and cleaned up my living room...all while holding a baby. At the same time my husband was doing dishes, fixing a pre-schooler bed time snack, laying out clothes for the next day, and wiping counters...all the while talking on the phone with a business partner telling them to buy this and sell that and a lot of big business terms I could only explain with the help of a dictionary.

And I thought to myself....Two places at once? Ha. Try ten. Jamie had no idea how juvenile that wish was. I bet most mothers can testify that on average they are in at least 3 places at once. And then I realized something....it may not look like a scene from a sappy romance...but with the help of my husband I am accomplishing my list. The two of us together can be in twenty places at once and our dance might be one of holding hands over the gear shift on the way to the grocery store...but it speaks just as loudly...perhaps even more so...of the love we have then a dance on a balcony at sunset.

Reverse Birth Control

2010-03-30T14:47:00.003-05:00

Recently a child free friend who joined me and the kids at the grocery store during one of Little Lady's more...demanding... days commented that these kids are birth control all on their own. And there are days when boy is she bang on. But today has had the reverse effect of my reproductive longings.

First of all in the last few days I have finally started to see the effects of some really intentional discipline on Little Lady. After feeling exceptionally frustrated with her lately we decided to change our tactics slightly to IMMEDIATE, calm, and related consequences to misbehavior. For example rather than calling her to the table ten million times we call her once and if she doesn't come we call her again and say if she doesn't come right now the toy she is distracted with will be taken away for a day. Then we follow through. All of it is done calmly and quickly. Zero yelling or delaying. It's been REALLY hard sometimes not to snap at her or to carry through when I'd really rather not or to actually discipline her when I almost feel it would be quicker, and take me from what I'm doing less, if I just continued to call. But something had to change for all our sanity so we gave it a try. On top of that we've really been focusing on good behavior and on spending quality time with her.

Anyway, today she has been an angel, listening the first time I tell her to do something and with a smile on her face. But the real boost to my baby desire came when I asked her to clean her room so I could vacuum. It was a pretty big mess from her very imaginative morning and usually she will pick up a few things and I will end up doing the rest. Since she's only three I usually feel pretty content if she just helps out with some of the stuff or does one of the jobs, like put away all her ponies. So I wasn't expecting much but when I walked in the WHOLE room was clean. It was like a miracle! My little cleaning prodigy!

Lancelot also impressed me today by beginning to stand on his own while holding an object and by walking a step or two between furniture. I feel some intense independence coming on. It won't be long until I really won't have a baby anymore.

On top of that Lancelot and her played house ALONE (with me peeking to make sure nobody was passed out or anything) in his room for HALF AN HOUR today! Well, she played house and he cooperatively crawled in and out of doors when she told him to and otherwise played with his toys and ate his feet. But nobody bit, kicked, hit, or cried about the other kid! And Lancelot, a complete mamma's boy, didn't even attempt to crawl away to find me or scream for me to scoop him up and get him back into my sight! I was totally in awe. It really was worth it to have siblings!

Now if only there was a way to skip the sleepless nights, sickness, and stress I think I'd practically be begging for another baby!

Hello Again World

2010-03-26T16:44:00.003-05:00

Today it is a month since I last posted. It's been a LONG month filled with weekly doctors appointments for two sick kids and a sick mommy and a LOT of meltdowns from a teething nine month old and a terrific/terrible three year old who thinks shes a teenager. There have been many moments when I want to pull my hair out, throw my hands up, and walk out ...preferably to the spa. But you know what's struck me? Even in these crappy days when my world feels pretty dismal and I feel pretty stuck as a parent.....I still love these kids to PIECES and I can't get enough of them.
I can't get enough of Lancelot's laugh or Little Lady's incredible imagination. I can't get enough of the hugs and kisses. I can't get enough of their soft, squishy, sweet scented bodies.

And I feel like they're growing up WAY to fast!

Lancelot ...no longer little..is wearing 18-24 month clothes! He started crawling this month and he's into EVERYTHING! It's both exciting and exhausting. He especially loves to crawl to the bathroom, pull himself up on the tub, and play.
He can ALMOST stand on his own and occassionally he thinks he can walk and takes off only to immediately land in a face plant due to lack of balance.
He has decided he DOES NOT like baby food anymore and refuses to eat anything that we are not eating. This makes meal planning pretty interesting at times since I don't want him to have to many spices or sugars yet and since we are keeping him off dairy due to his chronic ear infections.
Little Lady is no longer little anymore either. She has for the first time grown above her age in clothing and is now wearing size 4. She is really into reading lately. She tries to figure out letters and words and spends a lot of her time looking at books. She loves to play outside and do everything by herself...including climbing the ladder on her play structure which totally freaks me out.
The other morning I was nursing Lancelot and she wanted breakfast. I had already poured her cereal but not her milk because I didn't want it getting soggy but since I was in the other room nursing I told her she could eat her cereal dry until I came. Well a moment later I heard the fridge door...."oh man. here comes trouble." I thought. However when I went to check a few minutes later she had nicely poured milk (from our 4 litre jug) into her bowl, eaten all her cereal, then proceeded to pour milk in my cereal bowl and eat all my cereal....all without spilling a drop! Then she had wiped the table after for good measure!
Despite being incredibly mature sometimes she has also been a HUGE handful lately. Her breakdowns make me TERRIFIED of her tean years.

As they grow it makes me sad that these are possibly my last days with "babies". After two extremely difficult pregnancy's and complicated deliveries and then with all the sickness we had to deal with after Lancelot we made the decision not to have any more children biologically. At the same time we are still considering adoption (we were in the process before I surprisingly got pregnant with Little Lady) but we know that getting a "baby" might be difficult. I am excited and nervous about that prospect. Right now I don't know what the future holds for our family but I am enjoying the dream of days ahead.

Down in discouragville

2010-02-26T10:42:00.003-06:00

My kids have alternately or together been sick for three months....THREE MONTHS! I HATE Winter! I hate cold and flu season! I hate that I hate what used to be my favourite season because "oh the snow is soooo romantic and everything looks beautiful" and blah...blah...blah. I was so naive then.
More than any of that I hate the way I feel that my kids are being punished for me trying to be and do something positive. I know it probably sounds ridiculous...but around Christmas I made two decisions....1)to get more involved in our community and to let my name stand to be part time director of our local youth drop in center, and 2) to be more positive about life because I am such a pessimist. Well, it seems like every time I make a move towards being more positive, like saying "The kids seem to be on the upswing" rather than saying "The kids are STILL sick."...they get sicker. Or when I try to do something for the drop in ministry like have a meeting or get together with the teens....the kids get sick. And I feel like they are being punished in order to keep me out of commission. That probably sounds like a crazy paranoid pessimist talking...and maybe it is...but it's how I feel. And it makes me want to scream and cry and rage and be anything but perky and positive.
For example....three times now I have tried to have some local teens over on their lunch break. We live right by the high school and I thought it would be a good opportunity to get to know them and get their ideas on the drop in. Every time, the NIGHT BEFORE, my kids get sicker and we are up all night.
This time I really thought it would happen. I mean we've been sick for THREE MONTHS, we've been at the doctor EVERY WEEK, SURELY this time we'd be healthy. And until the last minute we were. Until Lancelot woke me in the night retching for the first time in his life and his sisters rash which she has had for over a week and has been prescribed lotions for decided to have a wicked flare up and send her into a tailspin monumental breakdown. And so we cancelled....again. And right now I just want to give up.

Gesundheit

2010-02-24T22:27:00.003-06:00

"AH-CHOO!" Lancelot sends splatters of cereal off into space.
Little Lady looks up from her breakfast with surprise....
"Mommy he bless you'd all over me!"

Little Lady looks out the window.
"There's a bus!"
At the word bus Lancelot explodes with laughter
"Bus" His sister says again.
Lancelot begins giggling so hard he can hardly sit still
"Bus" Big sister repeats
His sides are splitting, his eyes are tearing, he can't catch his breath.
This continues for ten minutes.
Apparently Little Lady is an up and coming comedian. It was lost on me but the laughter was contagious!

"layme down prayers" and the magical world of Little Lady and Lancelot

2010-02-23T20:47:00.006-06:00

I have often wondered at the wisdom my children acquire. Where do their sweet little brains go to soak up this information? Since I am a stay at home mom and my children rarely go anywhere at all without me I would LIKE to think it is all because of my superb parenting. But I doubt it. I am not a mom who uses Montessori methods in her home (at least not on purpose), I RARELY sit down and teach my kids ANYTHING. We hang out, we play, they watch me clean or come along on errands...but I don't purposefully teach anything. Of course Little Lady asks questions from time to time and I answer and sure, I try to throw in learning with the day. But it's totally casual and generally ignored like,
"Mommy I want an orange please."
"Sure. Did you know orange starts with the letter O?"
"Yup" She yells over her shoulder as she runs away.
That is the extent of my teaching. And yet somehow they still learn.

For example, this morning Little Lady is drawing at the table while I make her brothers breakfast.
"Mommy is this an E?" She asks
I walk over to her paper and sure enough she's got a bunch of E's. She has never written an E before. This is similar to the first letter she learned at about 2 and a half....one day she just wrote an H and knew what it was. She can now write several letters without any prompting at all and I didn't send her to some expensive pre-school or even a plain nursery "school" for her to learn it. I don't even home school.

She can also spell. One day while reading her Strawberry Shortcake book she asked how to spell "angel" then "cake". She can now spell both as well as the word moon and her name. Then my husband decided to put batteries in our old Word Whammer which has been laying around since Little Lady's second Christmas and has never been used. The first two words it asked her to spell were Web and Rim....she spelled them both.

And it's not just academic learning. We go to church and we pray with the kids and we have spiritual conversations between Prince Charming and I but we rarely even read bible stories to the kids. However somehow Little Lady has developed this angelic heart for the hurting and for God without a lot of prompting. After a conversation recently about how some kids don't have a mommy or daddy she has prayed daily for the "babies and kids that need us." She asks God to help us find them and today she told Prince Charming, "I'm asking God to lay the babies that need us on your heart." Apparently this kid must pick up on EVERYTHING!
She has also really been into singing to God lately. This I believe I can attribute to Sunday School though. She will make up ten minute long songs about "Pleasing the Lord, God wants you to please the Lord. Be a Trischan. Say Layme Down prayers. da da da da. Please the Lord." Tonight she took an appliance manual and sang this song "from the book" in front of the mirror for 15 minutes....naked. :o) So cute. But we don't even sing from books in our church....again...no idea.

Lancelot also seems to learn without any direct teaching. One day he just started to wave. We hadn't really worked on it...he just did it. And yesterday he started playing catch! We didn't show him. He just did it. He's 8 months old and he will "catch" the ball and throw it back! And trust me we are NOT a sporty family. This was definitely not taught!

Seriously these kids amaze me. They are beautiful and snuggly and smiley and smart and I have no clue how they got that way but I sure feel blessed that they are!

Now if only when I actually TRIED to teach them something they would do it! Like getting Little Lady to clean up her room!

Genetic Lottery.....or not

2010-02-16T22:24:00.003-06:00

Long legs, major muscles, hair that turns heads, these are the things you WANT to get given to you through your genetic code. My kids, however, got the short end of the stick.

We went to the doctor again today...if we were American our doctor would be filthy rich, rolling in money by now. It seems we are there at least once a month. The whole office knows us by name...they even get out the special Dora stickers for Little Lady because they already know that's what she'll want. Lancelot is so used to going there he flirts shamelessly with both the receptionist AND the doctor. I say he should go for the doctor, I wouldn't mind that for a daughter in law. Of course....Lancelot flirts with EVERYONE female. I cannot take him to a restaurant or even the hospital without all the nurses gushing over him and then of course saying he can't be sick because LOOK HOW ADORABLE AND SMILEY HE IS! Right.

Anyhow, Little Lady has had a cough for three weeks straight that has not improved one iota and was starting to have me freaked out because OMG WHAT IF SHE HAS CANCER/PNEUMONIA/PULMONARY FAILURE SOMETHING OR OTHER TERRIBLE DISEASE....because yes I am that paranoid. So we traipsed off to the doctor AGAIN and sure enough it turns out that that little cold she had triggered asthma which she so luckily inherited from me. Sorry kiddo....you did not get mommy's long fingers or big brown eyes which have more than once been refered to as "Model eyes" or "Bedroom eyes" (hmm...maybe I DON'T want my daughter walking around with those eyes!)...you got her asthma. Lucky you. So every time she has a cold or allergies she's at risk for it triggering her asthma. The upside is that a) it seems to, like mine, only be triggered by colds or allergies which means she should at least not be on inhalers very regularly and b) Since I have pretty much had every inhaler/asthma medication in the book I at least understand how to operate all these weird inhaler contraptions.

Then just because I am that paranoid I asked the pediatrician if she could please check Lancelot's ears as well since he seems to be pulling on them lately and since every time he has a cold he seems to have had an ear infection and he's had a NASTY runny nose for over a week. Our pediatrician is the most amazing woman ever and even though she knows I am overly paranoid because of Lancelot's start in life she always obliges me and gives the kids a head to tow IS EVERYTHING WORKING RIGHT? ARE YOU SURE? REALLY SURE? I MEAN REALLY BECAUSE I AM SURE I HEARD HIM SNIFFLE ONCE LAST WEEK AND THIS COULD BE THE END OF THE WORLD examination just to calm my crazy nerves. So she turns to me and says, "Well it's a good thing you asked me to check because you were right. He's got an ear infection." Again. He just got off antibiotics for one two weeks ago. It turns out that this is Lancelot's lucky lottery win....his dad's ear canals. Prince Charming has strange shaped ear canals that he apparently passed on and until he had his tonsils out around grade 3 also had constant ear infections since his ears wouldn't drain properly. Of course...Lancelot also looks EXACTLY LIKE HIS DAD.... except with my dad's build and height (solid and tall). So he kinda did win the lottery there.

So we are on a new round of all sorts of interesting medications around here again. Hopefully this time things clear up quickly and for GOOD. Or at least for many MANY months and we can give our poor pediatrician a break. Then again, she IS Canadian...so she's probably poor anyway.

That's Amore

2010-02-12T15:40:00.003-06:00

A Momdrum survey on me and my man in honour of Valentine's Day

BASICS

Who is your man? Prince Charming
How long have you been together? It's been 7 years and 3 months since we met, 7 years and a couple weeks since we started dating, and 6 years this Sunday since our wedding.
Dating/Engaged/Married? Married - February 14/2004
How old is your man? He is turning 29 at the end of this month!

YOU OR YOUR MAN?

Who eats more? Generally him...unless we are snacking. I do a lot more snacking.
Who said "I love you" first? He did although I wanted to and was just waiting for him to...and when he finally said it he kinda just snuck it in all casual too. I wrote it awhile before that on a foggy windshield though.
Who weighs more? He does. But only by about 20 pounds
Who sings better? He does
Who's Older? He is by almost 4 years
Who's smarter?depends in what. He is a lot better in math and those logistical, statistical type things but I beat him by far in anything literary and most things that require emotional/psychological thinking.
Who's temper is worse? His. I get mad more often probably but mine is quick and generally doesn't show much.
Who does the laundry? Me. Every now and then he throws in a load if I ask.
Who does the dishes? Nobody. We have a dishwasher but IF we do wash them by hand he is more likely to do it.
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? This question is tricky to me. Does this mean when you look at it or when you lay in it? When you lay in it I'm on the right side.
Who's feet are bigger? His
Who's hair is longer? Mine
Who's better with the computer? Definitely him
Who mows the lawn? He does. I would but a)not possible with the kids around and b)I'm allergic to grass.
Who pays the bills? He does
Who cooks dinner? Me. Unless I'm sick or busy with the baby then occasionally he'll do it if I tell him what to make and EXACTLY how to make it.
Who makes more money? He does by a LONG shot.
Who drives when you are together? He does.
Who pays when you go out to dinner? Well we share bank accounts but he usually does the actual paying.
Who's the most stubborn? We're both stubborn in different ways but definitely him.
Who is the first one to admit when they're wrong? Probably me.
Who's parents do you see more? Mine
Who named your dog? We don't have a dog but if we did I'd probably pick the name. He'd have to agree on it but I'd pick it. That's how it worked with the kids anyway.
Who kissed who first? He kissed me
Who asked who out? He asked me out
Who's more sensitive? Me by FAR. But for a guy he is actually really sensitive.
Who's taller? He is by 1/4 inch.
Who has more friends? weird question. I have more people I hang out with on my own but most of the people we spend time with are both our friends.
Who has more siblings? He has one more than me.

Momdrum Makeover

2010-02-10T22:43:00.002-06:00

I`ve been wanting to give the momdrums a makeover for awhile. The pictures are almost 3 years old and don`t contain Lancelot. Plus I am tired of the dark colours and would like to brighten up this blog a bit. The problem is that I don`t know how to do it and can`t afford to pay anyone to do it. Any volunteers or instructions would be great!

Miss Manners

2010-02-08T21:18:00.002-06:00

We are eating dinner at a friends house and Little Lady is valiantly trying to be on her best behavior. It's not easy. It is late and she is overtired, i.e. in an especially destructive and hyper state. As we sit down to dessert we remind her that we don't eat until the hostess eats. Patiently she eyes her cake in expectation. As the hostess begins to take her first bite Little Lady looks at me and asks, "Now mommy?" I tell her she may begin and then turn my attention to adult conversation. After a number of minutes I suddenly notice she seems a little frantic and worried.
"Are you alright?" I ask
"I think I need a little bit of help." She says shyly. "I'm having some trouble eating every time they eat."
She had misunderstood our initial instruction and had been busily trying to take a bite every time our hosts did!

Luck be a Lady

2010-02-08T15:02:00.004-06:00

Annoying Mom Alert: I know it's annoying to hear another mother brag about her kids but I am bubbling over and have to write. So if you don't want to hate me later please be forewarned and avoid reading ahead.

When I was pregnant with Little Lady I worried about whether we would get along. I worried that if she was a girl we would be opposites and I wouldn't know how to relate. I figured I'd get a really sporty tom boy...that would be just my luck. However, in my journal I often refered to the baby I was bearing as "my little sunbeam". It was a very accurate description of my future daughter. Little Lady is the most delightful ray of girly sunshine you will ever meet. Not only that but luck was on my side and gave me the most amazing Little Lady. She is smart, creative, caring, and the world's best shopper. She LOVES to shop with me. When we arrive home she is just as excited about putting it all away as she was about purchasing it. She'll try on every piece of clothing for an impromptu fashion show. Twirling on her tip-toes she will admire each article, her confidence glowing from her bright green eyes. The crowds and crazy mall atmosphere doesn't phase her a bit and never has. Right from her first shopping experience at 6 days old she has enjoyed the mall. For her even getting to go to the grocery store is an exciting event. Her girlish ways don't end there. Shoes are like candy and she extremely sensitive to the needs of others, always the nurturing mother. Recently we were looking at pictures of the destruction in Haiti and she asked about the kids. After I explained that some children are orphans and don't have families she quickly decided that they should then come live with us. Now she prays daily for "the babies that need us". When other moms tell me how their daughters throw tantrums if they want them to try on new clothes or I see a kid who doesn't care about anything outside their own world I can't help but think of Lorelie Gilmore standing in the doorway of her daughters room saying quietly to herself, "I got the good kid!"

In every way this girl, as much of a handful as she is, is more than I ever dreamed of in a daughter. It feels like my best friend was born 21 years late! I am a very lucky lady.

Going To The Chapel

2010-02-04T21:21:00.003-06:00

Our Sixth Anniversary is coming up so in honour of that event I'm doing a little momdrum wedding run down.

1. What month & year were you married?February 2004

2. How did he ask you? Most of our significant moments happened in the snow. The first day we "met", the day we told each other we were interested, the day we started dating, our first kiss, etc. When he asked me to marry him it was a warm day in the beginning of July so there was obviously no snow. We were spending the summer apart as we were expecting we would be getting engaged within the next year or so and he wanted to spend one last summer at home which was in another province in order to save money. Every few weeks one of us would fly to visit the other. We had just spent about seven weeks apart when he flew out to visit me for a week. That Wednesday we decided to spend the day in the city. Since he had not been around or spent more than ten minutes alone with my parents (we are fairly traditional so there was no way he was asking me to marry him without my parent permission) I had no suspicions that he was about to ask. To make sure I really wasn't expecting it we visited friends and let me over hear him tell one of them it would be awhile before we got engaged then took me ring shopping (with the ring in his pocket?) At one point we ran into an x of mine and then just to make sure I REALLY wasn't suspecting anything he started asking me all these questions like "Are you sure you're ready to get married?" "What about your x?" Which completely backfired because I began bawling thinking that he really didn't want to marry me and we were totally not communicating, etc. This threw him off so instead of taking me for ice cream at our favorite place where he was going to propose to me out on a bridge at sunset he took me to this private little park because...as I was bawling...I didn't want to be in public and was NOT in the mood for ice cream. We walked to the top of this little hill and the whole park was golden in the sunset and he stood behind me and suddenly said "close your eyes". So I did and when I opened them the air was full of swirling fluffy flakes! He had made it snow with white confetti and as the snow swirled he said a poem he had written for me about why he wanted to marry me. On the last two lines he turned me around to face him and he was on his knee with the ring!

3. Where did you honeymoon? We spent the first 4 nights in honeymoon suites in the city where we got married and then spent a week in the Dominican Republic at Secrets Excellence Punta Cana. It was AMAZING! We were so glad we had a few days just to relax first since I ended up getting sick and we were pretty tired from a big wedding. Since we knew the city well we didn't feel we needed to go out so we just relaxed and then in the Dominican we stayed at a very secluded, all-inclusive, couples only resort so it was the perfect honeymoon location!

4. Can you still fit in your dress? I haven't tried it on but I would say no. :o( After I had my first yes but not yet after Lancelot.

5. What was the worst gift you got? What looked like used tacky glass candy dish type things and a cassette tape of some terrible singer who was the son of the lady who gave it to us. That was actually a shower gift. They were friends of my in-laws so we didn't even know them and they weren't invited to the wedding but my mother-in-law invited them to the shower she threw.

6. What flavor was your wedding cake? We had a giant 5 tier wedding cake and every tier was a different flavour with different flavoured fillings. I don't even remember them all.

7. Were you a bridezilla? Not on the rehearsal or wedding day but in the planning stages yeah I probably was a bit. I know there were a few fights.

8. Whats one thing you would change about your wedding? At the time our wedding was everything I ever dreamed it would be and I had a really magical day. It was perfect for where I was at then. Except for one thing....my best friend wasn't there and I really regret that. Otherwise there is things I would change now but mostly they are small things or things that I would change just because times or I have changed. At the time it was perfect.

9. Do you still look at your wedding pics? Fairly often. I have an album out on our coffee table and a big framed picture in our hall. Plus about once a year, usually at our anniversary, we watch our wedding video.

10. What colors did you use? Sort of a light pink colour, white, and sparkly/iridescent gold/silver. We had kind of a winter fairyland theme.

11. Where did you tie the knot? at a big brick church in the city close to where we live with the reception in the ballroom of this huge historic hotel that looks like a castle.

12. Whats one funny thing that happened that day? My brother gave a pretty funny speech. Oh and on the way to the church in the limo I had forgotten to bring my cd of "going to the chapel" which I had wanted to play so we turned on the radio and all we could find was the song "Everybody hurts" and I was so excited and happy I belted that out anyway. To this day "Everybody hurts" still seems like the happiest song to me! It wasn't really a "funny" day though. I mean I smiled so much my cheeks actually ACHED and I remember saying I couldn't even frown if I tried but it wasn't ha ha funny. It was happy and romantic.

13. How many showers did you have? One thrown by my mom, one by my mother-in-law, and a lingerie one thrown by my cousin and college friends.

14. Did you cry?Yes. Just a few happy tears during the vows. And then a little right before the reception. The only low point that day. We got to the ballroom and they had forgot to put chair covers and sashes on the chairs for some stupid reason ...no idea why since this was a high class hotel and they definitely shouldn't have made a mistake like that....and I was hungry and their mistake set us back almost an hour on the reception.

15. Did you give any wedding favors away? Everyone received a glittering white snowflake shaped tea light candle with a signed thank you note.

16. Who caught the flowers and garter? We didn't throw the garter but I did have a special tossing bouquet that was made up to split into five mini bouquets when I tossed it. I don't remember who those five where though.

17. Who was your officiant or minister? My dad. Prince Charming's former youth pastor did the introduction part where my dad walked me in and my dad did the rest.

18. How much was your wedding dress, undergarments and all? Not much compared to many. And it was a lot less than the original dress I almost chose. I think in total it might have been around $1,500?

19. Was there dancing? Yes! We even took classes so we could waltz for our first dance and do some jive and stuff.

20. Where was the reception? See above

21. Would go back and do it over again? In a heartbeat

22. How long did you have to plan your wedding? 7 and a half months

23. What kind of car were you in when you drove away? Well we didn't drive away until a few days later but when we did it was in our 2001 red Grand Am SE.

24. How many in your wedding party? 4 girls, 4 guys, 2 flower girls and 1 ring bearer

25. What type of flowers did you have?Cream coloured roses and cream coloured with a blush of pink ( the first flowers Prince Charming ever gave me), light pink roses, a pretty pink filler flower that's really flow-y...I forget it's name....Mostly lots and lots of roses!

26. Did you do anything different in your wedding or reception? We had foot washing in our ceremony as a symbol of serving each other. We also had communion in our ceremony as a symbol of following Christ together. Our ring bearer carried our rings inside a silver rose instead of on a ring pillow. Both our parents gave a blessing rather than just my dad giving me away. We had a coffee bar at our reception instead of an alcohol bar. My tossing bouquet split into five. Instead of having an open mike or a long program our videographer went around with one of my bridesmaids during the dance and did interviews and taped peoples stories, best wishes, etc. We had a video of each of us growing up set to music and then one of our relationship play during the reception.

27. Did you save the top layer of your cake for your 1 year anniversary?Yes but we never tried it. In fact it sat in our freezer until about a month ago!

28. If so, did you eat it? Was it still good? Nope

29. What was the grand total spent on your wedding? I didn't pay for it so I'm not sure but I think it was around $16,000.

30. Who traveled the farthest to attend your wedding? We had people from the states so they probably traveled the farthest.

31. Do you regret having anyone in your bridal party? Well...yeah I think I would have a pretty different bridal party if I did it again. I definitely regret not having my best friend in my wedding party.

32. If you had a first dance what was it? Moon River

33. What did your wedding cake look like? It was five tiers of white fondant with glittering snowflakes all over it

34. What was your cake topper? A pile of glittering snowflakes

35. What was your favorite moment? There were so many! I think if I had to pick just one it would be the moment we left the ceremony. There was this amazing magical feeling of happiness and this punk version of "fools rush in" playing and Prince Charming picked me up and spun me around and kissed me. Both our photographer and videographer captured it perfectly. In the photo everything around us is a blur and we are crystal clear, mid kiss/mid spin, with my dress perfectly flowing out behind me. In the video the videographer used an effect where we kind of glow. It was very special.

Say my name Say my name

2010-02-01T10:49:00.002-06:00

Awhile ago in conversations with several blog buddies it was brought to my attention that everyone on my blog has a nick name...except me. My husband is "Prince Charming", my daughter is "Little Lady" and my son is "Lancelot" but I am simply their mom. However I seem to be unable to come up with a suitable moniker. Any suggestions?

Also, it's "Doppleganger" week and in looking for a picture to post I couln't seem to decide who I looked the most like. I have one friend from college who looks a lot like me and celebrity wise the people I have most often been compared to are Jennifer Love Hewitt and Neve Campbell. But I'm not sure. Any ideas?

My heart is bubbling over with Joy Joy Joy

2010-01-30T20:40:00.003-06:00

I know I am one of the luckiest woman alive. I have a good husband, a nice home, and two beautiful, healthy, kids. But I have a confession to make. There are days when I envy my single friends. My mind wanders to where I'd be if I hadn't gotten married at 19, if I hadn't had a kid at 21. Jealousy leaves my nerves jangled and my emotions a mess. What would it be like to have been able to pursue my own career, continue my education, experience my 20's the way the rest of the world does, take time to travel? What if instead of running a home so that my husband could have his dreams I was developing my own? Not that having a husband and kids hasn't been part of my dreams. It's just that I sometimes see everyone else my age pursuing their passions, going out whenever they want, working in exciting careers, and I want to be one of them.

But then, just before the blues really bring me down my kids shower me in brilliant sunlight. Lancelot brings his pudgy little hands together with a glee filled grin and claps with great gusto. "Joy Joy Joy" sings his sweet sister and he cheerily claps along with her song, a new trick he has just discovered. Little Lady smiles and after smothering us in kisses asks if I am ready for our mommy daughter date. She is so delighted about the prospects of our day it is the same question she has asked me from the moment she first woke up. See their joy? Watch how they want to be with me even when I am day dreaming of another life. I bask in their love. I am lucky. I am blessed.

My heart is bubbling over with Joy, Joy, Joy.

Gums and Gore

2010-01-29T20:13:00.003-06:00

Oh Teeth. When once I wrote this letter I thought that I had seen the worst of your arrivals. As it turns out I was blissfully naive. Sure, I had seen the sickness you bestow on poor, sweet, innocent babies as you fight your way to the surface. Yes, I had experienced the tears and sleepless nights that often accompany teething. Oh, you had showed your brutal attack of my baby's appetite and left your mark on my breast. But I had not seen the real brutal side you sometimes show in the beginning. At least you saved that for my boy. He at least is a brave warrior. However I am faint of heart and quickly sick of stomach at the sight of the battlefield you have drawn on my sons tender gums. Do you really feel the need to create dangling strips of skin? Must I really watch those fleshy pieces flap around, pushed back and forth by your tricky partner the tongue? And the blood...oh the blood. Does there really need to be blood as you brutally break the surface? I see you there, skillfully slipping in and out of view, can you not just make your arrival final and declare victory?

Don't get me wrong. I still appreciate the help we acquire when making our forays into solid food. Carrots would be lousy without your help to make them crunch. I acknowledge that life without you would be a sloppy, drooling drag and that our smiles are extremely incomplete without your presence.

But really....must you gore my sons gums and turn their surfaces to swollen, bloody mountains? Must you REALLY wage a war?

This is the house that Jack built

2010-01-28T14:39:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine had this on her blog and I thought it looked fun. Just a bit of insight into our life here in the momdrums.

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now? A pink sparkly bar that smells like strawberries and belongs to Little Lady, a purple and white perfumed cube with a violet on top that again belongs to her, leftover bits of a lavender bar (mine), and a bar of Ivory (Prince Charming's). There is also an assortment of baby shampoos and body washes and a bottle of adult shampoo and conditioner.

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? We are not exactly experiencing watermelon weather.

3. What would you change about your living room? The furniture in an instant. There is not a night that goes by that I don't mutter a murderous "I hate this couch!" as I settle in to nurse Lancelot to sleep. We bought it in our first month of marriage with some leftover wedding gift money because it was a major bargain. We figured it would be better than some beat up garage sale garbage and in a year or two we'd have enough to buy the living room furniture we really wanted. However there has always been something else that required that extra money and so I'm still stuck with this sagging thing!

4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? Clean. I really need to re-load it actually

5. What is in your fridge? milk, eggs, butter, cheese, yogurt, an assortment of veggies, fruit, and condiments, leftover stew, and leftover Mexican Lasagna.

6. White or wheat bread? Usually rye in our house because that's what Prince charming prefers and our local bakery makes the BEST rye. But every once in awhile I buy myself a loaf of whole grain multi-grain stuff.

7. What is on top of your refrigerator? nothing. Well there are some cabinets above the fridge and some baking pans in those but nothing actually touching the fridge.

8. What color or design is on your shower curtain? Double layer chocolate brown with a intricate embroidered design in shades of bronze, blue, and gold on the outside layer.

9. How many plants are in your home? Some silk ivy and roses in a flowing arrangement from our wedding. That's all. I do NOT have a green thumb!

10. Is your bed made right now? Yup. I make it every single morning except Mondays when I wash all the bedding in the house.

11. Comet or Soft Scrub? Neither

12. Is your closet organized? Yup

13. Can you describe your flashlight? I'm not even entirely sure where or what kind of flashlights reside in our home but I believe there is a small silver one in my kitchen junk drawer and a pink princess one in Little Ladys room.

14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic more at home? Glass

15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? To cold for ice tea but in the summer it's pretty common. Good Host if I make it and home-made sweet tea if Prince Charming does.

16. If you have garage, is it cluttered? We do have a garage and for a garage it is quite organized but I wish it was even more streamlined. If I had the option it would have one of those interlocking tile floors, a nice colour on the walls, and shiny cabinets for Prince Charming's tools instead of just shelves.

17. Curtains or blinds? I think technically they would be considered blinds but actually they are more like curtains because there is no break in them.

18. How many pillows do you sleep with? Only one when I am actually asleep but we have 9 on our bed during the day.

19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night? Not in our bedroom but we leave a light on in the kitchen and the kids bathroom as well as a nightlight in the hall by their bedrooms.

20. How often do you vacuum? We don't have a lot of carpet. It is mostly hardwood and porcelain tile but where we do have carpet or throw rugs it gets vacuumed at least a couple time a week...and still always seems covered in crumbs!

21. Standard toothbrush or electric? standard...but my dentist says I have to switch to electric.

22. What color is your toothbrush? Right now it's purple and clear, Prince Charming's is blue and silver, Little Lady's is pink and sparkly (surprised?), and Lancelot's is blue.

23. Do you have welcome mat on your front porch? Yup

24. What is in your oven right now? Oven racks
25. Is there anything under your bed? Nope.

26. Chore you hate the most? Washing Dishes...which is why I have a dishwasher and never do it. The chore I hate the most that I actually do is mopping because it takes SO long in our house and it's impossible to do with two kids at my feet.

27. What retro items are in your home? I don't think we have anything that would be considered retro. We have a lot of classic stuff...like a cd player that looks like it is from the 40's. But I don't think it would be considered retro...especially because it's actually new and not old at all.

28. Do you have separate room you use an an office? Not right now. We are working on renovating our basement and then there will be an office/study.

29. How many mirrors are in your home? Seven that I can think of off the top of my head.

30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? Lol! If anyone actually did I would hope they were smart enough not to answer this question!

31. What color are your walls? A dark burnt red...I think it's called Tuscan something or other...in the main living areas and a yellow shade in the bed and bathrooms.

32. What does your home smell like right now? Probably a mix of cleaning supplies and autumn spice candles mixed with Christmas potpourri. But I'm used to it so I only smell it whenever I walk in.

33. Favorite candle scent? Apple Cinnamon or French Vanilla

34. What kind of pickles are in your refrigerator right now? Garlic and Ale Crunch'ems.

35. Ever been on your roof? Prince Charming has

36. Do you own a stereo? Yes. Two plus two i-pod dock speaker things.

37. How many TV’s do you have? None. We have a computer and three laptops though! We decided not to get a tv our first year of marriage so we could spend the time we had together at home on each other rather than watching a box and well....one year turned to six! I guess it's a little like the couch thing.

38. How many phones? 3 cordless on a land line and two cell phones...well two working ones. I think the kids have a collection of like ten toy and broken ones!

39. Do you have a housekeeper? Yes. She doesn't get paid though. Maybe because she should be cleaning but instead she's writing this blog....

40. What style do you decorate in? There's a bit of a mishmash but ideally all in kind of a classic feel. Lots of ornate items, oak, etc. Like Cherry oak carved furniture with ornate brass handles. That type of thing. Almost anything from The Bombay Company.

41. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? Solids for sure

42. Is there a smoke detector in your home? A couple.

Tires and Tea Parties

2010-01-25T19:58:00.002-06:00

Today I watched my Little Lady and once again was completely in wonder of her. She is the essence of the multi-faceted modern woman. One moment she was politely pouring tea from a china princess tea pot and laying out a party on a pretty pink cloth, the next she was trying to help her daddy as he tinkered on the car tires. The most amazing aspect of this is that she was in her glory doing both. How can one girl have such varied and in-numerable interests? She loves to paint her nails and play in the sand box. She loves train sets and tiara's. She loves tea parties and fixing tires. Of course she does even the more "masculine" things with a feminine flair. Creating snacks in the sand box, playing house with the trains, making sure everything is clean while daddy fixes the tires. What a gift to be so entertained by such a wide variety of activities though.

Insomniacs want to sleep too

2010-01-25T04:07:00.002-06:00

It is 4 a.m. and I am awake. Several years ago this would have been a regular occurance. For much of my life I have suffered from insomnia...staying awake hours after I should have been asleep, waking without the ability to fall back asleep. Despite the shortage of slumber I seldom felt irritated with my insomnia...it was simply an aspect of my life. For most of my life I have also dealt with undiagnosed health issues. Almost constant pain and frequent stomach "attacks"...recently these were diagnosed as Fibermyalgia. But then again I have been diagnosed in the past with Ulcerative Colitis, ovarian cysts, lack of B12, Irritable bowel syndrom, and probably several other things. Not all of these have been accurate and doctors seem to frequently change their mind so who knows if this diagnosis will stick. Anyway, the symptoms are exaccerbated by lack of sleep which means that the times I have suffered most from insomnia I have also been the sickest. The sicker I am the more I stay up. Downward spiral. All this is to say that in recent years I have actually slept slightly better and recieved (some) reprieve from my symptoms.

That is until about two months ago. It seems I have past down my insomniac genes. At this moment Lancelot is happily nursing away after almost two hours of laughing on my lap. I love this boy. I love his laugh. I love that even when we are awake at a time when most of the world is asleep he still has the biggest smile. And more than anything I love to snuggle. But I am slowly losing all capability to function. For two months this boy who slept through the night pretty much since birth has decided he likes to be awake both night AND day. He is being treated for an ear infection which may be part of the problem but I suspect that the end of the ear ache will not yet mean restful nights as this has being going on for some time. I slog through my days and my mind feels like sludge. All I want to do is sleep! I feel sorry for his sister who definitely get the short end of the stick as far as mommy's attention goes since it takes all my energy just to maintain life durring the day. I wish we could all just cuddle up under our covers and drift off to dream land for a solid 8 hour sleep....or maybe even 12....for a week straight.

Anyway, this little sweetheart has momentarily drifted off to dream of breast milk and teething toys and all the wonderful wierd things that make him laugh. So I am off for another attempt at shut eye. Sweet Dreams!

Merry Christmas, New Milestones, Magical Moments and Meeting Mickey,

2010-01-06T14:53:00.003-06:00

I'll give you a heads up right here that this may be a bit of a long post so if you're in a hurry and just stopping by for a quick skim you may want to wander back over later when you have time to sit down and read.

First of all, a belated Merry Christmas to you and yours! I hope that you all were able to enjoy many of the kind of beautiful moments that create warm and wonderful memories! I don't tend to do "update" posts but since it's been awhile once again I thought I'd share a brief update of where we've been lately and what we've been up to.
Lancelot, Little Lady and myself all battled colds for most of the month of December with it finally tapering off just in time for Christmas and mostly gone for New Years. Lancelot has had it the hardest with the cold starting right in the beginning of the month and lasting right til the end. It also meant that for the last month this mommy has gotten precious little sleep. I find that difficult to deal with since my fibromyalgia really flares up when sleep is fleeting but there's not much a mom can do when her kids are calling or crying every hour. I'm hoping I can catch up soon with some good solid slumber. If not I am considering weaning Lancelot of night nursing so that I can squeeze in a little more sleep.
Christmas was a relatively quiet affair this year with the battle of colds and my brother being away leaving only me and my family available for the gathering with my parents. My dad also came down with potential food poisoning Christmas Day so rather than our tradition of spending time at my parents cabin for Christmas and doing a whole sleepover we just spent the day at their house. Despite all that it was a very good Christmas though. We celebrated Lancelot's first Christmas as a family on the 23rd with our usual traditions of one gift of pajamas the night before then stockings, waffle breakfast, the Christmas story and presents that morning. We spent the rest of the day playing with the kids, setting up their new toys (their big gifts were a sled and a wagon to share and Little Lady LOVED pulling her brother around) and just relaxing.
On the 24th we had a gathering at my mom's parents and it was really nice this year. Sometimes I find these gatherings quite loud, crowded, exhausting and overwhelming but this year was an exception.
On the 25th we had Christmas with my parents and by the 26th, although the kids colds were starting to subside, I was feeling even more miserable. We spent the day trying to doctor ourselves amidst packing and cleaning because the next day was when the party really started!

On the 27th we flew to Florida with my parents for ten days at my parents condo as a family. Despite a VERY long day (due to the heightened security measures after that attempted terrorist attack in the states) the kids did AMAZING! I was so impressed with how well they handled things like hours in security lines and getting to the condo super late. Little Lady even got patted down! It was actually pretty adorable. Because of the heightened security absolutely everybody was getting searched, even the babies (although all they really did to Lancelot was pat his bum and his tummy once), so Little Lady had to stand with arms and legs spread while the security guard frisked her. Just the thought of it makes me laugh! This little miniature sweetheart dressed head to toe in pink, pigtails, and sparkly accessories taking her job of standing still super seriously while she is searched by this big security guard! They even made her lift her feet to check the soles of her socks. It was actually quite adorable!

Here are a few highlights from the trip:
-Our first full day there we decided to spend just a couple hours in the evening scoping out the Magic Kingdom. It worked out perfectly. We arrived just in time for their parade where we got to see a bunch of Little Lady's favourite characters, then we went to see Cinderella's castle and Little Lady was absolutely in awe as we watched the sun set and turn the castle pretty shades of pink and purple! After we played at Pooh's house which was completely enchanting and returned to the castle just in time to see Cinderella, Mickey, and Minnie come out and then to use our imaginations to help light up the entire castle. It was incredibly magical, even for me! The look on Little Lady's face was priceless. To her it was all real. Cinderbella (the way she say it!) was really Cinderella and really lived there in that castle. It was pretty incredible to see.

-Our second day there we went to Epcot. The crowds were insane and it was cold so it wasn't really worth it....except for the joy of just spending the day together. We found this quiet spot in this little courtyard outside some hidden bathrooms and Little Lady had a blast running around with us and giving us concerts. It was pretty special.

-Our third day we went to Sea World. Again the crowds were nuts, so much so that they actually shut the park down for a couple hours, and it was cold so we only spent a very short time there. But we were SO glad we had. We saw the baby dolphin's and then had supper right beside the killer whale tank and had a private showing of the whales and saw them up close. Later we walked through the stingray and shark areas and then saw the big "Miracles" killer whale show. Little Lady fell completely head over heels in love. She couldn't get enough of them and insisted the one thing she wanted was to bring home a whale. So she sweet talked her daddy into buying her one as big as she is and she's been snuggling that thing ever since. I have to admit the "Miracles" show was so beautiful that I almost cried!

-On New Years Eve my brother, his girlfriend, and my parents decided to go to Busch Gardens which is a roller coaster park. We would have gone but since it is mostly stuff our kids couldn't do and it was about a two hour drive from where we were we decided to take the day off. Plus we decided the kids, especially Lancelot, could really use the day off. We had such a relaxing time. We went to Wall-Mart and bought a couple games we could play as a family then had a blast getting our buts kicked by Little Lady in "Uno Moo". After the kids were in bed Prince Charming and I watched a movie, made our New Years Resolutions, and then everyone else got home just in time to toast in the New Year together!

-New Years Day was cloudy, rainy, and freezing but we had dinner reservations at this up-scale African restaurant in the Animal Kingdom for my brothers girlfriends birthday and she really wanted to be in the Magic Kingdom for her birthday so we all went for a few hours anyway. It actually worked out really well. My parents took Lancelot into Pinnochio's Village restaurant so he could stay warm while we walked around with Little Lady. Since it was cold the lines were short and even though we were only there a couple hours we got to do a lot. Little Lady was ecstatic to meet both Mickey and Minnie, tour their houses, and then later to get to sit on her favourite colour (pink) seat at the Mad Hatter Tea Party ride, the Dumbo ride, AND the carousel. Dinner was pretty amazing as well...even for the kids. Little Lady's dessert was an entire mini fondue!

-We took both the second and third off from theme parks and just relaxed at the condo. On the second my parents took the kids for a few hours while we went to this incredible Frozen Yogurt place and out to a movie. On the third we did a little shopping and said goodbye to my brother and girlfriend who headed back early.

-On our final full day there we decided to do the Magic Kingdom again because Little Lady loved it SO much and there was a lot she still hadn't had the chance to do there. Again things worked out almost magically. When we arrived in the park Lancelot was hungry for lunch and Little Lady knew that the first place she wanted to go was this area where they did really elaborate face paint. She had seen it the last time we were there but we hadn't had time. So Prince Charming took Little Lady for her face paint and I took Lancelot to Pinnochio's village again. It was PACKED but just as I walked in this family left a corner table and I got this perfect booth table in a back corner that was quieter and a little more removed so I could easily feed Lancelot and even nurse him. After Little Lady got a beautiful pink sparkly swan painted on her face they also came for lunch and by the time we were done we just popped Lancelot in the stroller and he promptly fell asleep! He slept through the entire rest of the afternoon while we took Little Lady on "It's a Small World", the tea party ride, through toon town, and to see three of the princesses. That was one of my all time favourite moments. She is normally a bit shy but the second those princesses spoke to her she lit up brighter than the sun. She gave them huge hugs and looked like she was on top of the world. It was a pretty magical moment to watch as a mommy. Then just before we left the park for supper we saw Pook and Tigger at Pooh's house! Lancelot absolutely ADORED Pooh and couldn't stop kissing him and grinning. In fact, on the plane ride home a teenage girl was holding a stuffed Pooh and Lancelot almost jumped out of my arms for it. He thought Pooh was pretty great. Then we magically got reservations at the Grand Floridian resort for supper and had dinner with Cinderella, Prince Charming, and her stepmother and stepsisters. Little Lady loved it. She adores Cinderella and later said that "Cinderbella is going to be my favourite for QUITE awhile!". I was surprised how much she remembers from the Cinderella story and movie. She refused to speak to the stepmother and stepsisters for the longest time because they had been mean to Cinderella! On our walk to the van after supper she was glowing and talking about her evening when she said "When Jesus gave me to you I was VERY happy!" My heart just melted.

Anyway, we had a very magical vacation and now we are home and EXHAUSTED! But even so we feel very happy and blessed to have had that opportunity.

Now here is a quick update on Lancelot:
On December 3rd he got his first tooth, an eye tooth and it stuck around til December 27th. Since then it's been just hovering there under the surface. It's quite annoying because he is obviously bothered by it and nothing does more to than give him very temporary relief. I don't remember Little Lady's teeth ever coming out for that long and then going back in again.

He also started some new things in the last week. He has been sitting up on his own for a couple months and also started pulling himself up awhile ago and now he sometimes takes steps when we hold his hands! He also tried to crawl but he hasn't quite got the hang of that yet.

And this last week it sounds like he is starting to try some words! We think he may be trying to say "ha" for "hi", "Aaszi" for his sisters name (she also said it this way as a baby), "baba" for bottle, "muma"for mommy, and possibly "bobpa" for "pappa". It's always hard to tell if they really know what they are saying or if it's just fluke but he definitely does try to communicate things and he is definitely getting better at it!

Less Like Scars

2009-12-12T23:44:00.002-06:00

I have been wanting to post more about our experience with Lancelot's birth and the journey we have been on since then but I haven't quite figured out how to begin. Besides that our life has been insane lately with a move and Prince Charming writing exams and two very busy kids. Lancelot is now six months old and the size of his sister at a year! He is so big I can't seem to keep him in clothes and we've already had to move him up a car seat size! It's awesome to see this from a kid who couldn't grow and we had to force feed. Lately things have been a bit rough for Lancelot since he has had a cold and has also been teething (he got his first tooth...an eye tooth!). He's been fussy, not sleeping well, and crying quite a bit. But it sure is a relief to know that he CAN cry now! Anyway, I was asked to share what I had been learning lately with my church and so I decided to post what I am saying there so that you could read it as well.

What I'm going to share today is not so much what I've learned as what I'm in the process of beginning to understand. There is too much to share in just a couple of minutes, plus I'm not sure I'd get through it if I tried, so rather than a whole speech I'm just going to mention a few points and then play a song that pretty much sums it all up. This year, as I've kind of shared before has been by far the most challenging of my life. Moving to a city when I'm a small town girl and not putting down roots since I knew it wasn't permanent so therefore feeling very trapped and lonely a lot of the time. Having my husband gone a lot when my love language is quality time and I had a pre-schooler and was pregnant and then had a newborn. The strain of university life on a young family when neither of us was working. The exhaustion of a stressful pregnancy and selfishly, feeling like I was 25 and my entire life was on hold just so that I could maintain my families life. These things were difficult....but none of them compared,even slightly, to the main event of this year and largest crisis of my life so far which was having our son. In a way it seems wrong to say that the most traumatic experience in your life was giving birth to a child. After all, millions of woman do it daily. But even after already having a child and knowing the excruciating pain and emotional upheaval that can be part of the process....I still wasn't prepared for our experience the second time around. As most of you know, our son's birth was quick and complicated. It felt like a freight train screamed through me and then in the aftermath there was this baby who wasn't breathing and I could hardly process the situation. I was terrified we were going to lose him before his life had even begun. That terror passed quickly in reality although it seemed like eternity in that instant. But the following few weeks were even worse. Like a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. At first there was the confusion of not knowing why he kept turning blue each time he cried. The faint hope that it was something insignificant that would soon pass mingled with the dread that we were dealing with more permanent damage. The ride to a bigger hospital in an ambulance was the worst drive of my life. I remember thinking about how I had sometimes wondered what riding in an ambulance felt like and how I wished I had never wanted to know. It felt surreal to look outside and see sunshine but inside that ambulance my life felt like it was in shatters. Then there were the days of tests, night after night of not getting much needed sleep because every second I wasn't by his side I was wondering if at that moment something was making him cry and if we were going to get a call with the worst possible news. I felt torn because I didn't feel I could leave his side but I missed my daughter so much and just wanted to be home with her. I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone because the pain was just to intense and I felt that nobody could possibly understand. And for the most part not many people could. I didn't blame them, I knew that I wouldn’t have understood before it happened to me and I knew they meant well...but I couldn't bear to
talk to people in person. To hear them say things, however well intentioned...that just proved they had no idea what I was going through. I wondered if this was how I'd always feel...isolated by the pain of either losing a child or living with a child with severe medical issues. The fear and pain were so intense that I felt like my body was just functioning on auto pilot while my mind and heart were at war. I knew God was with me, I saw people’s prayers being answered, but I couldn’t FEEL it. All I could feel was some mixture of numbness and terror. There was one time in particular when he was having tests done and he was crying so hard and nobody could calm him and it didn’t seem like the oxygen was working...there was so much panic and I got sent out of the room and I broke down in the hallway and I thought this is it. It’s over. Some nurses walked by and asked if I was ok and I couldn’t even answer. How do you answer? And where is God when you are facing the absolute bleakest moment? That night I thought of the footprints poem... “when you see only one set of footprints...it is then that I carried you.” I may not have felt completely hopeful and peaceful in that exact moment but it was God who gave me the strength to not completely lose my mind when I felt like I was losing everything else. Maybe he didn’t fix it all...although in the end our son HAS experienced healing and we give God so much glory for that....but we walked through some HORRIBLE times and experienced things I would not wish on ANY parent. The key thing though is that God did and is walking with us. And I think walk is the key word...it’s a journey. I thought that if our son was somehow cured I’d feel better. That my paranoia about his health, my anxiety about being out in public, being around people who coughed or sneezed, my fears, obsessions, and panic and the constant state of stress would stop. But they didn’t. It is only now in the last few weeks that things are SLOWLY starting to ease up. I started seeing a Christian counsellor who has told me that I am experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Dissorder due to the experience. She is helping me to work through a lot of the trauma and in the process to discover a lot about myself and how I deal with things. For example...my entire life I believed I was an extrovert and just recently realized I am very much an introvert. It sounds silly to only realize something like that about yourself at 25...even my husband told me “How could you not know?” but I guess I was raised to be extroverted and always just believed I was...never realizing that the heart of me did not react that way at all. Just learning things like that about myself and being okay with them...learning how I need to respond to stuff...being okay with the way I need to respond to stuff....helps. What I am understanding from this journey is that sometimes life REALLY hurts...and even then God is there. Maybe not in this way that makes everything feel better right then...but to give an ounce of strength to take the next step and eventually ...when you’re ready, to make something out of that pain. To sum up where I’m at lately I often think of the Chorus to the Sara Groves song..Less like Scars. “And I feel you here and you’re picking up the pieces, forever faithful. It seemed out of my hands a bad situation. But you are able. And in your hands the pain and hurt seem less like scars...and more like Character.”
I’m going to play that song now for you.

It's been a hard year , But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard , Healing changes are subtle But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here , And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here , And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here , And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars (x3)

And more like Character

"The Future's not ours to see..."

2009-11-04T22:46:00.002-06:00

Little Lady looks skyward with great anticipation. She begins to climb an imaginary ladder. Her laughter dances across the room like sunlight tinkling off a thousand crystals. Rainbows reverberate.

"Mommy, I'm climbing to my future!"

I wonder what she sees.

Oh Where Oh Where has my little girl gone?

2009-10-28T11:53:00.003-05:00

The other day we were walking through the mall and Little Lady was lagging behind because she was busy inspecting everything as usual. She is such a shopper. I kept looking back and encouraging her to keep up so she wouldn't get lost. After awhile I hear....

"UUuuugggh. Mom I'm OKAY! You don't need to worry about me!" I couldn't help but laughing at this little lady with a lot of attitude. She sounded just like me at thirteen.

Then this morning Little Lady was working on a craft and picked up a piece of paper. With a look of thoughtful consideration she stated matter-of -factly,

"I assume I can cut this."

And later,

"This is a sticker so OBVIOUSLY we need to stick it on something."

This Little Lady, although growing at much to great a pace, sure can keep me laughing.

Crafty Christmas

2009-10-20T16:03:00.003-05:00

Christmas is creeping up quickly and it's time to start planning the perfect presents. This year Prince Charming and I decided to do the crafty, creative thing and make as many gifts as possible. Some gifts for the kids won't be but we decided that for others and for each other they had to be made, or at least personalized or homemade. In other words they don't have to be handmade by us specifically. Prince Charming negotiated this little exception since he's not especially crafty. So for example, items with photos on them are personalized so they count as do things bought at craft shows, items that are engraved, etc.
So since being creative requires more time than a trip to the mall I need to get cracking. Anyone have any ideas for gifts?
All I keep thinking about is the episode of friends where Chandler and Monica are supposed to make each other's valentine gifts and Monica steals Phoebe's sock puppet and Chandler comes up with crotchless panties....
I keep hearing Monica's frantic voice in the back of my mind...."MAKE the presents! MAKE the presents!"

A Little Lad and a Little Lady Grow Up

2009-10-17T23:21:00.003-05:00

I have been meaning to post for more than a month already but life has held an abundance of "busy" in recent weeks. Since my last post my Little Lady turned three and my baby boy is now a bouncing four and a half months. I thought it was time to give a bit of an update on their growth if for no other reason than that if I don't write it hear I will probably forget these times the way I forget so much already and as I watch my baby's grow from little bundles to tiny people...I want so badly to remember every precious moment.

First my Little Lad:
At his four months appointment we were blown away by this boy. You would never know that he was a baby who we could hardly get to eat and wouldn't grow. He was completely off the charts for height, measuring about the height of our average ten month old! His weight was also above average, although still lean for his height, at just under 17 pounds. The doctor said that she would let us keep him in his infant carrier til his six month appointment, even though he is technically to tall, but that by his next appointment he would need to go into a bigger car seat and she suspects that by nine months he will need to be forward facing because he is so tall it would actually be less safe for him to be rear facing even though he won't be a year! He is wearing nine month sleepers and 6-12 month clothing and my best friend calls him her "squishy" because he is SUPER cuddly and has the chubbiest little cheeks! He is a smiler. With Little Lady we had to coax every smile out but with him he just sits around grinning half the time and it only takes a tiny bit of attention to get him all out giggling. He thinks his sister is especially hilarious. She could just be sitting there eating her lunch and he'll be practically rolling with laughter watching her. Speaking of rolling he rolls from tummy to back and ALMOST from back to tumm and can turn himself in circles when lying on his back by doing this strange rocking/rolling thing. He can sit up on his own for over a minute once we've got him stable enough but as soon as he gets excited...which happens often...he tips himself over. He also started cereal this last week. The doctor had told me to start him at his last appointment already because he is so big and was already showing all signs of readiness...but I couldn't bring myself to do it until after this Thanksgiving weekend when I saw how upset and frustrated he was whenever we ate and how he was grabbing at our plates and cups for food! He is enjoying the cereal quite a bit. As for his health, as you can tell he is doing much better, but he is still rattly much of the time. I find that frustrating but I calm myself with the fact that the doctor seems to believe that this is just his normal and he will outgrow it and that it's not of concern. The truth is that it doesn't seem to affect him...but it makes me a very nervous mommy anyway. Lately it has seemed a little worse but I think it may be because he is teething. He has an ABUNDANCE of drool which is actually more like a water fountain springing forth from his mouth and he is constantly soaked. I think the extra saliva is making him more rumbly because it just sits there since he hasn't figured out how to swallow it down or clear his throat properly yet. Hopefully it doesn't last much longer so my nerves stop being so frayed!

Little Lady:
She is a handful and a half lately. I have to say that although she is becoming a beautiful little girl and is so grown up sometimes...I really do miss my toddler. Oh the whining, the whys, and the temper of a three year old! Sometimes I just want to scream right along with her. At the same time she is turning into such a sweetheart. She can be the biggest help with her brother. Getting him toys, reading him books, bringing me things, throwing out diapers. She helps me clean and cook and do pretty much anything. She is always the first to notice when her brother wears a new outfit or I've had my hair cut or have painted my nails and she is always complimentary. She can also be very sweet and considerate. Recently when I was home alone with the kids early in the morning I started falling asleep nursing. I must have drifted off because suddenly I opened my eyes and there she was beside me on the couch quietly reading her books. When she noticed me looking at her she said, "It's ok. Go back to sleep mommy." She is incredibly creative and loves her crafts, reading, and colouring. She also loves to play all sorts of imaginary games and could spend hours outside inventing things for herself. Sometimes she is a little too inventive. Yesterday I was nursing her brother when she decided she wanted to paint. I asked her to wait and she made no complaint. However, when I checked on her several minutes later she had taken out all her paint supplies, found an ice cube tray, pulled a chair up to the sink, filled the tray with water, and began her painting project. Also I am incredibly worried she is going to cut off her hair. She loves to play "spa" and will do pretend waxes, massages, and hair do's on me or her dolls. I have told her multiple times that she can't really cut hair but she has an obsession with scissors and it seems no matter where I hide them she finds them. So far she hasn't caused any huge disasters but I'm definitely afraid that one day I might not catch her in time.....
The days of getting up in the night for bathroom breaks or night mares have sadly begun. Her latest fear is funnily...tractors! I am so not a farm girl so I find it a little amusing that my daughter has an actual FEAR of tractors and I really do feel for her. But although I have a dislike for most farm animals and machinery I have no idea where she got an actual FEAR from! The other night she woke up from a nightmare and was terrified that tractors were going to get into the house. It took us forever to convince her that we live nowhere near a farm and even if we did tractors don't just randomly drive through walls...and also that they cannot open doors. She talked about it all day and had a really hard time falling asleep even after we reassured her that there were no tractors near by and that we had securely locked all doors. She even put it in her prayers "Jesus please keep the tractors locked in the barn with the cows."
I wish I could remember or write down all the things she comes up with but I would have to be writing a couple times a day. Another thing recently though was last Sunday at church when she saw one of the new baby's who is about her brother's age.
"Mommy is that baby's name Jaren?" She asked.
"Yes that's right!" I said
"Why is that his name?" All conversations now involve at LEAST one why question.
"Because that's what his mommy and daddy wanted to name him. What did your mommy and daddy name you?"
"They decided to name me SWEETHEART!"
And she hasn't forgotten yet that she wants to marry an athlete. Recently she was asking me when she could go wedding dress shopping and we were having a whole discussion on marriage when I told her that before she got married she would have to find her prince charming. To which she replied that she had already FOUND her prince charming. He was on her cereal box. The skater...remember mommy?

Well that's a little look into the lives of a Little Lad and a Little Lady who are far to quickly becoming not so little!

Let's Go Fly a Kite...

2009-08-20T17:35:00.002-05:00

Sometimes the things little mouths say come out a little different than their original intention.

Today at lunch Little Lady suddenly stopped eating. Her fork poised in mid-air, an expression of purpose on her face.

"I need a kite." She stated with resolution.

"What for?" I ask. I am surprised at this sudden statement and the serious tone it is delivered in. We were not even remotely on the topic of kite flying.

"Nanna told me I need to go fly a kite!"

What on earth will she come up with next?

Watch Your Mouth

2009-08-18T14:48:00.003-05:00

Little Lady learned a new phrase recently from her movie quoting father. Prince Charming was searching the house for something before leaving with her on an errand and was apparently taking to long for Little Lady's liking. From the front porch we hear her call,

"T..T...T..Today Junyor!!!!"

We really need to learn that this Little Lady is a giant sponge!

High Standards for her Highness

2009-08-10T09:35:00.003-05:00

This morning at breakfast my beautiful little girl began asking questions that lead to a conversation about her future beau...and boy was I surprised to hear she has already set standards!

It all started when she saw a picture of some Olympic athletes on her cereal box and asked what they were called. I explained that people who participate in sports are called athletes and then began listing some sports. When I got to hockey she didn't believe me that they were called athletes so I said,

"Yes most people who play hockey are called athletes...but you don't need to marry one."

I added the last part just to be silly since I have an aversion to hockey players.

She immediately responded "But I have to!"

To which her daddy said "If he's in the NHL you can marry him."

And I said, " Don't you want to marry a doctor?"

She laughed "No! I'M going to be a doctor!"

"Oh do you want to marry a business man?"

"No!"

"a lawyer?"

"No!"

"A car fixer?"

"NO!" More laughter

"Well who would you like to marry?"

Immediately she points at the Olympic athletes on her cereal box. "I want to marry one of those guys who's getting some exercise!"

Under my Umbrella

2009-07-24T00:23:00.003-05:00

Every night this week we have been out and have only tucked ourselves into bed well after midnight. My mind and body are extremely exhausted...but my soul is still soaring after our incredible news on Monday. Even the fact that we have been able to be OUT this week has me wanting to dance...even if my feet (and every inch of me) are thoroughly worn out. I cannot get over the wonderful news God has given us. As I celebrate though I realize how so much of what we were given is due to the power of prayers from many people...hundreds who I don't even know. Without the amazing support of friends and family I'm not sure we would have survived. Reflecting on these relationships I realized that I may not be able to exactly pay it back...but perhaps I can pay it forward.

I would like to offer my blog as a base for prayers for those experiencing difficulties in their pregnancies or with their newborns or young babies. I am going to place a bar on the side where I will list people and a bit about their specific prayer requests as well as a link to their blog if they have one. This way more people can pray for the children and parents in these situations. If you know of someone you would like to add just post a comment on any one of my blog posts and I will ad them. You can also use my link button to post on people's page to let them know that they are on the prayer list. I would like to come up with some other ways to pay it forward but I'm going to start with this prayer list.

I'd also like to share the following with other moms facing fears for their children. The day before Lancelot's scope I was de-stressing in the bathtub and asked Little Lady to bring me a book. She happened to bring me a devotional book which I had not read in awhile. When I turned to next chapter I was supposed to read I saw it was entitled "David and Goliath". The entire chapter spoke to me so powerfully. Here are a few snippets:

"Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." Deuteronomy 20:3-4

"Father God, I offer my praise today because You fight the battles for me (1 Samual 17:47). You act on my behalf, and nothing can hinder you from saving (1 Samual 14:6). Some may trust in chariots and some in horses, but I will trust in Your name because You are the Lord God, and above You is not other (Psalm 20:7). Amen."

"This is what the Lord says to you: "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours but God's."" 2 Chronicles 20:15

Under my Umbrella

2009-07-24T00:23:00.000-05:00

On the Tip of My Tongue...

2009-07-24T00:15:00.002-05:00

This evening on the way home from church we asked Little Lady what she had learned. What follows is our enlightening conversation:

"What did you learn in Children's Church?"

"My picture."

"What's your picture about?"

"The tongue. It has an owie. It got hurt on the tongue."

"Why did it get hurt?"

"Betause it lied. When you lie it hurts your tongue."

"How do you make it better?"

A moment of thoughtful silence....

"With milk!"

Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow

2009-07-20T23:11:00.003-05:00

Although traditionally a song used as a prayer at church pot-lucks...and to be perfectly honest...one I don't particularly like as a prayer...this song has been running through my head all day. Perhaps because I can't think of a proper way to sum up all the praise that is pouring out of me, there is really no poetry or adage adequate enough, besides this very basic line...."Praise God from whom all blessings flow."
Today I feel as if the weight of the entire world simply rolled right off my back. I feel buoyant like a helium balloon. In fact, I believe if it was humanly possible...I might just float away.
We walked into the surgeon's office this morning trying not to think to hard about the procedure, the process or the possible outcomes. Although I was trying desperately to detach my mind from the moment and de-tangle the knots of worry wormed around my stomach...I was still incredibly anxious. It didn't help that all around the office...and coming from the exam room...were screaming children. I even saw one little boy come tearing out of an exam room in a torrent of tears before his mom scooped him up and dragged her screaming son back in for the scope. We had been through this procedure before...watched the way he turned blue and held him still while they shoved the scope through his throat. Even though I knew that we had no guarantees of good news and that nerve injuries like this can take up to a year to heal...if at all...I ached to hear the words that would set us free.
Today not only did I hear those words...I was able to see it for myself! The surgeon scoped Lancelot's little throat and on a large screen we saw two perfectly pink, fully functioning, vocal cords that did not restrict his airway at all. Not even when he screamed....which he did since he certainly did not enjoy the scope. The surgeon sounded surprised and incredibly pleased when he turned to us and said, "I see two cords that are both working well. You're done with me!" I could have bounced right through the building! I felt like cheering...and I actually did a little. To think that only seven weeks ago we wondered whether he was even going to be able to breath on his own....he is now just like any other baby boy! This can only be due to the power of an amazing God who deserves all our praise!
Seven weeks has felt like an eternity to us and yet now he has his whole life ahead of him to be as rambunctious and boisterous as any other little boy. We do still have a pediatrician appointment next week to confirm that it is definitely okay for us to treat him "normally" now and do things such as travelling, allowing others to hold him, etc. But we don't expect to hear otherwise since there shouldn't be any reason for these restrictions now.

Thank you to all of you who have prayed for us during an incredibly difficult time. We serve one incredible God who answers prayer! A little baby who turned blue from the hiccups and couldn't even let out a tiny cry without sounding strangled, a baby who's whole body seemed to collapse when he breathed, a baby who had nerve damage and a paralyzed vocal cord restricting his voice and his airways is now a healthy boy who can make baby sounds and scream like the best of them! This is all due to a powerful God who saves and to the prayers of many, many people. And he's only seven weeks! What exciting things does God have in store for this little miracle man? I am so excited that we will get an opportunity to experience it!

Rain Rain Go Away

2009-07-16T14:27:00.002-05:00

I can't seem to stop thinking about the storm we have been facing. Maybe it's the fact that the last three days have been nothing but damp, dark and dreary but I just can't stop the fear from practically suffocating me. Even as I go about my day acting as if everything is fine...hidden back in my brain is the fear of our upcoming scope and all the weight the evaluation will carry. I feel like you do on those days when the heat and humidity make you unable to do anything but sweat and feel as if you are suffocating. It doesn't help that in the past few days Lancelot has been a nosier baby again with a lot of "musical" breathing, "Darth Vader" sounds, and a new one that sounds like a squeak toy. Prince Charming passes these off with a shrug and says, "Maybe he'll have a great movie career!". If only I found it so easy to be so cavalier about my son's vocal cords.
I hate the paranoia. As a child I had a phobia of the wind and would do almost anything to avoid being out in it. Just a slight breeze had me planning and back-up-planning every worst case scenario. What if a tornado would hit? Where would I go? What would I do? I feel like that now. Someone coughs near by my baby and I instantly feel my entire body tense. I want to scream at parents of other kids who come near. I want to wrap us all in bubble wrap or lock us up in a storm shelter. However, at the same time...I also want so badly to be back to normal. I am constantly battling that inner tug-of-war wondering where to draw the line.
The scope is on Monday. On Monday we will know whether we continue in this dreary weather...this wondering...this worry...this waiting. Or maybe we get good news. I think that would feel like a get-out-of-jail-free card. With how musical my little man has been I find it hard to believe we'll get the news we want. But I also know that God does miracles and I need to believe the best for my little boy.
Please continue to pray with us for complete healing of the vocal cords and that 1) the scope will go smoothly on Monday and 2)The cords will be fully functioning allowing us to walk out of that doctors office and never go back!
Thank you for your prayers and support!

Now I lay me....

2009-07-15T10:29:00.002-05:00

Remember that great Golden Book with the adorable toddler on the cover, blond bangs pulled back in a clip, hands clasped in prayer? Her chubby cheeks are washed in a rosy glow and she looks like a little cherub? Lately whenever I look at Little Lady I am reminded of that book and it's beautiful images.
Little Lady has long ago memorized the typical children's prayer of "Now I lay me" and when we tuck her into bed each night she offers up this poem or a prayer of her own which involves thanking Jesus for pretty much everything....especially cookies and candy. Recently however she has expanded her prayers to "telling Jesus" about her day or asking for requests. She even presents requests on behalf of her babies. Yesterday she knelt by her dollies bed and, head bowed, asked, "Jesus please help my baby have a good sleep."
What really melts my mommy heart though is how in her prayers I get a glimpse of how she perceives the world. For example she recently prayed, " Jesus please help baby brother not to be sick so he doesn't have to go to the hosital anymore and mommy and daddy and Alli and baby brother can be home."
The past two nights her prayers have involved her nanna and pappa who are currently on vacation. The first night she prayed, (with a huge pout on her face and a quiver in her voice), "Jesus please help nanna and pappa to come home from Paradway (paraguay) because I'm crying!"
Then last night she prayed "Jesus please help Nanna come home so we can sleep in the tamping (camping) trailer. Me and Nanna. In the little bed." She is very specific in her prayers!

From the Little Lady

2009-07-09T14:26:00.002-05:00

A few phrases my Little Lady has recently learned...

"I don't want any more cereal mommy....trust me!"

Prince Charming: "Would you like a glass of milk or something before bed?"
Little Lady: "Chances are I'll want a glass of milk."

Shadows to Sunshine

2009-07-09T13:59:00.002-05:00

This morning we awoke to the roar of rain. It was not just a pitter pat but an all out downpour. Dismal, dark days are so depressing so I decided to try and make the best of it by making it a relaxing indoor day. Just books and movies, crafts and cuddling. Around noon the sun suddenly made an appearance and the once gray skies turned to brilliant blue...the chill of rain was replaced by bright warm rays. I thought to myself "How can such a miserable morning turn into such an amazing afternoon?"

Then it was like a ray of sunshine snuck inside and lit up my heart with hope...like a promise. Lancelot's little life may have had a pretty bleak beginning...but there is sunshine on the horizon. Then later this afternoon the local public health nurse came by to check Lancelot's weight and see how he is handling going back to the breast a little more and not being all on the bottle. I was excited to see the scale climb and hear that he has gained an entire pound since his visit last week with the pediatrician! He is now 10 pounds 11 ounces at six weeks old. That's up almost three pounds since his after surgery weight at two weeks where he was 8 pounds. Now we continue to try him back on the breast and see how it goes with weekly weights from public health. We also wait for our scope on the 20th and pray for a miracle and a vocal cord that is no longer paralyzed. Please continue to pray with us. Our church is also having an anointing service for him tonight.

We do praise God for his beautiful promises of his presence! We also thank him for the hope we have. Here is another promise a friend and mentor shared with me last night:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43

Family

2009-07-07T09:26:00.002-05:00

This weekend my husband and I attended the annual national convention of the church conference we are a part of. Raised as a pastor's daughter within this conference I spent my summer's as a child traveling to wherever this conference was being held and grew up calling many of these people "uncle" and "aunt" as we did not live near my extended family. It has been several years since I have attended this convention but I was blown away once again by the way the people of God really can be a family. My husband and I must have had 15-20 people, many that we didn't even really know, come up and tell us they and in many cases their entire church, had heard of us and had been praying for us and our son. After one such case where a man we didn't know came up and asked "Is this the baby we've been praying for?" my husband even welled up. I have seen Prince Charming get tears in his eyes only a handful of times. How amazing to know that people you don't even know care that much about you?

We sang a song this weekend at the convention that just seemed to speak to exactly where I have been at. I've had some issues Spiritually since Lancelot's birth. It's been difficult to deal with everything going on and so I have had a hard time having much of a spiritual life....but through it all the one thing I have been reminded of is my son's name. It means "God is my salvation". And although I do not understand all we have been through or why I am reminded that my God is still here and He has been and will save us. Here are the lyrics:

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's) My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's) My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, My God He is
My God is always gonna be

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives

A little ray of sunshine

2009-07-04T19:32:00.006-05:00

Every day I try to see the sun but sometimes even when the days are completely cloudless I find myself feeling as if everything is just dark and dismal shades of gray. I know I am battling some post baby blues and maybe even a bit of post partum so I try not to let the feeling affect me to much, but sometimes it's still so hard. I still worry so much about my son and his health and even though I try to let some stuff go I find it so difficult. Sometimes I struggle with the exhaustion, sometimes with the stress. I go through every emotion in the book. From peace and hope to worry and anxiety. From contentment to resentment. It's hard to struggle with health issues for your child while the rest of the world carries on. Most of all though what I struggle with now is something I would compare to what I hear about post traumatic stress disorder. I get flash backs to the hospital where I get nervous and uptight. Certain smells or sights make my chest feel tight. It reminds me of when I was a teenager and was in a car accident and how I felt driving on gravel or curved roads for months afterwards.
But there is some sunshine in our lives. At Lancelots last pediatrician appointment this past week we were told we can now wait to go back and see her til his 2 month appointment rather than have weekly check ups! Although he didn't gain nearly as much as he had been gaining on the enriched food and forced feeds he still gained and she decided that it was enough to allow him to continue the way he is for now without weekly checks. She also felt he was doing quite well and that we could bring him out more now. We do still have to be very careful and not be around anyone with a virus or allow a lot of people to hold or touch him. But at least we can go out a bit more now. We are also finding that he can cry harder and longer all the time without turning blue. It's still nerve wracking to watch but it's a huge improvement!
On July 20th we have Lancelots next surgeon appointment where they will do a scope to check if the vocal cord function has returned. Please continue to pray for this appointment and that his vocal cord will be fully functioning. We so badly want to be able to put this completely behind us. If we get good news at this appointment we may still be able to visit Prince Charmings parents later this summer yet. They still have not seen him and if we don't get the go ahead to fly it will be a long time before they can because they can not travel either due to also having health issues. We continue to pray for complete healing.
We are also seeking some other altneratives to help Lancelot. We saw a massage therapist this week who showed us how to do some infant massage on him that will hopefully help relax his muscles and heal his nerves.
At the end of the day...despite our exhaustion....we do have a beautiful baby boy who gives great smiles and who otherwise is sweet and strong. That's a lot of sunshine in itself.

God of my Hope

2009-06-23T20:55:00.003-05:00

I entitled this post "God of my Hope" for two reasons. One is that God has given us so many moments of hope in the past few weeks and two is that, despite these incredible blessings, it is sometimes SO hard dealing with a not completely healthy baby that I am at the absolute end of my rope more often than not and just needed that phrase to hold on to.
I realize it's been awhile since I last wrote and I wanted to get an update out again but generally the only time I have to sit at the computer is when my hands are busy with a baby, making it a little unmanageable to type. However both kids are currently asleep and even though one is in my arms I think I can still manage typing with two fingers!
Tonight and a lot of yesterday as well as most of the evenings in the past week or so have been incredibly stressful. Sometimes even when we have great days I am a wreck by bedtime because of the stress of our evenings. Taking care of supper and two kids bed and bathtimes can be tricky enough but when you have a toddler who is exhausted and lonely by bedtime and a baby who is colicky but isn't supposed to cry....well you can imagine the ensuing drama.
Here is some of the high points that I try to focus on to stay positive:
-Lancelot had another appointment today and the doctor was very impressed with his progress. He is now 9 pounds 8 ounces (up from 8 pounds 13 ounces (birth weight) a week ago) and 23 1/4 inches long (up half an inch from last week and 2 inches from birth). She also feels his breathing has gotten quite a bit better and that he is looking much healthier. In fact she said that she feels quite confident that his vocal cord function will return...when she doesn't know...but she feels that it will and this will not be a lifelong problem. She even gave us some hope that by the end of the summer we MIGHT be able to travel and be a "normal" family already. For now we are not quite there but it was good to hear the hope that someday we should be there. Also, the doctor has requested that this next week we demand feed him like a normal baby rather than force feed him or enrich his calorie intake. She wants to see how he handles it. If he can do well this week without any feeding help she feels we will be able to stop weekly doctors appointments and see her only at the regular check up times or for other issues as they arise (which hopefully they dont)!
-We have been able to take Lancelot out on some errands recently which has been a relief. We even got him to sleep in his stroller while we took Little Lady to Tinkertown this past weekend! We had to do a lot of hand sanitizing and kept him covered in his car seat the whole time but we were able to get out and experience a taste of normal life with a toddler again. It was healing for all of us.
-Slowly we are able to handle short periods with only one parent and two kids as we learn to balance and better anticipate Lancelots needs. It's one step closer to being back to a normal life.
-Lancelot has done a lot more crying and although this is not good we have noticed that he is not turning as blue as easily and his cry is also getting a lot stronger...both great signs!

Here are some of our current concerns and prayer items:
-That Lancelot will handle this next week exceptionally well so that we will be able to stop worrying about his weight gain and will no longer need weekly appointments. Today was a bad start to the week as he didn't eat well and had a terrible stomach ache or something this evening that had him screaming and therefore not eating.
-That Lancelot's colic or whatever it is would calm down. Of course we realize baby's cry but a baby who isn't really supposed to cry and who wears himself out and won't eat is extremely stressful.
-Little Lady has been having some potty problems which we are thinking we need to check with the pediatrician about. Hopefully they are nothing and just related to a mixed up schedule that she will soon adjust to but it is a little worrisome.
-That we will be able to handle more one parent and two kid scenarios so that Prince Charming can return to work during his time off school this summer. If he can't we will likely have to quit school early for him to return to work because this whole sick baby thing has completely blown our budget.
-That the thrush that Lancelot has once again will quickly disappear as will his reflux.
-That none of us will catch any bugs anywhere and bring them home. We still have to be careful, although we have been given a little more leeway. On that note....my health is a bit of an issue as I have been having a lot of headaches and have recently almost passed out on a couple occasions. It's likely this is just from stress and lack of sleep but still.
-That Lancelots vocal cord will return to full function. We asked our pediatrician today when we could possibly take a trip to visit family in another province and she felt she couldn't give the go ahead for us to fly anywhere until Lancelot has zero episodes of turning blue and is completely healthy. This is frustrating since we don't know when that will be and sometimes I worry we won't ever get to that point. But the pediatrician feels confident we will...it's just a matter of patience while we wait for the "when".

Please continue to pray for our family. We feel your prayers and greatly appreciate them. We praise God for how far he has brought our family in the past few weeks and continue to pray as we hold on to him and his promises of hope for our future.

Update

2009-06-15T22:51:00.003-05:00

Just to let you know that the surgeon appointment went as well as possible. They agreed not to do the scope until Lancelot is a little stronger and stable so we have another month to prepare for that. Basically they feel he is looking good at this point but there is still definitely healing to do. The vocal cord function has not returned so there is still a lot of issues in that regard even though he is getting stronger.

Please continue to pray for complete healing. Please.

Tomorrow is the pedeatrician appointment. We are hoping and praying for good news about his weight.

More Prayers

2009-06-14T15:59:00.002-05:00

I am feeling very nervous about this upcoming week and wanted to request your prayers. Elijah has an ENT appointment early tomorrow morning and then a pedeatrician appointment early Tuesday. Appointments are rough on him to begin with because of course they make him cry and of course crying is hard on him and makes him burn a lot of calories because he works so hard to breathe. Right now we really don't want him burning extra calories since we need him to be back at birth weight. ENT will be especially difficult because they will probably do a nose scope which obviously is unpleasant. Please pray that Elijah will handle the appointments will with little or no crying. That he will not burn up to many calories. That he will be back at birth weight or beyond. That his vocal cords will be significantly healed. That we will get good news. I find just going back to the hospital discouraging but I especially find talking to doctors difficult. Pray that these will be positive appointments for once. Thank you for keeping us in mind.

Thank You

2009-06-13T23:00:00.002-05:00

Thank you to everyone who has been praying and supporting us in the past couple of weeks. I know that I have mentioned it before but the truth is, I can't say thank you enough. Your encouragement and presence are what makes it possible for us to keep any kind of positive attitude and your prayers are what bring us peace. I don't think I have ever dipped into a lower more terrifying period in my life as I have these past few weeks. Waiting, wondering, worrying about what will become of my son, of my family. All of my time and energy has gone into simply surviving and I feel that spiritually my communication with God has been pretty much just desperate, stuttered pleas. It is God through all of you who has been carrying us through this time. You have been God with skin on to our family in an abundance of ways.
I was struck by this again yesterday. My mom booked me a massage and came to help Prince Charming with Little Lady and the baby so I could go. At the massage the story came out of what we had been going through and after a time the topic turned to the therapist and her husband considering having kids and from there to how she wanted to handle spirituality in their home. She mentioned that her mother had had a bad experience with church when she was a child as they were going through a difficult time financially and that particular church, rather than help, had continued to ask for money. Because of this bad experience the therapist had never really attended church but felt that perhaps when she had a family she might want to. Unfortunately she didn't believe there were any out there that were relevant to her. It was as I told her about our current experience, not just with our own church but with the church body as a whole....all the Christians from various congregations who have been praying for us, bringing us food, helping our family....that I realized how amazingly grateful I am to be part of such a large and loving body. I think it really gave her something to think about and I know it made me realize how amazingly blessed I have been.
Thank you for being here. Please continue to pray as we continue to fight this battle. We couldn't do it without you. You are God's hands and feet for us right now. Thank you.

Roller Coaster

2009-06-11T15:49:00.003-05:00

Lancelot turned two weeks old yesterday. I don't think I have ever had such an emotional two weeks in my entire life. The ups and downs caused those two weeks to drag on like the Sahara desert. The bumps and dips and loops we have been thrown for have made my insides feel worse than after riding one of those wicked Bush Garden roller coasters. I think often of a ride my brother managed to badger me into on one visit to the park. It seems to me it was called "The Cobra" and it was at least as scary as one. On this particular roller coaster you hung underneath the rails rather than riding on top and your legs dangled dangerously below you. At one point on the ride you go rushing head first into a gigantic rock only to be yanked backwards on your head at the last possible second into a sickening flip, your feet feeling as if they are inches away from a shattered fibula. A lot of these last two weeks have felt like that ride, nothing solid to set my feet on, dangerously low dips, stomach churning flips, many moments of sheer panic, and the occasional sky rocketing high....all combined to make you feel majorly disoriented. Sometimes the disorientation is almost amusing. Like when Prince Charming supposedly asked if I wanted some orange juice (which I never drink) and I answered that "Yes, actually that sounds really good." only to ask minutes later who's orange juice was sitting in front of me and have no recollection of the conversation at all.
I think the worst part these past few days, besides the worry, has been the endless twists and turns we feel we get from various "specialists". We see specialists in every field only to get slightly different answers from each of them. Sometimes it's hard to know which voices you should actually let yourself hear and which ones you need to just shut off. Often it feels like we are the ones fighting for our babies best interest rather than the medical profession. Every time he has another appointment they agitate him to the point where he is worse off than before and it takes all our effort to calm him again. Or, for example, the other day we took him to a specialist only to be called the next day to be told that she was sorry, she had a cold that she had THOUGHT the previous day was just allergies. Exactly what we do not need right now. I even had one receptionist pretty much yell at me and in almost as many words tell me I was a bad mother for not jumping at the chance for another appointment with another specialist when I felt it wouldn't be of further benefit since it was just a repeat of what we had been told elsewhere. It's as if everyone wants to get their hands on him but nobody has any real answers or helpful solutions. Thankfully we have an excellent pediatrician who takes our calls pretty much daily and doesn't make us feel like we have to defend him and all our decisions. One of the nurses in the ICN (Intermediate Care Nursery) told us to expect this and that we should chose the ones we trusted and wanted to listen to and then put on our polite face for the rest or stand up and say no. We are just starting to learn how to stand up and defend our son and our decisions. It's hard when health professionals give you different views because you really want what's best and don't want to hinder any help...but you also don't want to put the poor kid through more than he's already had to endure.

Here are a few positives and answers to prayer:
-Lancelot is starting to gain weight. We're not completely sure how much yet but we think he MAY be almost back up to birth weight, or at least pretty close. We have decided along with his pediatrician to only weight him at her office because everywhere we went they wanted his weight and it would upset him since he had to be completely undressed. Plus every scale is slightly different. So now we are waiting until next Tuesday to get another weight and we really hope we hear he is huge and we can stop force feeding him and fortifying all his food!
-His rattling has really improved, especially when he's asleep. It's not gone but it's gotten a lot better and the pediatrician has decided that at least for now he does not need to be re-admitted and we'll keep working with a few other things to see if they help. So we hope it continues to improve so that at our next appointment it is not even a concern any longer.
-The other night Lancelot cried an (almost) real baby cry for around half an hour and BARELY turned blue! It was pretty scary but also kind of exciting. This is HUGE since it means his lungs and vocal cords must be starting to compensate. When he was born the hiccups turned him navy.

A few update prayer requests:
-Continued prayer for healing of the lungs and vocal cord to stop both the wheezing and the rattling. That he could cry without de-saturating at all. That he could have a normal voice.
-Prayer that neither he nor any of us would catch any viruses since that would definitely make things worse and wind us back in the hospital.
-Continued prayer for Lancelot's weight. That he will gain steadily and we will soon be able to stop worrying about it. The sooner he is stronger the sooner we will be allowed to see more people and possibly go out in public.
-Prayer for his little tummy. He has had a very upset tummy from medications and the fact that he gets a ton of air into his body when he cries or eats. He also gets upset by all the switching of food mixtures that has had to be done. We really pray he will start settling for feeding times and afterwards as well. It's very hard to have a fussy baby that you can't really let cry!
-Prince Charming has an exam this weekend as well as next week and some end of semester assignments due. We're not sure how he will get these done with all of our appointments and the stress of trying to take on a toddler and a high maintenance little man.
-Little Lady. She seems to be adjusting a little better but it's still rough and this weekend she may need to be away again in order for me to manage the baby while Prince Charming studies and writes exams. I tried handling both kids alone the other day but a couple hours was enough to make me almost have a melt down. When you can't let one kid cry but he has a tummy ache and the other one is lonely for attention and still needs help when hungry, etc.....it gets a little crazy.

Thank you AGAIN to all who are praying and who have shown their support through encouraging notes, songs, verses, meals, cleaning, gifts, etc. You mean the world to us and we really feel your prayers and believe that they are making a big difference for us and our family.

Mighty to Save

2009-06-10T15:22:00.001-05:00

This song has been in my head quite a bit since Lancelot's birth and as I am having a particularly bad day today...it came to me again. I found it comforting and decided to post it here for all of you. May Lancelot's name be a true testament to God's power to save throughout his life.

Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Saviour
The hope of nations
CHORUS:
Saviour
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
VERSE 2:
So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
BRIDGE:
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
We’re singing
For the glory of the risen King

Scream

2009-06-09T22:29:00.002-05:00

I don't know how else to express myself except for wanting to cry and scream. Tonight Prince Charming tried to tell me, "Tomorrow is another day." But I didn't find that encouraging at all. I just wanted to cry "When will tomorrow be a good day?"
When will we have a day with just good news? When will my daughter feel secure again? When will my son be healthy? When will I be able to be a mom of two kids without needing extra people around to help? When will we be able to go out in public without paranoia? When will feeding bring the sweet cuddly feelings and not fear and constant counting of ounces?
Today was another difficult day as we had to take our Lancelot to several appointments which stressed us all out and brought more discouraging news. But first, so that I don't completely drag myself down...here are a few positives:
-Lancelot was up 3 ounces from yesterday. Fingers crossed for another three by tomorrow. Of course it's not likely he actually gained three ounces in one day, more likely the scales are slightly different. BUT, he did gain and at that rate we could be back up to birth weight by the end of the week. Praying for a miracle.
-Little Lady was a stellar big sister during the whole time at the doctor.
-My aunt cooked us supper
-My mom is here to help tonight
And now the rest:
-Lancelot is still very rattly when he breathes, especially after feeding. They took x-rays again today (another concern...I HATE all the procedures, medications, etc. he is and has already been on and through at this age!) and said the lungs were still hazy. We are on another medication now (which upsets his tummy...*sigh*) for two days that is supposed to reduce swelling and will HOPEFULLY take away the rattling. If it doesn't...we will very likely end up back in the hospital. I am in complete agony over this because I do NOT want to go back there. I think it would make us all fall apart. Little Lady especially is already struggling so much. We really need some positive progress around here.
-Lancelot is not supposed to breast feed anymore because apparently he can't handle the exertion. Which means I am supposed to pump all his feeding because he really needs breast milk and not formula because he isn't supposed to catch anything contagious.....And pumping doesn't work well for me plus takes up more time which I already don't have.
-Every doctor and nurse tells us something slightly different. It feels like a hurricane in my head.
-Little Lady cries a lot because we are so busy with the baby and his high needs.

Prayer requests:
-Please...if you think of us...if anyone you know thinks of us...please pray for Lancelot's vocal cords to heal so he isn't striderous, for his lungs to heal so he doesn't rattle, for his body to heal so is strong and healthy and that this happens before the weekend so we don't have to be back in the hospital!!
-Please pray that Lancelot gains a lot of weight so that not only is he stronger and healthier but he is able to breastfeed again. Until that happens pray that I can pump so he still gets the immunity.
-Please pray that Lancelot, and the rest of us, do not catch any colds or viruses.
-Please pray for my Little Lady to feel secure

Also,
-Pray for Prince Charming's schoolwork. He has missed a lot of classes and has exams starting soon. He has to be in class tomorrow but if things don't improve he'll have to miss again and there has to be two parents here at all times since Lancelot needs pretty much constant care.
-Pray for our finances. Did you know that the ONLY place you can buy the special medical soothers they get your baby attached to in NICU is from Hawaii?? I should seriously start a business.

Stress

2009-06-08T18:25:00.003-05:00

Right now my heart just breaks for every parent who has ever had a sick child, for every parent who has dealt with a child with a disability, for every parent who has worried and cried and fought for their kid. For every parent who tried to figure out how to not put their healthy child on the back burner while they cared for a high needs child. For every parent who tried to navigate the nine million voices telling them totally different stories about their baby. I never knew it was so hard. My heart goes out to you all.
I feel stretched so thin sometimes that the stress feels like an acorn falling on a spiders web. Little Lady is a trooper but she's still two and struggles with not having the same attention as before the baby. As much as we try and shield her...she senses and sees our stress and it makes her sad. It breaks my heart to hear her cry.
Our Little Lancelot (his new name on here) is not doing so hot. The health nurse came today and he is still losing weight. We now have to basically force feed him both breast and formula in hopes that he will soon start gaining. Because his condition causes him to work so hard to breath he burns more calories than the average baby and also gets more tired trying to eat. Tomorrow we see the pediatrician who has suggested supplementing with some extra calories. If he can't get back up by himself we may end up back in the hospital...which is one of my greatest fears.
I'm not feeling well and my body is having a rough time recovering due to all the stress. I have contracted a yeast infection to top it off and I feel like a steam roller has stretched out my whole body. Food is completely not appealing and I have to force myself to eat. Whenever I am not force feeding my son I am trying to give Little Lady at least a small bit of normal. I try to do a craft or have a cuddle. Maybe take a stroll to the slides at the park. I find her very healing.
Prince Charming is my hero and my champion. Taking over the feeding when I can't, cleaning up whenever he can, supporting me with hugs and holding me when I cry, trying to be a good dad to our daughter, and in between all that trying to squeeze in some homework so he can hopefully still pass this semester. He too is feeling very fried.
Little Lancelot, although he worries us sick with his desaturizing when he cries, his horrible sounding breathing, and his lack of good feeding is otherwise a little ladies man. He has already given us some very real smiles and he is a very alert little boy who loves to coo and cuddle and check out the world. He is far more alert than his big sister was at this stage and is very entertaining. Of course he is most awake at night while his sister is an early riser. It just figures they would plot against us that way. Sometimes when he is settled I can almost pretend we are a normal family of four. Unless you hear or see him breathing during a bad spell or listen to his cry, unless you know how we have to force feed him or you see him get pissed off and turn blue...you would think he was a normal healthy baby boy. He is tall and strong and incredibly alert. He coos and smiles and responds to stimuli like lights and sounds instantly. Strangely enough although he can't seem to gain weight he pees and poops like a champ! But...he is not a 'normal' healthy baby and a lot of the time my heart is just breaking.
I remember once when Little Lady was young I was nursing her in the baby room at The Bay and another mom was nursing her baby at the same time. Her baby sounded like my Lancelot. At the time I had never heard a baby like that before, it sounded terrible and I remember asking if he was ok. She answered that he was fine, that it was normal for him. I remember being so grateful my baby didn't sound like that but it never occurred to me that there was actually something wrong with him, that his mother might be tired and stressed and scared and maybe even insecure. I think about that a lot now. I wish I could have showed her some compassion.
Please pray for our family.
Pray for Lancelot to start gaining a good amount of weight and get stronger.
Pray for complete and quick healing of his vocal cords.
Pray he will not contract any viruses as they will put him in great danger and make his recovery much harder.
Pray he will learn to cope with things and stay calm until he is healed so that he will not desaturate.
Pray for Little Lady to feel very loved and to adjust to the added stress and less attention.
Pray for Prince Charming and I both individually and as a couple.
Pray for my parents who have plenty to handle in their own lives but are still trying to be there for us.
Pray that soon we will see a lot of light at the end of this tunnel.

Thank you again for all your prayers and support.

Home Again Home Again Jiggidy Jig!

2009-06-06T13:38:00.003-05:00

Well we aren't QUITE dancing a jig but we feel just about able to. The doctors released us to bring our beautiful baby boy home today! I can't tell you how exciting it was to hear that we were one more step closer to some type of normalcy. One of the best parts was to watch Prince Charming carry the car seat out to the car because he did not get to be part of our first "bringing baby home" experience as he was incredibly ill and quarantined from us at the time. But now here I am, sitting on the couch cherishing the image of my husband and my son snuggling on the arm chair. It is so reassuring to see this as it is something Prince Charming talked about wanting to do since we bought the chair a few months back. Over all the nightmarish images in my head from this past week and a half....somehow this one is incredibly healing. The relief of being in my own home and not feeling like I have one hundred things to take care of and only ten minutes before I need to be back at the hospital is huge.

There are however still some downsides.

For one, our Little Lady is not home yet as we felt we needed a day and night to adjust to the needs of a high maintenance newborn before bringing a toddler into the mix. However....we are one step closer to being a family of four in our own home and look forward to tomorrow when we anticipate her arrival!

Another is the fact that although the doctors consider it safe for us to be home...Elijah is not really "healthy". When he cries he still turns blue as his airways have not yet healed or learned to compensate for their damage. This means that we cannot let him cry for more than a minute or so before he begins to turn blue...which means he is VERY high maintenance. We continue to pray for complete healing if not very quick compensation on the part of his healthy vocal cord. Hopefully this happens sooner rather than later.

Also, for the first week we are still kind of confined as we are not really supposed to be out in public and for the first few months we have been told to strictly monitor contact as anyone with a cold could make him extremely sick. This also means we have to watch ourselves and Little Lady and do a lot of hand sanitizing. We had been hoping to take a trip to visit family in another province this summer but will not be able to due to Elijah's condition.

Sometimes it feels like it will be a very long and exhausting journey that we're not sure how to handle but we PRAISE God that we can be home and are at least moving in the right direction.

There are a million things to be thankful for right now so we are trying to focus on all of those rather than worry about all the other things that still need to happen. Thanks again for all of your prayers and support. Please continue to stand beside us!

An Ode To Faith by Patrick Overter

2009-06-05T15:22:00.000-05:00

When you have come to the edge
Of all the light you know,
Into the darkness of the unknown.
Faith is knowing that
One of two things will happen,
There will be something solid to stand on
Or you will be taught how to fly.

Today

2009-06-04T20:43:00.002-05:00

Today is what we are trying to focus on. Just getting through today. Our house is a little topsy turvy, school is on the back burner, most things are actually on the back burner. We have been missing appointments and forgetting to do stuff and sometimes it feels like we are forgetting to even talk about anything except Elijah or our Little Lady.
It is so great to know what is wrong with Elijah but I still feel discouraged. Although the surgery did help, he isn't instantly healthy of course and the reality is that unless the vocal cords regrow their nerves it will be a long time before he will be. Which means even when we get to bring him home he may be a baby we have to jump for every time he gets upset....which happens pretty easily if he is hungry....which is always because he is a little monster! I already feel so drained that I am worried about this. I am still praying that the cords will be healed completely and SOON so we know longer have to worry about him. The other problem is that I miss Little Lady SOOO much and she also misses us so much. And I worry that even when we get to come home...which we really don't know when that will be...if Elijah still needs so much attention she's still going to be feeling lonely. I am torn and heartbroken over this.
Here is an update on Elijah today:
He is still in NICU but he has started to feed quite well and they are hoping over night to slowly take him off IV.
He still sounds pretty terrible but they are hoping that will improve as he recovers from surgery. Although unless the vocal cords completely heal he will sounds terrible for quite awhile.
He still has a bit of trouble with oxygen. It is much better than before surgery but he does still desaturate when upset. I hate this.
Here are our prayer requests today:
Rest for us all. I have to go into NICU to feed him every couple of hours so it is very exhausting but hopefully the sleep in between will be good.
For Alliana. She is missing us and we are missing her.
For Elijah to be able to come off IV and be sounding MUCH better by morning.
For Elijahs de-sat's to be significantly better so that even though he may cry he will not turn blue or need intervention.
For us to be able to come home soon and hopefully with a healthy baby that we dont feel too worried about
For peace and balance....if these are possible.

Things you can do to help:
Some of you have been offering your help so besides praying like crazy and all the encouraging notes you have been sending (hugely appreciated by the way...we especially take comfort in the verses and songs people have left), here are a few other things:
-Anything to help Alliana out. Things that make her feel special in any way. Helping us be able to do things with her or doing stuff with her or whatever way that works out. We want her to know she is not forgotten in this time.
-We would appreciate any help with keeping our life organized. Food, light cleaning, whatever.

Thanks again for all prayers and support. We feel it and it means the world.

God is our Salvation

2009-06-04T08:35:00.002-05:00

Yesterday a number of people sent me this verse from Zephaniah.

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17

I held on to this verse desperately all day yesterday. It was one of the worst and in some ways best days of my life and it didn't end until about 1:30 this morning.

First of all praise God that he IS mighty to save and that once again he saved Elijah. Yesterday was horrible as Elijah seemed almost worse in the morning and then minutes before I was about to feed him, he had not fed for two hours, the doctors told us we couldn't feed him because he would have to go into surgery in a couple of hours and needed to be NPO (no food). We were furious because being hungry is what sets Elijah off into his episodes of loosing oxygen and the hospital had already done this to us a number of times where we were told we couldn't feed him because they wanted to do test and then they ended up not being able to do tests anyway because he cried to hard and had to get oxygen. It is one of the most horrible sights in the world to watch your baby turn blue and need oxygen...especially when you feel like if you had just been able to feed him or keep him calm he would have been ok. Anyway, we had already thought we had promises from the hospital that they would not do that again. That if he needed to be NPO they would tell us in enough time to feed him one last good feeding before hand so he was as topped up as possible. So of course Elijah was upset right from the beginning and we had to fight like mad to get them to give him an IV and sucrose to help buy him off while we waited for surgery. At first we were told that he would have the surgery at 3:30. It came and went. Then we were told maybe 4:00. Then 5:30. I rocked Elijah and sang the same song to him over and over for SIX hours to keep him from desaturizing. Then at six they told us that No....they couldn't do the surgery yet...they couldn't even gaurantee it would be that day. We could wait til 7:30 and then they would call us and let us know if it might happen that day...still no gaurantees and if it didn't happen...or we decided to feed him...the wait was going to happen all over again today. Prince Charming and I both knew that neither Elijah or I could handle going through that day again so we fought and pushed and made phone calls and harped on nurses for promises. FINALLY they told us that they would make it happen that night. But it was still a waiting game...even when we were almost ready to go to OR they called and said...wait some more. It was excruciating. In the mean time Elijah ripped his IV out and bled all over Prince Charming and had to get it put in AGAIN....when he was already upset from not eating in hours. We hadn't eaten either and were really about to snap. Finally at 10:10 we left Elijah in the OR. Just minutes before his exact one week birthday. I can not begin to tell you how horrible it is to walk away from your child and he is hooked up to a million machines and you know he is going into surgery. I have never been more terrified.
Then we waited. Finally after about 11:30 we heard a baby come through the doors into the NICU. It sounded strangled and horse but it was crying full force. It was our son. He was not intubated as we had feared and been told would probably happen. He was crying. Prince Charming said he had never loved the sound of a baby crying so much. Not only was he crying but he was WAILING and had been for awhile and he wasn't even turning blue! After we kissed him hello they took him to get set up in NICU and the surgeon came to talk to us. Mostly we recieved good news...some wasn't as good as we hoped but bottom line was good news.
First Elijah had Laryngo Malasia (sorry probably not spelled right), or a webbing holding down the voice box which meant his airway was very narrowed. They were able to correct this by cutting the web. they showed us pictures and it really opened up the airway a lot.
Second, Elijah has a paralyzed left vocal chord. Now this is the kind of bad news since there is nothing they can do to fix it. However, it isn't neccessarily paralyzed forever...the nerves may heal and he may get function back. This is what we are praying for. Either way though, the surgeon reassured us that at SOME point the other vocal chords would compensate enough that that one vocal chord would not collapse his airway as much and he would be compeltely normal. Able to cry, sing, play sports, everything a normal boy would do without any trouble. It just might take time. The surgeon reassured us that when he is older we will be able to say "Oh yeah, we remember you had all that trouble breathing when you were born but you're fine now." Also they reassured us that even when he does cry so hard that he looses oxygen...worst case scenario he passes out and the airway reopens and he can breath again. This is a huge reassurance to us. Also reassuring was that he cried for a LONG time and his oxygen only dipped into the 70's. Which was WAY better than before when he would dip into the 40's fairly quickly and need to have oxygen. If he can cry like that right after surgery with all the swelling and soreness we hope this means that once he recovers from surgery he will be strong enough to go home.
Basically now it's a waiting game. Here are our prayer requests for this part of the journey:
That Elijah will recover very quickly from surgery. That the swelling will go down, the sore throat will go away, the cuts will heal well and not scar, and he will be able to eat and make noise very soon without pain or sounding so horse.
That once Elijah recovers from surgery he will no longer desaturate so low when crying and will be able to come home. Hopefully this only takes a day or two. This is our prayer.
That Elijah's vocal chord will heal and not stay paralyzed. Hopefully now that it has room it will heal. If not we pray that the other ones will VERY quickly learn to compensate so that he can be normal and healthy.
That we would have health, energy and strength to continue to this journey and that hopefully it will be over sooner rather than later.
That Alliana will feel loved and special even though we will still be gone a lot.
That we can all be a family at home soon.

Thank you SO much for all your prayers and support. God is mighty to save! Thank you for praying!

Update

2009-06-03T06:23:00.003-05:00

Our baby boy is a week old today! We are hoping this is the day we get some answers. Elijah is now scheduled for surgery sometime this week. We are hoping he gets it today but we have no gaurantees on when because quite a few things have to all line up. A bed must be available in NICU in case something goes wrong in surgery. A spot must open up in the operating room. Elijah needs to be in a good condition and well rested and fed.

The surgery is called some kind of scope....we have been getting too many words to know the exact one right now. It's to much at once. They are looking mainly for two things but there could be a whole HANDFUL of things that it could be. They are mostly looking for an anterior glottic web or a layngo malacia.

Here are our hopes and prayers:
That Elijah will have had a good night this last night with no episodes.
That today will be an episode free day allowing Elijah all the rest and feeding possible.
That a spot will open up so we can have the surgery sooner rather than later.
That the surgery will go amazingly smoothly. There are so many things that can go wrong that at first I was in complete shock and panic after talking to the doctors. It is so terrifying to let them put your baby to sleep, to cut them, to do all those terrible things on your newborn. Please pray that the doctors have smooth skilled hands, easily find what they are looking for and make absolutely no mistakes. Pray that Elijah will come out of surgery easily and will not have any complications.
Pray that they will find what they are looking for, hopefully a web because then they can immediately do the surgery and hopefully if all goes well and he has no episodes after we can take him home in a few days. Please pray that this will be the case.
Pray that they easily fix his problem.
Pray that he recovers incredibly quickly with no complications and has no trouble breathing or eating after surgery.
Pray that he will no longer have oxygen desaturations after surgery.
Pray that the surgery will be what he needs to correct his problem and that he can come home in a couple of days a very healthy happy baby boy.
Pray for our daughter who is lonely for us and missing her brother.
Pray for our nerves and they are fried completely.
Pray for our health as I am getting a little sick and Little Lady still has a cold.
Pray for Ernest's school as until this is worked out he will be missing classes and therefore may fail the semester.
PRAY THAT OUR BABY BOY WILL PULL THROUGH THIS SURGERY AND COME OUT A HEALTHY NEWBORN THAT WE CAN HAVE IN OUR HOME!!!!

Thank you for all your prayer and support.

update

2009-06-01T22:02:00.002-05:00

this will be neither brilliant or well thought out. i have no brain or energy for either. But I wanted to get an update out.

First the good news:
Our son, Elijah Orion Ernest was born on Wednesday, May 27th at 8 pounds 14 ounces, 21 1/4 inches.
Elijah means God is My Salvation. God saved him at his birth when the cord was around his neck and he was not breathing. He also saved him in utero.
Orion was chosen for it's significance in our relationship (prince charming and I). See some past posts if you don't know the story.
Ernest is after his daddy.
We are all in love with him.

Now the bad news:
Elijah is not healthy. Although he breastfeeds fairly well and was born at a good weight and only a week early there has been something wrong with his breathing since birth. He turns blue quickly when upset and looses oxygen. Initially it was thought it was because of the cord and some other complications during delivery and thought it would remedy itself within 24-48 hours. By Saturday it had not rememdied and I was discharged from hospital while he was transfered to an intermediate care nursery at a hospital in our city. He is still there and we have no idea when...and sometimes we are afraid if.....we will take him home. His oxygen levels in his blood desaturate very quickly when he gets even a little upset. He turns blue and sometimes needs to go on oxygen to recover. They have yet to figure out why and until they know, can fix it, or it heals itself we will continue to be in hospital. So far they have ruled out heart defects and any obvious lung and throat defects. They are doing a burium test tomorrow to see if it is feeding related and possibly a scope of his lungs after that. This is a scary one since it is surgery and he will be sedated, etc. Everything is scary. We are terrified, tired, completely run down. We have no answers and it is HORRIBLE to watch your baby turn blue everytime he cries. I feel like I am on egg shells around him. I am so drained and depressed I can hardly function at times. I cry all the time.

Here are our prayer requests:
Elijah's health. That he will be healed of this quickly and without further intervention. If that it not possible then that we would get a definite diagnosis quickly, that it would be something minor and would not need major intervention. That we could bring him home SOON...a healthy boy.
Our health. Little Lady has a cold and my husband and I are both run down beyond belief. I am still recovering from birth and I am starting to experience some pretty strong post pardum.
Little Lady. She is so lonely. She misses us so much and can not understand why baby brother has not come home yet. She cries a lot and or acts up. She asks me everytime she sees me why I haven't brought baby brother home yet or why I left him at the hospital. She sees we are stressed too and it makes her stressed. It's so hard to watch.
My husbands school. He is finishing a semester but has missed classes since our boys birth and we're not sure what will happen. This is our liveliehood right now and we may be loosing even that. We really need things to calm down so that he can continue school.
Finances. Obviously there are a lot of extra expenses right now. We are not working and we are also not going to school. We are just in hospital and trying to juggle that and our daughter. We really need things to calm down.
Balance. We dont know how to balance being with the baby, being with our daughter, taking care of bills, school, house, food, etc. We are having a lot of help from my family but everyone is stretched to the limit. It's so hard.

Been a long time...

2009-05-20T15:18:00.003-05:00

I just realized it's been almost a month since I last posted! So much has been going on but my mind has been almost as exhausted as my body and I haven't managed to make up anything very post worthy. Here is a brief update on us anyway:
-In between baby preparations of setting up a nursery, stocking my fridge, and scrubbing my house we were also shopping for and bought a brand new vehicle to accommodate baby and also to get rid of our car before it completely fell apart on us. I found vehicle shopping extremely stressful and am relieved to be done with this particular purchase. I am also extremely grateful for the vehicle we ended up with and thankful for the incredible deal we were able to get.
-The baby, like Spring around here, keeps pretending to come but refuses to actually show up. For the last month I have had contractions, pressure, and extreme pelvic and hip pain that keeps me awake many nights and has resulted in my body being completely worn out and exhausted. I had many false starts to labour with my daughter as well but I didn't have the pelvic pain or the third trimester feeling sick which are both almost unbearable at times. I have found this extremely frustrating.
-I have also been busy with my involvement in the start up of a new youth drop in center in my home town. This is a project I am extremely passionate about and I have enjoyed sitting on this board immensely.
-Little Lady has been a little more whiny and clingy lately and I think at last she is beginning to catch on that soon she will not be our only baby. Recently she said that her Nanna and Pappa could keep the baby in it's car seat once it was born and we could keep her. She is still generally very excited about baby's arrival but seems to need our reassurance about our relationship with her quite often. As a result I have tried to do at least one thing almost every day that is special, totally focused, just Little Lady and mommy time. Often it's a craft because she LOVES to do anything artistic but sometimes it's cooking, shopping or a walk to the park. Sometimes we make a tent in the living room or snuggle up to watch a movie. She seems to really soak up these moments and I'm hoping it will help her adjust.
-Little Lady is also learning new things at lightening speed. We recently discovered she knows her right from her left, her birthday, and is catching on to the days of the week. She also knows many of her letters as far as recognizing and even writing a few of them. Sometimes I feel like my little baby just disappeared one night.
-Prince Charming and I were able to spend a weekend just the two of us recently including a nights stay at the hotel where we spent our first night together. We also went out to eat and saw two movies in the theatre, things we will not be able to do for quite awhile after baby arrives.
-I scored two beautiful brunches for mother's day and was truly pampered. Little Lady somehow got the idea that she wanted to buy me a purple purse for mothers day and insisted her and daddy scour the mall for one. I probably won't get a lot of use out of the one she picked...being that it's plastic and has a sesame street character on it :o)....but I was so impressed that she thought of a gift all by herself!
That is just a quick glimpse into our lives lately. I'm sure I'll write more again soon but my brain really hardly functions for the moment.

The downside of discipline

2009-04-22T15:53:00.002-05:00

Since we have been shopping for a new vehicle on top of being busy with baby prep and Dr. appointments Little Lady has had to be extra cooperative and accommodating as she has been carted from car to car, building to building. She has done extremely well with the situation but the other night on the way home from a particularly long day of appointments and almost no play time she was beginning to be....well...two. Testing our patience by teasing, talking non-stop, and prancing around at a frantic pace.
On the way out to our vehicle to finally return home for the evening she decided to test her limits a little further and rather than wait patiently for daddy to put her in her car seat...run away. She didn't get very far before I caught her but in the process of distracting both parents a balloon she had received from a dealership earlier that day escaped from the car and was whipped away by the wind.
Immediately she began begging for the balloon back. Of course, neither Prince Charming nor I are The Incredible's and though we have many abilities...none of them are superhuman enough to catch a helium balloon on a windy day. On top of that we are pretty paranoid parents when it comes to traffic or parking lots. We've seen too many accidents to let a toddler take off on their own whims when cars are around. Little Lady knows that she is always supposed to hold our hands when walking anywhere around cars. She also knows that if our hands are full she is supposed to stand right beside us and wait while we unlock the doors and put things in the car so we can secure her in her car seat. So when the balloon decided to say goodbye we explained to her that this was an example of what happens when someone doesn't listen. If you don't follow the rules accidents happen and sometimes the consequences of our actions can't be undone.
Immediately she burst into heart broken tears and begged that she would do better next time so could we please get her balloon back. At first I didn't find it too difficult to reiterate our earlier explanation. "This is what happens when you don't listen." etc. But as the evening wore on and even once she was in bed she would still suddenly burst into tears crying,
"Oh Mommy...I REALLY wanted that balloon!"
I found myself struggling significantly more every second. All I wanted to do was get back that balloon, or give her another...or even bribe her with another treat. Anything to stop her little heart from breaking. Suddenly I understood parents, especially of teens, who never seem to allow their kids to suffer any consequences. Often I've seen a kid write off a car or break a toy because they were handling a situation badly only to see their parents give them a little lecture before abruptly buying them a new one. I've seen kids miss events or activities because they were careless with time or information only to see their parents passionately pursue every effort to make that opportunity possible for their child...even though it was the child's own fault in the first place. When watching other parents I often wonder why they don't allow their children to suffer a consequence now and then. How will they ever learn if mommy and daddy are always there to erase the mess?
But when I saw the heartbreak a simple balloon could cause when it blew away...I suddenly understood all those other parents and immediately took back every judgement I ever made. I didn't get her another balloon or buy her off with something else but I can tell you it was a battle. I DID hold her and hug her and tell her I understood her disappointment. I DID tell her that there would be other balloons and remind her that she was much more special than a balloon which is why I wanted her to listen so she too wouldn't get lost. I DID give her an abundance of hugs and kisses to calm those tears.
I can tell you now that sometimes discipline sucks. Sometimes having to allow natural consequences for your kids is just plain miserable. I still think that in order to learn we all have to suffer some fall out from our actions...but I'm telling you...if I could have brought that balloon back...I probably would have.

Vocabulary lessons

2009-04-20T16:44:00.004-05:00

The other evening Little Lady asked me

"Mommy, would you please get me an orange when I wake up in the morning? Do you think you would be able to do that? Might that be possible?"

I almost burst out laughing. Where does she learn to use these words or to phrase things in such a proper manner?

Another evening Prince Charming was giving her a bath when I heard a gigantic crash from the bathroom. One of her toys, filled with water, and fallen on the floor of the bathroom. A moment later I hear the Little Lady say,

"Apparently there is water ALL....OVER...the floor."

I often hear words like supposedly, apparently, or possibly. Instead of too she'll say "as well" or "also". Sometimes I hear awesome. Usually the words she uses are much bigger than needed. I hear adjectives and nouns and pronouns that sound absolutely hilarious coming from the mouth of a two year old.

Apparently...she listens well!

Home Spa

2009-04-20T16:33:00.002-05:00

I love that I have a little girl! I don't know where she picks up her ideas but I just got totally pampered. We were playing in her room and she suddenly suggested she give me a massage. She proceeded to spend quite a significant amount of time working on my neck, shoulders, back and arms, complete with a variety of pretend lotions! She alternated between being a masseuse and a "tiro-prator" (chiropractor) at which point she would push on areas or gently move them and then tell me "There. Now that will feel better." After my magnificent massage I also got a manicure which included a hand massage and "oil" being rubbed into each cuticle followed by a little "dryer" being put over each nail to complete it. I don't think she has ever seen a manicure being done before so I don't know where she picked up these pampering tips! Afterwards she gave me a mini-facial which included some kind of special "eye drops". Again, no idea where she came up with that since neither myself or my husband even wear contacts. The only time I can think of that she's ever known of anything being put in eyes was over a year ago when she had an eye infection and had to have drops. Is it possible she still remembers that?

Anyway, it's funny, of course my little fashionista has no idea what she is doing...but it actually feels pretty fabulous when she plays with my hair or pretends we're at the spa. I actually felt extremely refreshed!

say what?

2009-04-13T15:17:00.003-05:00

We are driving in our car on the way to run a few errands when I mention to Prince Charming that maybe today would be a good time to go check out some old vans since our car continues to give us trouble and will be quite small once we have two kids to cart around.

Suddenly from the back seat I hear....
"No Mommy. I don't want to go look at old mans!"

I turn around, "What?"

"I don't want to go look at old mans. Not old ladies either. Maybe tomorrow. Let's just go for ice cream. We can go look at old mans and old ladies tomorrow."

Daddy's Most Embaressing Moment

2009-04-06T15:32:00.003-05:00

Prince Charming was cleaning the bathroom when he accidentally spilled some water on his pants in the exact location he may have been wet had he had a washroom mishap. As he turned around he saw Little Lady stare at him in horror.

"Daddy did you have an accident?"

Prince Charming began to say "Sort of..." but before he could come to a full explanation Little Lady interrupted with...

"I'm telling mommy!" And proceeded to pound up the stairs where she told me that Daddy had peed in his pants!

Two days later we were eating a leisurely family lunch with my elderly grandparents, my mother, and two Aunts when Little Lady decided to make an announcement out of the blue.

"Daddy had an accident." She stated seriously.

" What kind of accident?" Asked an Aunt.

"In his pants."

laughter begins to bubble up....

"What did he do?"

"He peed himself in his pants. That is bad."

A lot of laughter! No secrets in town when you have a toddler!

P.S. On a slightly related note...Little Lady has now, on several occasions, gone to the potty completely without parental help. Including deciding when to go, getting on, pulling off the clothes, wiping, flushing, and getting dressed again without any help. It's nice to know that we are occasionally making progress on the potty front!

Pregnancy is no piece of cake...but it's twice the calories :o(

2009-04-06T15:10:00.004-05:00

I can't believe the daily growth of this belly. Constant discomfort, ligament pain, and pregnancy insomnia don't make for an extremely exuberant mommy. However, this last week was the closest I have come in quite a long time to re-charging of the baby making battery. Prince Charming was able to take Spring Break from University and we spent the entire week enjoying being back in our home town and experiencing the pampering of grandparents. Little Lady loved having Nanna and Pappa around for a whole week and has had quite a hard time adjusting to being back in a house with only a very slow moving mamma. I was able to re-connect with an old friend from high school as well as start some sewing on a baby blanket, attend a board meeting, and just do some general activities that felt "normal" for once. Having all those extra hands around to entertain Little Lady helped me relax a lot. I am incredibly lucky to have such a loving family. Although returning to the school routine is a bit rough I do feel quite re-charged and thankfully this is shaping up to be an interesting (if not a little busy), bright, sunny and thankfully short week.
On the weekend our family car broke down and we were facing a major repair and another financial setback but thankfully after some calls and quotes we were able to find a dealership that will do it for about half of what we expected. Still a lot considering we don't really have $500 to put into a car that we really don't even want to keep since it will be quite small once we have two. But it's better than we initially anticipated.
Little Lady started swimming lessons today and loved it! She enjoyed the songs, splashing and sliding and can't wait to return next week.
Tomorrow I have another doctors appointment plus we will be trying to perhaps accomplish a few more baby related tasks. Thanks to a gift card from my parents we were able to buy the new crib mattress we needed (Little Lady uses the old one in her toddler bed) and were able to get the crib set up over Spring Break. Just having the room semi-set up has helped me to feel that much less stressed about preparation. Funny how those little things make so much difference.
Thursday night we will already be heading back up to my parents for Easter weekend which will make this a short week and therefore make easing back into this routine a lot easier.
Now if only there was a magic wand I could wave to make life, and this pregnancy, a piece of cake....without the calories.

These boots are made for walking...

2009-03-25T15:10:00.005-05:00

Once upon a time, not to long ago, a tiny Little Lady discovered the "Love of Boots". Beautiful baby boots, luxurious leather boots, ravishing rubber boots, clunky, chunky, and funky boots. Boots! Whenever her mommy would take her to the mall she would stare in wide eyed wonder at the shoe stores stacked wall to wall with these awe-inspiring inventions. If she should be so lucky as to acquire a new pair of these precious treasures for her tiny toes she would hold onto the box as if it bore her most prized possession.

You see, this Little Lady had a love of all things lady-like. From lace to long dresses, hair clips to heels, her favourite things included anything fancy. But boots...oh boots! Boots were even better because a Little Lady needs no assistance in dawning this particular article of apparel. At any time Little Lady could trade her boots for a better pair without needing patience to wait for a parent. Dressing up is always better when one can design their own look. To a young Lady of two a tea party is twice as nice when she can arrive in a style all her own.

One particular Spring Day Little Lady was preparing to host a spectacular tea for her two favourite teddy's. Her bunny and her favourite baby were already dressed in dazzling designs, the table was set, and the tea was being prepared at the perfect temperature. All that was left was for Little Lady to dawn her own crazy-enough-to-be-brilliant creation and do a quick tidy before tea time. After picking out the precise pink selection she'd had her eye on from her stash of stylish costumes and securing a pair of perfectly pretty wings (because who can go to tea without a touch of fancy fairy dust?) all that was left was to put her feet into a beautiful pair of rubber boots.

However, after five minutes of fussing and fiddling her one foot was still not secured in the brand new boot.

"This boot is driving me TWAZY!" exclaimed the Little Lady.

With a drawn out sigh and a shake of her head she plunged her foot in for a final try. At last the boot fit!

The day was saved! She had just enough time for a final sweep!

Angels Anonymous

2009-03-19T12:30:00.002-05:00

Somewhere out there is a special someone who deserves the seat of honour at Angels Anonymous.
As those of you who read my rants regularly are aware, times have been a bit tough lately. I so often feel overwhelmed, overtired, and just plain over my limit. After sharing my struggles with some friends and family as well as my amazing church I have felt a bit better this past week but although emotionally I have felt some comfort, circumstances have not changed. However, I have been in awe how God has shown me several times this week that he offers me his grace when I cannot get by on my own. There has been warm sunshine, a friend to keep me company on a lonely evening, and a call from a public health nurse in our new neighbourhood offering support and some ideas for coping in the coming months. But today I was blessed even beyond all of that.
I awoke after another very interrupted night (I have not been sleeping well with baby bouncing on my bladder and just being this gigantic lump in general) and although I was excited by the prospect of going home today for a Youth Drop-In meeting and a few days with family I also found my hormones were on high alert and I simply couldn't shake the slump I felt. Despite trying to see the positive points of my day (and night, Little Lady woke up only once to pee, made it to the potty, and stayed dry all night!) I found my head full of worries anyway.
Then as I was preparing Little Lady's lunch I heard the post man at my mailbox. Although the only mail we usually get are bills or addressed to previous tenants I decided to check anyway. There in the mailbox was God's hug for me today. In the form of an anonymous letter from an anonymous angel were two gift certificates, one for Starbucks and one for Safeway along with the following verses, John 14 and Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
Whoever you are I want you to know that today you were God with skin on to someone. Today you brought a bunch of sunshine into my life and it was like God said to me, "I am here. I care. Here is your grace to get through another day." You have been a great blessing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope that someday you are repaid for your generous gift!

Potty Training Tricks

2009-03-17T15:27:00.004-05:00

Does anyone have any terrific little tips or tricks to try when it comes to potty training? We've got the day time pretty down (except for the occasional accident due to random bouts of stubbornness or forgetfulness on Little Lady's part but these are minimal and I think will just take time to work themselves out) but as of last night we are officially pull-up free forever. Last night went well, better than I expected, but I am interested to know if anyone has any ideas that worked especially well when making that transition in their homes? Again I think we made the msitake of waiting just a little too long to try this transition, as she was fully ready quite awhile ago already but I was afraid to try both day and night at once and allowed her to continue the dependence on diapers or pull-ups instead of panties. Hopefully this transition doesn't take as long to re-train as the day time potty training did. Anyway, any advice would be more than welcome! And remember, it needs to be something that will work with a two-and-a-half year old!

Journey

2009-03-05T20:47:00.003-06:00

This evening after spending time in personal reflection, devotions, and trying to find ways to focus on the positive...even if those positives occurred in the past...I feel a little bit better. There have been no simple solutions to any of my current stresses and I'm not exactly expecting them. But tonight I feel like I'm at least seeing sun somewhere.

In devotions tonight I was for some reason reminded of the movie "Evan Almighty". What did he pray for again? Patience? Anyway God asks him "How do you think you get to be patient? By being in situations that test your patience." And I realized something, yes, these last few months have been really hard and no, I'm not expecting the next several months will be all that much better....but I AM learning patience, hope and humility in a way I certainly wouldn't have had my family continued to be comfortable where we were, living the status quo. I have spent a lot more time in prayer and just simply spending time with God than I have in quite a long time. It hasn't erased everything that has been happening....but it has given me glimpses of hope and a better understanding of a lot of issues.

Then tonight I was reading a book by Brennan Manning. The chapter I happened to be on was entitled "Celebrate the Darkness". Basically the chapter was on exactly the same theory as "Evan Almighty". Here is a small excerpt, "What is humility? It is the stark realization and acceptance of the fact that I am totally dependent upon God's love and mercy. Humility is not caught by repeating pious phrases; it is accomplished by the hand of God. It is Job on the dunghill all over again as God reminds us that HE is our only true hope."

I'm not saying this has suddenly given me all the answers. I am still struggling and I suspect I will for some time. I also think I probably will talk to my doctor or maybe someone else about setting up some more support before this baby arrives. But I realize that life is not a destination, but a journey. Sometimes you are standing in the sun, sometimes you are sloshing through the slums. It's not punishment and it's not perfect but it's life. And maybe I'm even learning a little along the way.

Confessional

2009-03-05T15:54:00.003-06:00

The only way I can imagine blogging this week is to come right out with a confessional. I am not currently on the mark for mother of the year. I am battling baby blues before the baby has even made it's entrance. And I know there are far worse situations than mine but I cannot currently muster the strength to do much of anything else but sulk.

I want to talk to someone but feel sick of speaking with anyone. I feel trapped in my house but haven't got the slightest motivation to get up off my butt and move from it. Somedays all I do is some basic tidying, a few hours on the computer while Little Lady naps beside me on the bed, and sit on the floor and pretend to play with my daughter. I don't even cook very nutritional meals. We have basically eaten leftovers and hodge podge meals every night this week.

This has been pushing itself forward for the last few months but seems to be spilling over the edges of my emotions a little more everyday. I'm not sleeping well with this baby bump. I'm tired of being alone almost all the time and hardly ever seeing my husband. My heart breaks almost daily for my Little Lady who misses her daddy. While her snuggly mood stemming from insecurity is heartbreaking and sweet I am also sick of her hyper, craziness being all I encounter day in and day out...with a few extra tantrums thrown in. Sometimes it feels like all I do is snap at her. I feel guilty for this. I worry about how I will mother another one. I am afraid I won't have enough time for two when I am only one parent at home most of the time. I am afraid of the post-partum that I battled when I had my first baby and worried that it will be back. Finances are a huge fear. And I am beginning to worry about the fact that this baby is only about another 8 to ten weeks away and I have absolutely nothing prepared and unless we can sell a few items or get a big tax return...nothing will be. I feel bad about the meals I am making but don't have the motivation to grocery shop because it feels like a monumental effort when I do only to see "Insufficient funds" flash before me over a few measly no-name groceries. I hate where I live and I hate this life. I want to go back to my own house with a husband who was actually home and a paycheck that actually covered all our expenses...and a lot of extras. I feel guilty for feeling this way because I so badly want my husband to have the opportunity to follow his dreams.

This is my confessional. Maybe the mental cleansing will bring clearer sky's tomorrow.

Steps towards School

2009-02-25T13:55:00.003-06:00

For the first time the other day I began to fear the first day of school. You hear the stories or moms sending their sons and daughters off to that daunting first day of kindergarten and then getting back in their cars and crying all the way home. I used to find those tales just a little bit humorous. How could they possibly be crying when I would feel like a party was in order? As much as I love my kid and want to keep her cuddled up in my safe little cuccoon...I sure wouldn't mind a few moments of freedom. That is, until I realized just how close I am to facing that reality.

In the last couple of months I have been repeatedly blown away by the rate at which Little Lady is learning. She recognizes many letters in her books and has most of them memorized. She can understand some fairly complex emotional concepts. And she can usually count objects fairly accurately. It seems like rarely a week will pass without me wondering how my not quite two and a half year old can come up with these things. Especially when I feel that I do so little in the way of actually teaching the little tyke. In fact, the other day at a moms group several of the ladies asked me how it was possible that my daughter was speaking so clearly and using such advanced language at her age. Had I spent a lot of time talking to her and reading to her as a baby? Did I constantly converse with the child and work on word skills? My answer was a very emphatic and somewhat guilty, no. When Little Lady was a baby I often felt incredibly bad about the fact that I just didn't feel comfortable talking to a baby that starred blankly back at me.I hardly ever talked to her except for the basics and the occasional times that I would get out books. So you see, it has nothing to do with me that my daughter is apparently smart. Poor kid, imagine where she could be if she had the kind of mother who actually worked on all those things with her!?

Anyway, driving by a school the other day it suddenly hit me. It won't be long before I will be sending my baby into one of those so called institutes of learning. I nearly passed out from a panic attack! What if she has a terrible teacher? What if the other kids are horrible and mean? What if she is horrible and mean? (I am the first to admit that even the gentlest toddlers can become teenage girls who are absolute and utter terrors). Suddenly it all seemed very scary.

Then today she took another step towards school. While I was tidying up upstairs she told me she was "Going to school. I have class." And proceeded to go downstairs and play. This is something she has never done before because she is very much a mommy's girl and only recently even began playing in her bedroom alone, never mind venturing into the basement by herself. A little while later when I went to check on her I was surprised at what I saw.

She actually was pretending to be in school. Something I have never showed her. She had pulled out a pile of educational toys (we have them because I sell them....not because I actually ever use them with her except for on very rare occasions) and had figured almost all of them out! Spread across the floor were flash cards where she had matched coloured objects, shapes of objects, and adding objects. Each card filled out completely correctly!

As proud as I am of the progress she is making I felt a pang as I realized how quickly my Little Lady has become not so little anymore. Sure she still is a snuggler who can be glued to me at the hip and has yet to outgrow her attachment to my breast as well. And she isn't all academic either, in fact at this moment she is picking through a pile of purses while applying layers of pretend make-up before taking her baby's "out for a walk up town to go shopping." But bit by bit she is gaining her independence and stretching those gossamere wings. Before I know it she'll be a full grown butterfly ready to leave my little cuccoon and test out the freedom of flight. I will be the one sitting in my car crying as I watch my daughter dance up the school steps. And suddenly I understand why those mothers are sad.

About Me....

2009-02-06T17:36:00.009-06:00

So people keep putting my name on these note things so I figured I'd fill it out on my blog instead of on facebook. Actually, normally I wouldn't take the time to do these at all but since I'm lying in bed sick...AGAIN...I figured there wasn't a lot of other ways to fill my time.

One Word Answers

One word answer...Type only ONE word answers.
Where is your cell phone?....... bed
Your hair? ..........head
Your father? ........home....oh wait...are these not all supposed to be "where" answers? lol
Your favorite thing? ..........jewelry
Your dream last night?......scary
Your favorite drink? ..........silver cloud
Your dream/goal? ...........actress/teacher
The room you are in? ......bedroom
Your fear? ......... alone
Where do you want to be in 6 years? ..... beach
Muffins? .............Saskatoon
One of your wish list items?.........car
Where you grew up?.......everywhere
The last thing you did? .......movie
What are you wearing?.......clothes
Your TV?..........non-existent
Your pets? ..........none
Your computer? .....downstairs
Your life? ....blessed
Your mood? .........ho-hum
Missing someone? .......Erika
Your car? .......old
Favorite store?....All
Your summer? .......baby
Your favorite color? ........pink
When is the last time you laughed? ......night
Last time you cried? .......movie
Three people who email me? ....husband,sobeys, superstore
Three of my favorite foods? .......chips,Italian, berries
Three places I would rather be right now? .....California, Hawaii, Bahamas

25 Random Things About Me
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.
1. I hate cats
2. I detest body hair but don't have the time or money to keep removing all of it. If I did I would have a body like my daughters.
3. In my fantasy world I would have a spa in my house and have treatments done daily. As it is I can't even keep nail-polish on my nails.
4. I adore music. My i-pod has playlists that include everything from alternative to classical, country to rap, and even some completely random non-category music. I have kids playlists, funny mood playlists, and even have one for funeral songs. I express my emotions best through music.
5. On Valentine's Day it will be 5 years since I married my amazing husband. I can honestly say I am more in love today than even then.
6. This past January 22nd it was 6 years since my husband asked me to be his girlfriend by writing a play that he had my theatre director have our troupe perform.
7. I (almost) believe in love at first sight and definitely believe in love at first "meet". The first time I actually met my husband...it was magic.
8. Sometimes I think I have a movie romance.
9. I adore a good romantic movie. I have a personal goal of collecting as many as possible. I am working on watching all the classics. My favourite TV series' is Friends and Full House. I have all of friends and am working on Full House. I can't wait til my daughter is old enough to watch Mary Kate and Ashley movies with me so I have an excuse for my weakness!
10. I love to bake and decorate cakes
11. I have been to every province and territory in Canada except for Newfoundland and Nunavut. I have been to about 27 states(pretty much all the middle ones and almost none of the East or West coast), Alaska and Hawaii. I have been to the Dominican, Belize, Italy, Germany, Sicily, Greece, Crete, and Turkey.
12. My favourite chips are plain old regular chips. They are my biggest food craving weakness. I could probably live off of regular chips, crackers, cheese, popcorn, and berries. With the occasional pizza, Ceasar salad, and decadent dessert thrown in!
13. I have a serious fear of popping balloons. I don't even like to let my daughter have them to play with. I think it stems from my fear of guns. They are also a terrible choking hazard.
14. I adore my husband and kids. They are my whole life. I can pretty much never get enough quality time. It's my biggest love language.
15. Even with friends, I'd rather be one on one having quality time than hanging out in a big group.
16. I am extremely sensitive and internalize everything. I can't watch movies (or tv or commercials) with violence. I detest hunting or killing anything. I cry in most movies, even the occasional disney. I even cry for sappy commercials. I used to want to be a counsellor but I usually cry over other people's problems too and just found it way to emotionally draining to do that all day everyday.
17. I love to scrapbook but never have time.
18. In high school I once vacuumed my bedroom 12 times in one night. I used to be quite obsessive compulsive but since getting married and having kids I just don't have the energy anymore! I still am a neat freak internally and in my fantasy world I would have a maid who cleaned 24-7.
19. ....She would also cook. I love baking but basically hate cooking.
20. I am a shopaholic. In my fantasy world I would have lots of money to buy all the things I wanted all the time. In my fantasy world I would likely wear a lot of Valentino.
21. I love working with teenagers. In fact, usually the more crazy they seem to other people the more I love them. Sometimes when I see teenagers walking down the street in their hoodies and black hair and everything I just want to jump out of my car and go hug them.
22. My church is my re-fueling point every week. I wouldn't make it without their support and the grace of God.
23. I am a complete girly girl. Flowers make me swoon and totally brighten my day. Gifts of jewelry make me cry (happy tears). And a box of chocolates makes me very very happy.
24. I hate being pregnant but LOVE my children. I have miserable pregnancy's and will probably not do it again. When I was delivering my daughter I actually screamed at the nurse, "Anyone who does this more than once is STUPID!" Lol.....
25. The craziest and most out of character things I have ever done include the following: Collecting Chicken eggs, going crocodile hunting in the pitch dark, and deep sea fishing.

Our little Miracle

2009-02-06T12:04:00.001-06:00

My Little Miracle

2009-02-05T20:43:00.002-06:00

"woosh, woosh, woosh" The sound of different babies beating hearts whirls around me as I walk down the corridor towards the waiting room. I want to stop and stand in silence, to soak up the sound that echoes around me, testament to the miracle of life. Like a whisper of hope, of another world, of an amazing and wonderful creator. I listen to the lullaby of baby's hearts beating through the hallway and wonder how anyone can hear a babies heart beat and not marvel at the miracle of life.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14
We had our second fetal assessment today. Perhaps because the possibilities felt less frightening this time around I was able to soak up the experience and for some reason found it incredibly moving. I allowed myself to feel swept away by the beautiful sound of little beating hearts that could be heard throughout the halls. I marveled as I watched my miracle baby move around inside me. Kicking, squirming, and bouncing as baby hands flailed in front of a beautiful baby face. I found my eyes welling up with tears of wonder as I watched my baby's eyes open and close and counted five little fingers curl and uncurl on a feisty little fist. My children are both blessings sent straight from heaven, each with their own special story. As I contemplated this throughout my day I felt happier and more content than I have in weeks. Our life in the last little while has been difficult and I have often found my days dreary, my mind discouraged, and my emotions depressed. Somehow for that moment, of holding my husbands hand and focusing on yet another one of God's miracles, put all of my pressures in crystal clear perspective.
Our baby looks healthy and whole. I even feel less frustrated by my weight gain as we were told today our baby is measuring about two weeks bigger than our due date would dictate. They won't move the due date but if I go to term they predict it will be a pretty big baby. My daughter actually measured small at her ultrasound and if they had moved her due date it would have been almost a week later. However, she was born two weeks early and was still almost seven and a half pounds! We'll see how things work out with this one. I'm really hoping I don't go quite full term as the evidence points to a very big baby in that case...and more painful pushing!
My husband and I will still be having some genetic testing done on ourselves to see if we are carriers of any of the genetic diseases that are dispersed throughout our families in case problems may arise in the future. However, there is no immediate need to worry about the baby. We are praying that all the genetic tests will come back showing that we neither have nor carry any of the genetic diseases and therefore will not pass them along. It is still a very serious prayer request but at this point one we do feel a little more at peace about. Our biggest concern is Ataxia which runs in my husbands family. It is the only disease for which one of us is still possibly susceptible and for which there is no real treatment at this time. Please continue to pray with us that my husband does not have or carry this gene.
I end today with tender thoughts and praising the God of grace who has given me a heart full of hope....
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power, that is at work within us, to him be GLORY....throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" Ephesians 3:20-21
Amen!

Two Teen

2009-01-24T14:38:00.003-06:00

When Little Lady first made her arrival in our world I can't tell you how many moms told me to "Enjoy this time. She'll grow up before you can blink." I remember thinking then that while I was happy to hold my little sweetheart and have her in my life, I really couldn't wait for her to grow up. You see, in my head growing up meant no more being tied to a baby 24/7, no more dirty diapers, and a child intelligent enough to walk and talk and eventually do basic reading, writing and arithmetic leaving me a few moments of sanity a day. I really didn't get what those experienced moms meant. "Growing up" is a very different thing than simply "getting older". And it entails far more than your basic life skills. These extras are the ones that make you sad. When your child accomplishes a life skill you celebrate. "Yes! No more diaper duty!" But when they actually grow up, when they mature...you are left feeling far less excited and a lot more emotional.
This week I have been bombarded with my daughters maturity in a myriad of ways. On top of the things she has done or said which left me feeling a little sad and soppy eyed, here are a few of the more humorous ones. Let me just say though, that while these things sound extremely cute coming from the mouth of a two year old....they are also things I didn't expect to hear til a lot closer to her teens. I suddenly have images of a tattooed and pierced teenager in the body of a two year old. Which has made me feel like my baby is definitely growing up before I can blink.
In the past week she has asked when she will be old enough to do the following:
1. Shave her legs. Every night in her bath she asks if I can shave her legs or if not, can she shave mine? She now picks up the shaver, looks at me and says "When I get older?"
2. Wear "real" make-up. Little Lady has always loved make-up and has broken into mine more than once. Although she has her own pretend make-up and a whole selection of lip-glosses she is eagerly awaiting the day she will be allowed to crack open her own "real" make-up kit.
3. Drink Coffee. We have explained that she will likely always be to short. :o)
4. Get piercings. She has asked about ear piercings for quite some time seeing as how I have them and she is obsessed with jewelry of any type. Now her aunty has a piercing in her lip and nose which she calls her "sparkle". This is Little Lady's latest obsession.
5. Dye her hair. Currently her favourite colour is pink. Since she has a doll with hair this colour it seems to her like a good selection.
As much as I adore the freedom I feel with each new stage I am beginning to miss that little baby. I now can remember what those woman told me, look at my Little Lady, and think..."Let's just leave you in pig-tails for a little while longer."

Buggy Board

2009-01-19T21:23:00.004-06:00

We have been looking for a some kind of solution to the "two kids, one stroller" situation and are looking for your opinions. Currently we have a Peg-Perrego Aria stroller which can be used both as a pram or a normal push chair. The infant carrier can also lock into the push chair if you prefer that over using the pram. We loved this stroller when Little Lady was a baby because she much preferred to lie down in the pram so she could lie flat and kick rather than sit in the car seat with a curved spine. I still love this stroller and would be sad to sell it but I do feel we need something that can accommodate both kids. Little Lady is just a little to little to always have to walk whenever we go anywhere. However, I'm not sure a double stroller would be a good deal either. I was wondering if any of you have used this product or one similar. It's called a Buggy Board and apparently attaches onto any stroller as a small stand for the second child. Of course this means your toddler can't sit and really rest in that way, but since Little Lady never sleeps in the stroller anymore and we don't generally use the stroller in incredibly drawn out situations I am wondering whether this would actually be an issue. It would just be nice to have something so that if I am in the mall or going for a walk I don't have to hold onto her with one hand while trying to push a stroller with the other. It's also hard to always try and keep the pace of a toddler and especially when I am in a store...it's nice to have a little more control over her craziness. If something like this Buggy Board would work we could still keep our current stroller and use the pram and everything. Plus it would still be cheaper than buying a second stroller. Any opinions? Has anyone used anything like this before?

Bummed

2009-01-19T20:37:00.004-06:00

I want to write but can't think of any way to make this more than just a complaining post. The past week and weekend were on the rough side with me wishing I had a husband for more than two hours a week, moaning about how this baby is making me pack on the pounds, battling the usual baby bump insomnia, feeling entirely wiped out while trying to maintain a home and get done mountains of tasks while being the sole caretaker of a two year old, losing my patience with potty training, catching a terrible cold, wanting to shoot grenades at the train that trumpets by on an increasingly regularly basis, telling myself not to be terrified when things mysteriously move around in our rental, missing my own house in my own yard with my big bedroom and beautiful kitchen, the list goes on.....
I'm trying to think of ways to make myself look on the bright side again for a bit but I feel a little worn down and a lot tired of trying to paint this all in a positive light. Not that it doesn't all HAVE the possibility to be positive. I am so proud of my husband for making it into this MBA program and for working towards his masters. I am happy that he has this opportunity to pursue his dreams. I am thrilled to be expecting another baby. I adore my daughter. But while all these things are great, they seem to require a mountain of sacrifices and sometimes I feel just utterly drenched by the downpour. I wish it were possible to pop open an umbrella that made the world around me full of sunshine and erased every bit of stress. Does anyone have any ideas to create that illusion even for a little while? And it can't include chocolate since stress eating is the last thing this baby needs. It's already turning me into a blimp in a way my first baby NEVER did. I wouldn't be surprised if I give birth to a baby blimp the way this baby craves food!

Poll-ing you along...

2009-01-12T14:45:00.002-06:00

For those of you who haven't noticed yet....there is a new poll posted to the side of your screen. Cast your vote and let me know what you're thinking!

Also, I'm still looking for name suggestions under my "Name Game" post.

Imagination Station

2009-01-08T15:41:00.003-06:00

For the last week I have had to be very careful where I walk. It's not only to avoid the squeaking floor boards in this ancient rental either. I have to keep my ears open for instructions just in case I accidentally stumble on the exact spot where a certain small pet has been placed. No, we haven't suddenly gone back on our word and or changed our ways and become pet people. Well not yet anyway. It seems Little Lady has a love for pets despite our incredible dislike and has adopted herself an imaginary one since we refuse to allow the real article.

However, I actually wouldn't mind the real version of the playmate Little Lady has imagined. Her choice of pet? A caterpillar! Yup, that's right. She could have picked anything considering imaginary pets are hypo-allergenic, completely mess free, and oh yes...IMAGINARY.... but she picks a teeny tiny Caterpillar!

His (or her , I'm not entirely sure on the gender...do caterpillar's have genders?) name is Dofey (no idea where this came from but we think because she recently picked up a fascination with the name Dave (know idea why since she knows none) and her daddy mentioned the German version pronounced "dofe"). I often hear "No Dofey" or "Time to wake up Dofey", etc. Basically Dofey crawls around and appears whenever Little Lady desires, usually to carry out parts of her day. I really have no idea where she came up with this idea but since she can concoct all sorts of stories already nothing is very surprising to me anymore.

I always thought imaginary friends started closer to age four...as did fictional stories about people or places. No idea how long "Dofey" will last but for now I am stepping softly.....

The Name of the Game

2009-01-07T14:44:00.003-06:00

When I got pregnant with Little Lady I waisted no time popping open the baby name books and beginning the baby name process. I figured that Prince Charming and I would have very different likes and dislikes in this department so I better get a good list of options to operate from. Well, that and the fact that I was on bed rest and had literally nothing else to do except read thousands upon thousands of names! This time around however I simply haven't had the time to spend scouring samples of names and striking them from long lists. So I'm wondering is any of you have any ideas you'd like to share. We could sure use some suggestions this time around.
Here are some criteria:
1.We're looking for names with a lot of significance. As this baby represents Hope to us we would like names that reflect that. We're also prefer the name to have some sort of spiritual significance. For example...our daughters name means "My God has answered me" because we did a lot of praying both before and during our pregnancy with her. My name means "Here by the grace of God" because of circumstances surrounding my birth and my brother's name means "God Provides" because he was adopted into our family nine months after an anointing service was performed on my parents and prayer was requested that they could have another child. I've heard of names meaning "We prayed for her and we got her", etc. We would like something that would be along the lines of "God gives hope" or "God answers prayer" etc.
2. The boys name has to work with two middle names. We already have these selected as they stayed the same as they would have been had our daughter been a boy. The first beginning with "O" and the second with "E".
3. The girls name is pretty open at this point. We already have several names in mind and would likely use at least one or two of these somewhere in the name. Two of the names begin with "A" and one with "V".
4. The name has to sound good with two middle names and our last name which begins with "R".
5. The name must be at least somewhat unique. It can't be too over the top because Prince Charming is more traditional than I am (otherwise we would have the names picked already because I know the original names I like), however..... No Emily's, Ethan's, or anything else that would be listed in the top ten or even probably top 100 most popular baby names if possible. This is the problem with our boys name that we would have used had our daughter been a boy. We had chosen Liam but in the years since that pregnancy Liam has become SO popular that we no longer want to use that name. It's also the problem with at least one of the boys names we are kind of considering this time around. It's not that it's exceptionally popular but we do have friends who have a child with this name and it's not a very unique name either.
If you have any suggestions at all I would LOVE to hear them! Let me know all your thoughts!

Baby Registry

2009-01-02T23:10:00.004-06:00

For those of our friends who've been curious for hints as to what gender we're having and who have been asking questions such as "Well how will we know what to buy for the baby?" Your answer has arrived. You can check out our baby registry at Babies R Us. :o) Oh and by the way, some of the items on there are for Little Lady so she won't feel left out as the big sister. Which means that girly items may or may not be baby related. Oh and some items are a certain colour only because they weren't available in a different colour but we do want that item....and we won't tell you whether an item was chosen for it's colour or not.To find our registry you will need the following number 42074899.

The God of Hope

2008-12-30T21:21:00.002-06:00

Last night before falling into bed and far from fast asleep I read the following two verses which I found marked in my bible,
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19a
I felt again that this baby represented hope in our home and that God was here. Although it helped, it didn't erase the nerves which were going nuts inside me. After a fitful night the fear built and bubbled until as I sat in the waiting room this afternoon I felt as if I might burst right out of my skin.
Out past experiences have been far less than positive with the particular hospital we had to go to for the fetal assessment. However, despite it's dingyness, dirt, and generally dismal atmosphere it is the top hospital in the city and we had little choice. One of our prayers has been that this assessment would be nothing like our past experiences in this hospital. That somehow the staff would be sensitive and smart and we would not be left feeling alone,abused, and uninformed. After talking to a nurse through a jail like phone contraption while in admitting I wondered if even that wish would be unattainable.
Then we entered the fetal assessment unit and it was as if God opened the doors and said, "I am here". The counsellor who met with us prior to the assessment was a wonderful older woman who made us feel completely at peace and talked us through the entire procedure before it even began. She explained every possible problem that we could be experiencing and with her gentleness and knowledge put us much more at peace. Then we went into another room for the fetal assessment and met a lovely lady who greeted us with a friendly smile and made us feel entirely relaxed. Ernest and the counsellor pulled up arm chairs beside my bed and the counsellor and technician talked us through every inch of the procedure. And that was the best part.
They could not find a single reason why my levels were so high. Our baby appears to be one hundred percent healthy!
The assessment took around an hour and both the technician and a doctor carefully calculated and checked every inch of our baby before determining that they didn't feel we had any reason to fear. They don't know why my levels reported higher than normal but the baby appears to be completely formed, moving freely, functioning fully, and exactly as far a long as estimated. I think it's a Christmas miracle and a testament to God and the hope he gives. They will do another assessment in 5 weeks when the baby is bigger just to be sure they didn't miss anything but they told us they felt completely sure we could go home without worry.
Praise God!
Oh, and as a little extra surprise...we also found out what gender our baby is! We decided not to spoil the surprise for the rest of you but we were thrilled to find out! God is great!

"God is our hope and strength" -Psalm 46

2008-12-29T23:40:00.003-06:00

"God of My Hope....
Giver of Dreams,
Seek out my soul, have mercy on me.
Maker of light
Star in the East
Open my eyes, that I may see.

God of creation, earth sky and water
Author of life, endless time.
Song of my heart
All that is wise
Hope in the Night
Sun that will rise

God of my Hope
Calmer of Seas
Quiet the storm
Raging in me
King of the stars
Lord over all
Into your love...freely I fall

God of creation, earth, sky and water
Author of life, endless time
Song of my heart
All that is wise
Hope in the night
Sun that will rise

God is my hope and strength
God is my hope and strength"

It's late and I am exhausted but I wanted to write once more before tomorrow. My emotions have been a roller coaster this week. When we first received the call from my Doctor a week ago I was in shock, after awhile I felt angry. It seemed so unfair. Why now? Why can't I have a normal healthy pregnancy? Why me? Why at Christmas? Looking back now I am actually grateful that this has all been happening in the most hopeful season of the year. I have always loved Christmas and always believed in the hope, peace, and joy of the season. I also believe in Christmas miracles. Because of it being Christmas we were also able to be together as a family without having to run in separate direction while we digest and wait for more news. We have been able to focus on the true meaning of this season this year. We have been able to spend quiet time together at my parents cabin praying and relaxing and focusing on hope. We have been able to have happy distractions from our worry. It's hard to struggle at Christmas...but in away I really am glad that this was the time that this came.

In the last week I have felt the prayers of many people and have been touched in so many ways. Music has continually spoken to me. The above song my Michelle Tumes is especially inspirational right now. I have felt from the very beginning that this baby somehow represented hope to me and in the last week I have felt that even more strongly. This song has really hit me. Songs by other artists have also become calming, helped work through emotions, and been healing tools in the last week. Especially songs like Jill Phillips, "I Am", The Fray "You found me", and Jars of Clay "The Valley Song". I have worked through so many different emotions and wondered about so many things. I have noticed the way different people react to news like this and felt different things about all of it. Mostly I have really felt God with us. It doesn't mean it isn't hard, it doesn't mean I haven't cried and worried, but I know he is here and I know he brings hope. Last night I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and the baby started moving like crazy. It was as if God was reminding me...it IS a wonderful life...this little one in me is hope, it is wonderful, and regardless of what we face in the fetal assessment that doesn't change.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) at 1:30 we meet with a counsellor at the hospital before the fetal assessment. At 2 we will go into what is supposed to be about an hour long assessment and hopefully after that we will come out knowing a lot more. We are still praying very hard for a false positive or a miracle. My doctor told me that out of the thousands of woman she has cared for during pregnancy and the apparently many who have had positives, only 2 have actually been accurate positives. I also have an aunt who was told it was positive and ended up with a healthy baby and an uncle who actually apparently HAS spina bifida but has no effects whatsoever. We are praying that one of these things will be true in our situation. Hopefully the false positive.

Whatever happens we appreciate all your prayers and support and we truly believe that God IS a God of HOPE. Thank you for standing beside us.

Breath of Heaven

2008-12-23T15:16:00.003-06:00

This is my prayer, "Breath of Heaven, hold me together, be forever near me. Breath of Heaven. Breath of Heaven. Lighten my darkness. Pour over me your holiness. For you're holy. Breath of Heaven."

We were enjoying a wonderful relaxing family Christmas, just the three of us when the phone call came. It's been a very stressful few weeks with moving, exams, morning sickness, etc. Today we were finally free of it all. Just soaking up each others presence and enjoying the expressions of Little Lady as she played with her new toys. And then the call. My obstitrician just called to say that my fetal screening tests results came back. It is showing positive for Spina Bifida. The world stopped spinning.

I have an emergency fetal assesment on December 30th at 1:30 in the afternoon. Please pray. I am hoping against all hope that this is a false positive. We are praying and hoping and trying not to consider all of the what ifs that terrify us.

Breath of Heaven Hold us together...be forever near us...

What Christmas is all about...

2008-12-10T23:54:00.003-06:00

All is calm. All is quiet. Little Lady is laying on my lap, snuggled in a big soft blanket. I am softly singing, "Away in a manger.."

Stress eases away

"no crib for a bed..."

Little Lady suddenly shouts into the silence "OH!" Her eyes open wide. "He has no crib? He better share my bed. My new brown bed."

"You want to share your bed with baby Jesus?"

"Yeah. And he needs a pillow. A Ladybug pillow and a butterfly pillow. In my brown bed."

"That's very nice of you to share with baby Jesus since he doesn't have a bed."

"And he needs a blanket. He share my pink blanket."

All is quiet again for just a moment.

"Ok you sing Jesus song again but with my brown bed and my pillow and my pink blanket. Not "no crib for a bed""

Trust a little child to put things in perspective.

China Doll

2008-11-21T21:26:00.003-06:00

Carrying Little Lady to the car one recently cold winter day I mentioned,

"Better hold on tight baby or Mommy's going to drop you."

Her response?

In a very worried, round eyed way..."No! You not drop me! You tant break me. I too pretty!"

Count Cutie

2008-11-11T13:26:00.002-06:00

I am not a mathematical mom. My brain contains absolutely no aptitude for arithmetic of any kind. In fact, growing up I had an actual fear of the Sesame Street character called "the Count"...of course that probably had more to do with the fact that he was dressed as Dracula than with any correlation to counting. Still I like to think Sesame Street could potentially be made responsible for my aversion to addition and subtraction.

Needless to say, the mathematical gene that my daughter has apparently inherited did NOT come from her mother.

This past weekend we realized that the Little Lady can count! I'm sure it's not that abnormal for a 26 month old to know her numbers but since I was much older before I mastered mine I see this as somewhat of a miracle.

I've known for some time that she sort of knew numbers or at least recognized there names and had a general sense of the "how many" concept but I didn't realize she could actually count without any help.

We were at the airport and Prince Charming said to her "I don't see an airplane yet. No airplane." Meaning he didn't see our airplane yet. Little Lady quickly retorted, "Yes. There is an airplane." Prince Charming asked, "Where?"

She pointed out the window to two other airplanes waiting in that area and said "See. Two airplanes. One. Two."

Prince Charming was also surprised to see her count but agreed that she was right.

A moment later another airplane appeared on the runway and immediately she pointed to it and said, "Three airplanes." Then a little while later she glanced out the window to see a fourth airplane just appearing and without even having to take a lot of time to think she quickly said, "Now four airplanes."

Thank goodness she inherited her daddy's IQ because if I was told to count the planes we'd still be sitting in the airport. (Okay, I'm not really THAT bad :o)) Anyway, it's probably not that unusual or unlikely but it was definitely impressive for one as un-mathematical as me.

Secret Stash

2008-11-02T21:41:00.003-06:00

I thought it was time to share a sweet little Prince Charming story. It's been awhile, and really he deserves a lot more publicity because he really IS Prince Charming.

As many of you know, pregnancy does not agree with me. I am nauseous, exhausted, and acne prone. Basically making babies is for my body what plastic surgery was for Goldie Hawn...not pretty. Anyway, a unique occurrence in this pregnancy is precise and practically crazy cravings. Sure I had a few with Little Lady...but nothing like the night and day craziness accompanying Baby Number 2.

Now we live in a very small town...the kind that almost literally rolls up the sidewalks at six o'clock. Stores open 'til 8 are a rarity as well as a real headline. In other words, a commonly exciting conversation in this small town might include the line "Hey did you hear Fine Foods will be open 'til 8 over the summer!?" Needless to say it is next to impossible to satisfy cravings when there is nothing open within a two hour radius.

Unless you are married to Prince Charming. Three times in the last week when I have complained of cravings after eight he has slyly stated, "I'll run up town right now"...disappeared into the garage...and came back with his hands full of my current favourite food. How he does it I do not know since he refuses to let me in on his means. All I know is that somewhere in my garage my amazingly perceptive husband has a secret stash of commonly craved items just waiting for the whims of his wife.

I am one blessed baby making mommy!

Miss Attitude

2008-11-02T21:35:00.002-06:00

The following scene played out this evening and showed me once again that I am growing a girl with a lot of personality.

Little Lady was taking a leisurely evening pre-bed bubble bath when her daddy entered the room to escort her to bed. With a shake of her head and a flick of her hand she very dismissively stated,

"I'm not ready yet babe....Go clean up."

Probably not the most respectable way to respond to your father...but I practically died laughing.

Miss Potatoe Head

2008-10-22T15:51:00.003-05:00

For Little Lady's second birthday she recieved a Mrs. Potatoe Head from a friend. This morning it was made apparent that she may have picked up a thing or two from this tator tot. She decided that since Mrs. Potatoe head can leave her limbs lying around...so can she.

We are in the washroom shortly after waking up, performing our normal morning grooming ritual. Little Lady who is in love with lipstick and all other forms of make-up is digging through a tube of chapstick I gave her, upset that there is no colour...which is percisely the reason I presented her with this particular tube. After continually asking her not to smear shiny chapstick all over herself in an attempt to find colour, the following conversation insued:

Me: What did mommy say?
Little Lady: Mommy said no
Me: That's right. Can you listen to mommy?
Little Lady makes no immediate reply

One minute later

Me: Little Lady what did mommy JUST say? Don't you have ears?
Little Lady: Yes
Me: Well you should use them. Where are they?
Little Lady: In my bedroom

Apparently I didn't read the package during pregnancy...."Some assembly required."

SURPRISE

2008-10-16T16:55:00.001-05:00